1977

recap

2010-02-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

on 2/21/2009 i arrived NYC after waiting 8 years for my visa

on 7/1/2009 i did my forst jewelry show in NYC with the Wire me madly collection

on 9/12/09 Gia Fragalli was launched in an "off" fashion week event

on 10/01/09 i moved Gia fragalli to DUMBO in an awesome studio

on 2/19/10 i hosted a great party for friends and family at the studio and the launch of teaching jewelry classes

2/24/10 i landed an awesome internship with Anna Sheffield, an NYC based Jewelry Designer!

GF CREATIONS

2009-07-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

www.giafragallicreations.com

ME

2009-07-30T01:28:00.000-07:00

My first wedding

2009-07-30T01:26:00.000-07:00

It's weird when someone knows you for almos 20 years of your life... When I was younger I always wanted to have life long friends... Andrea is one, and as she can atest I HAVE NOT changed...

I belive in attedning to weddings only when you've been part of the life of that person that you are presting... (???) is that how you write it??? nayoway.. this is ANDREA'S WEDDING

a day out in "chelsea gallery"

2009-07-30T01:18:00.000-07:00

Shadow's Last Day

2009-07-30T01:15:00.000-07:00

Last Immigration Entry

2009-02-19T17:17:00.001-08:00

** This post is a reproduction from Gothamgal her link is at the top of the post, without her efforts my returning to the USA would not have happened so fast. Thank You Gotham Gal

Immigration

Images Immigration is one of those topics that create a lot of conversation. I believe that we are a country of immigrants and we should continue to open our doors to other people who want to come to the US and participate by being working educated citizens. Not always so easily done.

In Australia, if you want to become a citizen, you have to have a degree and then work. After 3 (or 4) years, if you become a working member of society, you get to become an Australian citizen. It is helping the Australian economy grow and because of this law, many Asians have moved there for work.

In this country, we have treated many of our immigrants not with open arms but quite the opposite. We are forcing them to leave this country instead of letting them fill jobs that I am not sure many Americans would want. But what is worse is that we have been deporting 18 year olds who have lived in the US their entire life, who grew up here, who's parents have become US citizens or have green cards and are sending them back to where they came from. Why they don't have the paperwork is probably because the system is really hard to navigate and most of them are not educated enough to figure it out. But, where these kids come is the US.

Any kid under 18 regardless of being at US citizen will and must be educated while they are here, it is the law. For instance, in Denver, 60% of the kids in some of the public schools English is not their first language. I don't know if they are legal of illegal but they are being educated. Once they hit the age of being able to go to college, they can't go because they do not have a VISA or green card. Instead, we deport them. Did anyone think that perhaps these young "Americans" might be good hard working citizens that have been educated in our public school system and can make an impact on our economy?

There is a woman who works for us. She is wonderful. She has been part of our family for almost 10 years. Yes, we pay her taxes. She came to the US illegally with her daughter in tow 25 or so years ago. She started out in Chicago and eventually ended up in NYC. She worked hard. A total jack of all trades. She came here to make a better life for her only daughter. She is from Brazil.

When it was time to go to college, the only place she could afford to send her daughter was to the top University in Brazil. Perhaps not well thought out but once her daughter got to Brazil to go to school, she couldn't return because she wasn't an American citizen. She got on a plane to come home for Thanksgiving ( an American holiday ) and was turned away at the gate. Her mother, who has been happily married to a US citizen for over 10 years, can't have her daughter visit her. Although her husband tried to adopt her daughter years ago, the wonderful state of Florida lost all their paperwork for 2 years and by the time they found it, she was too old to be adopted.

Now comes the long tedious process of attempting to get her daughter back to the US. Seven years have passed. It should have taken 10 but I was aggressive about pursuing this through the NY State Department. Her first interview, in Sao Paulo, was done by a person who works for the US Immigration Department who proceeded to harass her in the interview. I won't go into details but it was disgsting. Regardless, she eventually went to the next level which takes a few more years. The process is tedious and frustrating. More important, nobody cares.

Yesterday, was the finale, and her VISA has been approved. She will be here in 10 days. What resonated with me more than anything else was when she called me to thank me for all my help, the first thing she said was "I'm coming home". Home because the US is her home. The US is home to the thousands of kids we deport for not having the proper paperwork. Why don't we help them become happy engaging citizens instead of sticking them on a plane back to a place where they no one and don't even understand the culture.

In cases like this, I believe nice guys finish last. I am always amazed at the people who figure out how to work through the system, particularly the immigration system, who get here and are not good citizens. Our policies must change. We should be helping all kids of immigrants figure out how to stay, be educated and love this country. We should be opening our doors to any educated person who wants to come here and start their business. We should be opening our doors to people that have the skill set to work in our companies and make them better. Our world is flat and until we participate with that in mind, our economy is never going to be as robust as it should be.

*** My Reply:

The Girl From Brazil....
I have said this in many email exchanges, and it just doesn't seem enough... THANK YOU! Gothamgal has been an amazing and inspiring force to both my mother and I during these last 8 years with my immigration, and now I can finally say I'M COMING HOME!!!! After 9 Christmas's and New Years, after 8 Thanksgivings, 8 bitrhdays. After having gone to graduation without any family member there to support me or take pictures of me walking the plank with the empty tube in my hand... no one to hug me and tell me congratulations... after many nights wondering how much longer would I have to stay away from my family. After having suffered and agonized while my mom went through a very difficult brain surgery so she could hear again. I can go HOME!!! i can pay my taxes and work a decent job, and I will be able to soon vote for a president in a country I believe it to be my own.

Gothamgal, I will be forever in debit with you for all you have done!

Thank you.
T

Gotham Gal YOU were my voice and you became my FREEDOM! You screamed as loud you could, you kicked as far and as high as you could, raised hell for me to be in heaven again!

Gotham Gal you can count on me anytime!!! We cannot express how grateful for you never letting go! You didn't rest until you could reunite us. Thank you!

The last entry

2008-06-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

What do you really, really really want today?

It’s been almost one year since I last reviewed my needs and wants.
Lots have happened since.

I returned from my yearlong journey in London with a broken heart and a broken spirit. I went to find myself professionally, hoping this would somehow infuse my emotional state, I came back in a thousand little pieces, and was then forced to put my puzzle together without a friend, love, money, car… or any other mundane tool. All I had was me- in pieces, but it was still me.

I tried going back to school, but somehow I was so hungry for knowledge, the school didn’t satisfy me enough. I started to pick up the little pieces and organize them neatly into piles. I figured I needed to assess the damage before I could do anything. I dreaded coming back to my home, I hang around my friend’s store, sleeping on a mattress on the floor for a week before finally gathering my courage and suitcases back here.

The instant I walked in I felt it… wanting to agree or not, I was home. This is actually a very new feeling, something I had never experienced before. Having left HOME when I was 13 to move to the USA, then leaving HOME again, to go to Brazil, and then leaving that home again to find a new HOME in London… I actually had not had a HOME in more than 25 years. My pictures, my books, my furniture… mine, my family’s house, where my father grew up, where my first days as a newborn baby was spent, the staircase with the 1970's blue tiles and wood that I walked my first steps as human being. The dining room where my mother and grandmother spent many afternoons smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and chatting the day away. The kitchen where my grandmother prepared my birthday parties, the pantry where she would hide chocolate in very low places so I could find. The bedroom with the closets my grandfather built that would hold presents for me for all occasions. This was HOME.

I started by putting the place in order, throwing away old broken things, cleaning like a mad woman. Little did I know I was cleaning metaphorically.
During my long days of cleaning my mind and heart were mending and organizing themselves so I could soon reach in and build myself up again. Having been hit with a bit of depression, I became restless, I would spend two or three days without sleeping, just tossing and turning in my bed, so one day I decided it was time to see the mess in my mind.

I started a blog, having never been good at writing a diary, I thought this would help me emotionally to air things out. As any novice want- to- be writer I started at the beginning, trying to figure out from the bottom what was happening to me. I research political information about the 70’s and 80’s to try to explain why my family had decided to “up and away to the US of A”, I blamed our dictatorship of past decades and dollar oscillations in the 80’s. I looked for every reason except the real one.
The only truth to any of this is that you can’t start at the begging, the truth is the begging is so far down you cant get to it unless you deal with the stuff on top first!

It’s like trying to read that one phrase, from that one book at the bottom of a cardboard box, filled with other books and papers on top. The only way you will reach that book is if you can take out all the rest of the stuff from the top first. Now, there are two ways you can do this… If you choose to, you can just simply flip the box upside down and dump all the stuff on the floor, and then try amidst that mess find the “one” book you are looking for. Having to then, organize all the rest later or just leave it there until you need something else again. Or the more tedious, time consuming, mind boggling thing to do is to slowly unpack the box, organize the books you are already removing, replacing them o shelves until you finally reach the “one” book.

This was one enormous task! I have always been hyperactive, and my focus orientation is to always be focused on “something else”, so you can imagine the effort I had to put in to myself to get the task done.

I started by revising my year in London, the friendships I made, the troubles I got into. The ideal love I lost, that brought me to my least favorite relationship, before I left Brazil, therefore bringing me to my five year relationship before I left the USA, and I realized, I’d been doing it all wrong! Even though I always said before loving you must love yourself, no one can give you what they don’t have, blah, blah, blah…I had fallen into that trap of waiting fro someone to fix me, pick me up, and glue me together, save me from myself, make me better, I had been waiting for someone to find that odd little coal and polish it in a perfect diamond.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I spent a lot of time on my own, and that was very, very new. I am the one that never turns down a party, a chat on the phone, a movie or dinner. Party girl, always up for anything, but I guess in a sense I was already in a party… melancholic to say the least, but a party nonetheless.

I reviewed blames I sat aside for my father, and confronted the demons of childhood. I decided that I had to be responsible for my action, and I could no longer blame him for his shortcomings. I had to know what they were, and make sure I understood that from a certain time in my life he was not responsible, because there were no “victims”. I had to accept that event when I chose not to make I choice I was still making a choice of not choosing; there fore I was the only one responsible. I started eating books, drinking the nectar of knowledge, everything and anything, from lovely fairy tales, to Balzac’s interpretation of a woman, put forth in such a beautiful way in a moment very valuable for me as I was just turning 30 myself. I read self-help books, and magazines; I watched soap operas and analyzed myself. I clichéd myself to death, and began to see my life unfolding right before my minds eye.

It turns out Balzac was right. A woman of 30, is old. She is not willing to let anything or anyone come between her and herself any longer, she is not malleable, she is only flexible to herself, and only when she chooses to be.
This is the woman I became. I learned myself, I became me, together with myself I can now act as one. My mind is where it needs to be, and I am happy.

So what do I really, really, really want?
Never to loose myself again!

* I dedicate this to my eternal Balzac's Woman- my wondermoman! My hero, Mom

on sabbatical..

2008-04-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

i might just not be ready to leave mine, just yet.... maybe i need a few more months away from people and their poison... or maybe ive been away for too long and forgot this is how the world really is?

2008-04-18T06:12:00.000-07:00

dont be too quick to judge urself...
remember other people have hang ups too, so it might just be as much as their fault as it is urs

never...

2008-04-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

trust someone who doent like animals

always...

2008-04-18T03:50:00.000-07:00

doubt a woman that has more than 1 cat

2008-04-08T23:47:00.000-07:00

nights drinking, having meaningless conversations with faceless people. only to wake up the next day and nor rembrr anything that was said, only remembering things I'd like to forget.

... on relationships

2008-04-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

reproduced**

Married…and living under separate roofs!
We’ve been married for 15 years, but we’d never still be together if we lived under one roof. My husband and I are very Oscar and Felix. I’m a slob, and he’s incredibly neat and anal. In addition, our tastes are very different. His place has a gloomy, scary Norman Bates thing going on; my place is very light, airy, don’t-worry-be-happy-ish. And then there’s also the matter of lifestyle. He is extremely noise-sensitive. My husband is a former opera singer and lives in what was once a music studio. So, his digs are soundproof. He sleeps well there but cannot sleep at my place. So we never moved in together. We do have two noisy six-year-old twin sons. It may seem odd, but we see each other every single day—he tucks the boys in at night, and we have the occasional sleepover for the obvious reasons. My belief is this: Marriage is hard enough, even if you do have the same taste in slipcovers. But when you have different tastes, why compromise it if you don’t have to? The common thing between us is love, and isn’t that the most important thing?
-Judith Newman, 40, New York City, author of You Make Me Feel Like An Unnatural Woman

2008-04-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

its been a while.. im kind of rusty.. bt lets go

today i begged
i begged for money,'brazil is a place that is cash only...
cash back doenst exist

i have money.. not a lot but enough to get me home... however i should have made it to the bank since ileft my wallet at home...

my bus card was empty
i got on a bus and they wouldnt let me keep going, cause i couldnt pay for it.. so i got off somewhere around paulista... went into a bar, and asked if i bought something they could give me cash back... the cashier said.. im not allowed, so i asked for the manager... i can understand she cant make that decision.. the guy is satnding right there... so i turn to him and he says.. if she says no, its no... and then i tryied to the best of my abilities to explain what "cash- back |" was.. to no use obvsiously..

unfortunately today woirkers became robots... i really cant wait for it to actually be metal things that we deal with, because when u speak with a person, a real live person it seems like someone s brainwashed, inpout some reaaly difficult programming in it that u cant get crack...

c'mon how hard is it to charge $5 and give me change???? in london this is done in a supermarket!!!!!

its not like u r robbing anyone the money is already there its going to be an easy surplus added with a comment at the end of the night!

but no, i couldnt get money...

so i walked up to a guy Bira, with a crosspassing vest, and asked him for money, so i could get home..

today i begged for bus money

3.1 in les than 30

2008-03-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

So it seems like ill be 3.1 in less than 30 days, and I haven't done much writing lately... all I can say is that this year went by super duper fast!

Lots of information was dealt with in my head, i did get a grasp of myself this past year, found out where I stand with myself, and who I am... all I can say is that the only difference I've noticed was the flabby things on my back, and somehow I managed to hurt myself vacuuming the house! Otherwise know as the age approaching!

I'm still messy and very loud, and loving it. I'm still annoying and know it all, and yes... still loving it! All in all I'm still the me i knew, with a little more information for the me I'm becoming... but I no longer rush to get to the becoming, because I can only get there if I fully appreciate all the steps along the way.

I can truthfully say i am becoming a little more patient than what I used to be, and I kind of like it...

72/366

2008-03-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

* from here on in all pictures taken with Nikon D80

65/366

2008-03-09T11:39:00.000-07:00

2008-02-23T18:07:00.001-08:00

it goes as they say it will, as fast as everyone promises
smooth as the day into night

hard as a slap in the face

small as a human to a universe

as fast as i can say i love you

time.

2008-02-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

another failure attempt to get closer to usa waters, bt it was no use... so now my job as a photographer aboard is on hold until my immigration is here too...

i just want to go home.....

2008-01-29T17:34:00.000-08:00

i used to always tell the truth. i thought that when someone asked me a question was because they wanted to know the truth...

over the years i realized the truth is not always the right answer. it can get u in much more trouble than a lie can. the truth can be used against u at any time, even the miranda rights will tell you that... its not always the best policy to tell everyting you know. im learning that.

im not saying that i approve of lying bt sometimes inly a part of the truth needs to be told in order for safety to prevail...

namesake

2008-01-29T05:18:00.001-08:00

2008-01-28T10:50:00.000-08:00

... i know i live in my own world...

But its ok... they know me here!!!!!

2008-01-27T04:25:00.000-08:00

another sunday grey
summer seems so far away

i sit in bed trying to wait for the day to go by
it seems im stuck at strike of the clock...

dogs bark
birds chirp
i hear the bus on the avenue bellow

bt im still stuck on sunday

Homenagem à São Paulo

2008-01-25T05:36:00.000-08:00

de Lula Queiroga/ Recife

Lula Queiroga, Recife - PE

lula@lulaqueiroga.com.br
cabem dez novaiorques no teu terreno
e vinte paris
cabem mais nordestinos
do que nordestinos tem no país
são paulo quatrocentão
são paulo quatro centímetros de jardins
custa mais que uma casa em catende ou surubim
aqui todo mundo é menor
do que tua malha viária
na ralação diária
seu grande exército na batalha produtiva
seu complexo de locomotiva
eu amo uma cidade assim, feia e bonita
matuta e cosmopolita
soçaite e aflita
que come, engasga e depois vomita
poesia repleta de fúria calada
são paulo
sitiada na periferia
situada no cérebro esquerdo da nação
vou doar a você meu coração
também meus olhos
continuarão te achando bela
depois que eu morrer

Happy Birthday São Paulo!!!

2008-01-25T03:12:00.000-08:00

** Reprodução

Desejo a cidade de Sao Paulo, nesse seu 454o aniversário, que ela tenha paulistanos dispostos a ter um pouco mais de cidadania. Nao só ter, mas colocar em prática. Que aqueles que sao motorizados nao fechem mais os cruzamentos, nao cruzem os sinais vermelhos, nem tampouco parem seus carros em cima das faixas de pedestre. A blindagem, ou até mesmo o simples insulfilm que todos nós usamos, por questoes de segurança, parece nos transformar em guerreiros brutais, protegidos por armaduras, defendendo cada pedaço de asfalto que julgamos nos pertencer. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo que aqueles que emplacam seus carros 0km fora da cidade, passem a emplacá-los na própria capital, como é o correto. Assim, veríamos menos Ecosport e Ford Focus, com placas de Camaçari ou Salvador. Menos Fiat Stilo e Palio Adventure com placas de Betim e Belo Horizonte. Menos Toyota Corolla com placa de Santana de Parnaíba. É impressionante como a frota de carros dessa pequena e vizinha cidade é enorme. Alguém está ganhando dinheiro com isso. Mas a nossa cidade perde. Nós cidadaos, também. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo que os paulistanos, sempre cheios de pressa, buzinem menos no trânsito. Buzina nao abre caminho. Só irrita o próximo, gera atrito, discussoes, brigas e até mesmo mortes. Além disso, o ato de buzinar expoe a todos nossas maiores frustraçoes e fragilidades. Quem estiver com problemas pessoais que vá se cuidar. Descontar nos outros nao ajuda em nada. Muito pelo contrário. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo ainda que as madames que moram nos bairros de classe media alta da cidade, ao passear com seus caezinhos de estimaçao, levem consigo uma simples sacolinha de supermercado, e nela coloquem as fezes de seu fiel companheiro. É incrivel como as calçadas dos bairros nobres da cidade estao repletas de dejetos de animais. E sao muito mais sujas do que as da periferia, onde as pessoas tem menos condiçoes, escolaridade e perspectivas. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo que os paulistanos ávidos por diversao, e essa cidade é mesmo um ótimo lugar para se divertir, respeitem filas, horários, leis de silêncio, vagas para deficientes. Desejo que todos possam conviver pacificamente nos poucos e disputados parques da cidade. Que quem caminha, respeite quem pedala. Que respeite quem patina. Que respeite quem corre. Que respeite quem apenas passeia com a família. Que respeite a quem quer que seja. Respeito é fundamental. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Sao Paulo foi fundada em um colégio. Portanto, o mínimo que poderíamos fazer é mostrar um pouco de educaçao. Mostrar que somos capazes de aprender alguma coisa. Com a cidade e com as pessoas que nela vivem. É uma simples questao de educaçao, de boa convivência e, as vezes, até mesmo de sobrevivência. Sao Paulo pode ser uma cidade muito melhor de se viver. Só depende de nós mesmos. Feliz aniversário, Sao Paulo.

**reproduced from the village voice jan 2008

2008-01-24T02:25:00.000-08:00

The Slow Blackout of Amy Winehouse
How a troubled r&b mega-talent's breakout hit turned against her
by Amy Linden
DISCUSSED
Amy Winehouse ("Rehab," #1 single)
Back to Black (#4 album)

I first saw Amy Winehouse live in January 2007, at Joe's Pub in the East Village: her American debut. By the end of the gig, everyone knew that Amy, all 85 or so pounds of her, had smacked r&b back to life. In four-inch pumps. The intimate club was filled with unabashed love, and she knew it. But between her flashes of genuine happiness, Amy was distracted and disengaged. She constantly fiddled with her weave and tugged her cocktail frock; outside of acknowledging Mos Def (her friend) and Mark Ronson (her producer), she rarely made eye contact with the crowd. Maybe it was just nerves. And yes, she was drinking, but no more than anyone else there. She sounded great, but acted like she didn't believe it. It made me fear that Amy had the talent to be a star, but might not have the strength.

My personal Amy fixation had kicked off two years earlier with Frank, originally an import-only debut (released domestically this past fall) with a smiling, curvy, weave-less Amy on the cover. Much like Back to Black sans the throwback sonics, the record articulated a wise-beyond-her-years wisdom with smoky jazz phrasings and hip-hop/r&b shadings. (Think Lauryn Hill without the preachiness.) My love only increased with Ghostface Killah's 2006 remix of her salty "You Know I'm No Good." But of course it was Back to Black—a chart-topper in the U.K. and very nearly a poll-topper here—that sealed the deal for everyone with its odes to getting fucked over and up.

Now Amy's a star: six Grammy nods, multi-platinum status for Black, and Pazz & Jop accolades at both album and especially single, where "Rehab"—bolstered by votes from last year (the record hit the U.K. in October '06)—pushed her ahead of the seemingly unstoppable Rihanna. Yet these days Amy's looking less like a soul savior and more like a lost soul, tsked-tsked by the View ladies, mocked on late-night talk shows, and lumped in with Britney Spears, another troubled (if lower-on-the-totem-pole) pop star whose music has been eclipsed by the train wreck.

You could see it coming. Even when her fan base was limited to Anglophiles, industry types, cool musicians, and folks who still can't understand why Craig David never became Justin Timberlake, you heard the dish: cancelled gigs, puking onstage, dramatic weight loss, punching out a fan (Amy's rationale? "The bitch was rude"), and drinking. Lots of drinking. (But come on! Girlfriend's English! Isn't that what they do?) Of course, after she went from cult artifact to Letterman guest, it only got worse. The blood. The bruises. The cancelled tours. The drive-thru rehab (no smirks). The staggering around her neighborhood in the dead of night in a push-up bra. Those goddamn pink ballerina flats. Her scumbag freeloading husband hauled off to jail. (Oh. That's good!) The next Ronnie Spector slowly, grotesquely transformed into the next Nancy Spungen.

In March, a few days after Back to Black entered the U.S. charts at #7—the highest-ever Brit female debut, and #6 after Spin and Rolling Stone both put her on the cover the same week—Amy played the first of two shows (the second cancelled due to "exhaustion") at the Roxy in L.A. The club, the crowd, and the celebs (e.g., Bruce Willis and Courtney Love, probably there to pass the Hot Mess torch) were all bigger than they'd been at Joe's Pub a few months before. But the audience was similarly blown away, though a noticeable number of people paid as much attention to Amy as she paid to them (i.e., none) until "Rehab," when the vibe suddenly shifted from "concert" to "kegger."

Watching anyone implode isn't pretty, especially an anorexic, drunken, codependent, beehive-rocking mega-talent. But what's almost as sad is that her anthem, the song that made her a star, is now Amy's albatross. Grammys be damned, "Rehab" is now a cheap tabloid joke, wildly misconstrued by critics and fans alike. In some ways, it's unavoidable: The song is about her former manager's futile efforts to get Amy sober, and it certainly didn't help that it exploded just as Hollywood made rehab the new yoga. Even so, it's hard to figure out how "I don't ever want to drink again/I just need a friend" or other Black lyrics like "I stay up/Clean the house/At least I'm not drinking" now inspire concertgoers to order another round of lemon drops.

In May, I saw Amy again at a sold-out show at the Highline Ballroom in NYC's meatpacking district. It was the first time I saw the personal affect the professional: Midway through the set, Amy was so smashed that she started missing cues and drifting off-pitch. She eventually fled the stage, confused and defeated, a meltdown greeted by a smattering of boos, though others just laughed and egged Amy on to drink more. I vacillated between fury and depression. It reminded me of Replacements or Johnny Thunders shows, where the more wasted the band got, the more the crowd ate it up, hoisting plastic cups like they were actually drinking together. Like they were bros, dude. Throw your hands in the air, 80-proof stylee. But when Amy shows us that "Rehab" is no party song, people get mad that her pain is messing with their night out.

A few hours before that L.A. show, I interviewed Amy in the lobby of West Hollywood's fabled Château Marmont, best known as the spot where John Belushi died. Her beehive and the omnipresent eyeliner looked slept-in. She was sweet and friendly, smiled broadly, and had downed two amaretto sours by 3 p.m. It didn't do much to put her at ease. She occasionally stuttered and rarely met my eyes. Girl didn't have stage fright—she had life fright. "I'm not too good about talking about myself," she admitted. She was only fully engaged when talking about music, especially jazz.

Toward the end of our conversation, she mentioned that she'd just broken up with a boyfriend. "I'm sorry," I said. "He got out of it easy," Amy muttered. "Trust me." She knew she was no good. I wanted to hug her. At Joe's Pub, I'd seen the future of r&b. Now I just hope Amy has a future, too.

the world we live in

2008-01-20T02:46:00.000-08:00

BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

BANG!!!

as u r jst about to fall into dreamland... BANG..... u think no it cant be... BANG...no... i think it is.... clank, clank.... trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

and u look outside ur windown.. in a grey sunday dawn... 6.30 am there are construction workers making all the clanks and bangs they can....

u think to ur self...maybe the hammer jst got away from their hands... maybe they HAD to make that noise....

then, u write it off of ur brain, and right when everything is calm again...
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

so we have 2 choices.. maek believe that doesnt affect u, go back to sleep... and let the noise fade in... OR one could take a stand and say ITS SUNDAY!!! 6.30 in the goddam fucking MORNING!!!!!- the sun hasnt even come up yet!!!! WHAT THE FUCK R U THINKING!!!!!!?????

so i stick my head out the window only to confirm what my dreamstate told me ... yes there is renovation going on... on the other side of the streets... i try to level... "hey.. guys.... its 6.30am... could do all that noise after 9???"
to which i get
"allS WE is doing is working!!!"

BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

time goes by, patience... expiring... i stick my head out the window again.. toask them to pLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEE stop... and i get a very rude gesture, followed by another one where one of the guys imitates a snake... then i tell them im calling the cops....
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i get the police bt they tell me i gotta call the county, the county cant help i call the police back and finally get a car over... its now 9am

the police arrive

NOTHING is done....

bt i got ur number mr jobson carlos lopes oliveira RG: 333507375x

try me....

New Bush Joke

2008-01-11T00:11:00.000-08:00

President Bush was in a meeting with his top advisors when his chief of staff came and whispered in his ear.... The COS, Josh Bolton had said to Bush, "Sir, there were to Brazilians shot in the war today" President Bush had a look of confusion on his face???? He asked, "Just exactly how many is a brazilian"

urban sounds

2008-01-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

it used to be that the animals, sun and the wind served as clocks... a long time ago, a time i didn't live. bt from what we see in the movies or read in old books, people used to tell time on a farm by the position of the sun- lunch time or supper...

the cock would ring out his bells as soon as the sun came up and that meant the beginning of the day.high noon very hot sun, that is when they'd go inside for lunch and a break from the sun.

many years away from the peaceful awakening the farmers used to have, i can now tell time by the urban sounds uttered outside my window... 5.30 am a motorcycle hums loudly outside and a faint whistle annoyingly pierce the quiet barrier. soon after u can hear the buses a block away, when the steal dark night ruled there were no motors but now, after the whistle there is one every 10 minutes and in less than 40 minutes it will be rush hour so there will be 10 buses to a minute. mid day/ high noon and the cars outside the school play loud rap/ brazilian funk to tell me that is time for lunch, and at supper time there is no supper, however there is a 120 km traffic backing up the highways, as the sun goes down the horns go higher, almost as if everyone is just plain yelling in the congested bumper to bumper traffic i hear 2 blocks away on the big avenue.

by 10 pm the traffic cools off and buses die down, you can hear hurried footsteps and the last noise before bed is usually the garbage truck with the clunks and clinks cleaning out our busy day.

call me old fashioned, bt id give jst about anything to get back the cock-a-doodle-dos of an early morning!!!!!

USA Presidential Run

2008-01-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

showing emotion my ass!!!! hillary and her tears... hahaha great marketing move get the 14 undecided female subjects to share a moment

2008-01-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

out of all the things i lost i definitely miss my mind the most...

Pirates of the new millenium!

2008-01-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

i remember about 10 years ago when NAPSTER first came out, the hype it caused and everyone wanting IN on this new thing, that you were able to get music from anyone you wanted, rare recordings no longer available in stores, all with a click of the mouse... then came the news of how if downloaded anything infringing the copyright laws of the USA you would be on the "black list" and get called in for questioning and possibly even go to jail. i remember thinking how cool this all was, that the internet was so new and already people were inventing ways of communication and exchange. everyone was in awe of how it all worked.

a few years past, all threats about jail and whatever else subsided, then came youtube, and trailing along the famous bitorrent, and P2P... i personally started using the P2P in 2005, looking for old movies i couldnt find anywhere, soon the curiosity took over and i started looking for new tittles and recent books i had read...

after moving back to brazil, i was stripped of all my favorite series, so i started looking them up, and thanks to EzTV i can always get my "amaericana" fix, i get dexters hot off the shelf, loose myself with the whole series downloads and preview a movie before i actually go into the theaters... in no way this limits me to only downloading... but once i ve seen it on my little lap screen, if the movie is good is then i have no problem shelling out the 20 bucks to see it in the big screens!

the opening tittles of "Steal This Film- Part 1 " says Hollywood lost 7.1 BILLION dollars to piracy!!!! 7.1 BILLION!!!!!!! just imagine what that money could have done!

however the industry is not worried about world hunger, education or heAlth.. they are only worried about their pockets, and new cars, or the biggest blood diamond for their wife and mistress... so i say: GODSPEED Pirate Bay!!!! Long Live the Pirates!!!!!

the internet existed long before "we the people" were allowed in it! when they gave us access they limited what we could reach, but now.... oh now........ we have brilliant minds at work liberating us from chains and cells, giving us freedom to the all great World Wide Web!

**WATCH:
STEAL THIS FILM
STEAL THIS FILM II

LOLcats

2007-12-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

jst found a hillarious site with cat pics!

http://icanhascheezburger.com

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

trials and turbulations

2007-12-17T15:56:00.000-08:00

... finaly over!

after 3 weeks of intense stress and preparation for a job interview... im through to the next phase!

embarkation as of february 20th after my visa! yey!!!! 7 seas here i come!

we all knew this day would come

2007-12-05T04:28:00.000-08:00

** click on the title of this post for the original article on the NYT

it seems brazilians cannot escape their own nature of running when the going gets tough.

today the NYT had an article saying how brazil is expecting 1.1 milion illegal brazilians to return home because of new immigration laws. people who fled in the early 90s are returning to brazil with dreams of hope, the same hope they had when they left their home country for greener pastures. the only problem with this is that once uve been in usa, left brazil and never returned to visit visit u are at a great disadvantage, ur family is telling you that brazil is getting better, and that now u have a perfect english and u can find a job anywhere. besides if u r only going to clean toilets u might as well come back home.

what they dont understand is that home is something that no longer exists, for they have been away too long, and will not adapt as easily to the harsh brazilian truth...

yes brazilians have a more happy way of dealing with problems, lots of bbq's, beer and friends... but life here is not even as easy as ur toughest day in the usa.

to the people returning all i can wish is good luck, and when u look back, i hope u made the right choice.

as for me, 11 years of the usa, 5 years of brazil and i cant wait to get back HOME!!!

the waiting game....

2007-11-27T07:47:00.000-08:00

couldnt sleep last nite, so i decided that id stay up and get to the consulate early in the morning to see all info on crew visas and my immigration... all fine and dandy except when i arrived at 7.30 am they told me i wouldnt be able to go in till 3pm... nice huh!

so ive jst been sitting here and waiting ever since... decided to make my way to my dentist since i was very close anyway... one nice way to kill time! hahaha can u see how desperate i am!

ive been back for one hour and there is one more hour to go... so i write, i think and i wait!

on to phase 2

2007-11-26T14:49:00.000-08:00

monday nov 26

i received an email from the agency saying that im on to phase 2, training "life aboard" next week! yeyyyyyyyy

TESAOOOOOOOOO

2007-11-25T23:34:00.001-08:00

all aboard!!!!!!!!

2007-11-24T16:45:00.000-08:00

1st phase- OK

i have been wanting to get on board for a few years now. before i went off to london i my ex had a contact that had worked in a ship, bt since we broke up i lost the ocntact.. its all good though london was great!!! so when i came back i met up with an old childhood friend that had jst come back from his first contract as a youth entertainer on board, and as he spoke im sure my eyes glittered!

so i got home and got googleing, research paid off as i found a very good agency that works with 9 cruise companies. i applied and got a call back for the first part of the interviewing stages.

- psychology test
- spoken english
- written english

i slept over at jorge's place because it was closer to the bus station, however when i got to tiete i found out there was no buses to santos from there (even though on the web all tickets i found were from there)... anyway, i took the subway to jabaquara, and arrived in santos 20 minutes late...

once i arrived the girls at the office told me that there were no more bar tending vacancies, but i could choose waitress or maybe stewardess... since i was already there i was up for anything... besides ive been stuck in brazil for 9 mths and no job... so "hey ho, lets go!"

the psychology test was 2 drawings- 1 of a house and the second of a person... (???) then there was the listening test, a song from the calling played only once and we had to fill in the blanks... and finally the interview, we get taken in couples, the girl started with me asking me about waitressing, i told her i hadnt been a waitress in 14 years bt i guess u never loose ur touch.. she moved on to the girl that was with me, who was obviously very nervous, and her english was very, very basic... so not to make her more nervous than she was already the rest of the interview was done in portuguese...

the interviewer had a look at my CV and asked me if id be interested in the Photographer position, of course i said yes... it was funny because when i looked into the photographer position they asked for portfolios and cameras... bt she obviously thought i was good for it, and i was extremely happy to be considered for the position!!!

yesterday i got an email saying i had passed the interview!!!! now i will complete some courses and i should be on board begining of next year! cant wait!!!!!!

happy gobble gobble day!

2007-11-22T17:06:00.001-08:00

* a note from mommy

Thamara, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I want to give Thanks to the Future!
Thanksgiving next year we'll be together to give Thanks to all the good things on our life!
I want to have a beautifull table decorate with something outrageously different like the one you made for us in Bay Harbor!
I want to have a Thanksgiving with our very particular food, the mixing of American and Brasilian traditional holiday food that you love so much!
I want to give thanks to the mother/daughter relationship we share 'cause I'm sure it is the dream of every mother in this planet!
I'll have so much to give Thanks next Thanksgiving!
Today let's give Thanks to all the experiences we had being apart all those years!
Let's give Thanks to the Path we have create while we were separate!
Thanks to the persons we became trough the life we made far away from each other!
Thanks to be able to be so far and still se so close
I love you!
Mummy

becoming an adult

2007-11-20T09:35:00.000-08:00

- stability
- function in society
- play well with others (team work)

* to felippe

these were some of the things i really wanted when i was younger, i was desperate to know how to be an adult. the thought plagued my every minute, every time i went into an interview, every time i got a new job... every time i tried to be an "adult" by society's standards i got chucked away.

it took me a long time to figure out that none of that exists... none of it... everyone is fucked up in one way or another... there is no right way of being an adult... its not what u see on tv sitcoms, or how u see other people behaving... it just is.

we grow up with all sort of rules and regulations on what being an adult is, and that can really weigh in on u at times. being an adult does not mean holding a secure job, does not mean paying ur bills, does not mean going out for happy hour and does not mean getting married and having kids. being an adult JUST IS!

i was having a conversation with a friend who is a few years younger than i, who has jst gotten a "secure" job, and he was telling me how he "needed" stability, and how he wants to be an adult... at 20 something this is a really big deal... i know ive been there. bt as time goes on u end up realizing that the "adult" fairy- tale, is jst that. a fairy tale. although people may judge u because society has implied that an adult should be certain things... i am starting to think that being an adult has absolutely nothing to do with what we think it has.

i think being an adult mean owning up to who u r, accepting and acting the way u r, without being worried about what "they" will think, what "they" would do, how "they" would act. this simple thing its actually a lot harder to DO than it seems. we have family standards that we should comply to. we have society standards that we must abide by. however the ONLY important standards we SHOULD be worried about is OUR standard. we should only be who we are and nothing else. because people come and go, family will stick around a little longer, bt wanting it or not they will go away too- be it death or jst a matter of differences. friends, if u r lucky u will find some that will stick for a long time, bt nothing is a guarantee that they will be with u till u die... the only thing we have is US. unfortunately we will have to put up with ourselves for the rest of our days... so dont kid urself, u should be who u r, and u should want to be better for urself, because trust me... at the end of the line and u r old and gray, the only thing that will make u happy is if u had a good life...

living up to ur own standards can be much more demanding than having to follow some
made up rule society has implied!

which one are you?

2007-11-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

The Builder
Chemical in charge: Serotonin (associated with sociability and feelings of calm)
Personality: Calm, managerial, conscientious, home-oriented but social
Best match: The Explorer
Worst match: The Director

The Negotiator
Chemical in charge: Estrogen (associated with intuition and creativity)
Personality: Imaginative, sympathetic, socially skilled, idealistic
Best match: Good with all types!
Worst match: None

The Explorer
Chemical in charge: dopamine (associated with curiosity and spontaneity)
Personality: Risk-taking, spontaneous, curious, adaptable
Best match: The Builder
Worst match: The Director

The Director
Chemical in charge: testosterone (associated with independence and rational thinking)
Personality: focused, inventive, daring, logical, direct
Best match: The Negotiator
Worst match: The Builder

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

according to an article i jst read on chemistry and dating thesea re the 4 types of chemistry we are attracted to. i believe i am "the explorer", however i could be wrong... what do u guys think????

*** lets all chit that that!!!!

PS* if u click the title on this post it will take u to the article!!!!

Slave work in Ecomotion Pro 2007

2007-11-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

so ive jst picked up my ipod plug, and read: "Ipod USB Adapter. Designed by Apple in California. Assembled in Thailand"

my american brain cannot help but to go to "child slavery" $2 a day wage- bt being in brazil, made me go back to my last job, yes Ecomotion/... so here is what i got paid:

pre production-
oct/8 monday 14 hrs
oct/9 *tuesday 18 hrs (slept on the floor of the office)
oct/10 *wednesday 19 hrs
oct/11 thursday 16 hrs
oct/12 friday 20 hrs
oct/13 saturday 18 hrs
oct/14 sunday 15 hrs
oct/15 monday 18hrs

production
oct/16 tuesday 24 hrs (we for rio in a ride afetr working all day)
oct/17 wedsnesday 20 hrs (after arriving in rio lots of work all day long with dirty clothes, no shower, as our luggage was still in sp)
oct/19 thursday 18 hrs (still in dirty clothes)
oct/20 friday 15 hrs
oct/21 saturday 18 hrs (and here is where i find out Said Aiach renogotiated my wage, from US$ 20 dollars a day to $14 with no food, and no accomodation...

event
oct/22 sunday 16 hrs (driving in the atlantic forest)
oct/23 monday 18 hrs
oct/24 tuesday 18 hrs (finally arriving back in buzios and not having a place to sleep, i slept in an empty bed, then later i was charged $60 dollars for that night)

oct/25 thursday 16 hrs (slept in a car)
oct/26 friday 17 hrs (slept in tiago's bed, by the time he arrived the room i was passed out, so he had to find another bed- and i ... yes was charged another $60 dollars for it)
oct/27 saturday 18 hrs

so lets do the math: that is a total of 336 hours (in 3 weeks)
my paycheck: R$1000 (minus 240 for accommodation)= R$880
now if divide 760 by 336- we will get a waping $2.26 an hour!!!!

so here is where my head gets tangled... in china and thailand and whatever else place in the world that is a third world country, this is what their salary is... now why should i be happy that i got a job? if with all my diplomas and languages and baggage of information, i made .26 more than the regular slave rate?

people go on and on about slavery in asia, i would suggest to those poeple to come to brazil and see that its all "normal" procedure!

and im not the only one who had accommodation problems... perhaps im the only one who is saying this outloud... now what i cant get over is that mr. said aiach (owner of ECOMOTION/PRO trademark and event) got a LOT of money from his sponsors, meanwhile he didnt spend not even 1/10th of it, not on athlets- as he did not arrange security, boat provision, coast guard or any permissions whatsoever for the event... so where DID the money go????

not to mention the US$2500 per team (57 teams)!!!

if this was the states, im sure he could be facing some serious charges... bt then again its brazil, we make R$2.26 and we are as happy as we could be for getting a job, after waiting for 9mths!

still rio...

2007-11-05T05:02:00.000-08:00

im still here... this place is amazing.. im so in love with rio!

last week i went to a sao paulo game at a bar in ipanema, beach, beach and more beach... tuesday i might go see my favorite musician, yamndu costa, here is also an exhibition from Marylin monroes pictures for vogue at the MAM that i am dying to see..

i also heard the place for the best sandwiches is called servante, might make my way there 2nite... all this depends on my check clearing as of now i have a total of 4 reais to my pocket!!!!

Support Crew for D-Run

2007-10-30T15:04:00.001-07:00

2007-10-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

ecomotion- the end

2007-10-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

i had all these great ideas about what i was going to write and how i was going to trash the director online, and hopefully destroy him and versions to come of this event. halfway through i almost gave up, after realizing this guy has not gotten a clue of what he is doing, hes is a cheap, sleazy bastard who is only interested in one thing... money.

many things happened that i did not agree with, like we had no permission for any of the stuff we did, he put world athletes in danger by not having security on the water for them... among many other little and big things... by the time i reached buzios, my head was dizzy with stress and worries that were completely out of my hands.

as the days wore on, it became more apparent that the guy had no idea of what he was doing, becoming more obvious to me that i was completely lost and tangled in his web, because i ran around all day doing things, from 7 qm to 2 or 3 am... and sometimes up all night because the organizer would get his ideas in the middle of the night and have us his pawns "produce" it for him... felt like i had all these tasks to accomplish, however none of the actually resolved any of the situations that needed to be mended... it seem worse after the task was completed than if it hadnt been completed at all.

alas, for a whole 3 days i was away from the organizer and moved on to the atlatic forest with a photographer, and 2 cameras so we could shoot the teams throughout the event. this was an amazing time. all my worries bout the production and organization faded away once i was immersed in the adventure, rooting for my favorite teams, and watching them come and check in, eat change and take off on the bike or foot.
these guys are unnatural, they are superheroes... here i am complaining i had to sleep in the car because the organizer would not pay for hotels while we were out there, bt these guys were walking, running, biking under rain, shine snow... whatever, and yet, they come in to the check point with smiles, and a spark in their eyes, that i has lost many days before... all they could say was that the course was beautiful, and they were being challenged, they were happy- and for that I WAS HAPPY. until news came back on the radio that one of the top 5 teams had jst broken radio waves saying something was wrong on high seas... then all production worries washes over me... if this guy had gone with my contact to get permissions (sea permits, landing, rescue boats etc) we would worry...

bt he didnt and it took the organizer more than one hour to go the the fireman to ask for help, however there is a penalty for using radio, and if there is a search and rescue team sent out, the team that was rescued would looe its place in the race. the tide was high and there was 8 mt waves, no one had checked the sea levels before sending 2 top 5 teams in the water... and one hour in the sea is an eternity...

everyone on the edge, untill they finally show up in the horizon many hors later! it all worked well and Said, had managed once again to pull this off without any due harm to the athletes. i really wanted to trash him, and be mad at him... bt these athlets come in with great smiles on their face. amazed, happy, tired, full of emotions.. and not one thing bad to say about the track... i guess u really never do know unless u look in the eye of the storm.

all that hate and anger are still in me about the production, the carelessness... bt none of that mattes right now.

Pedro one of our check point managers and photographers suffered a head on collision yesterday on his way home. after spending 10 days in the atlantic jungle, with snakes, rain, mud, seaming "dangerous" he died instantly after a car hit him with all its might. the nature protected him so well , he became a part of its structure out in the wild, while in our everyday jungle he did not survive 2 hours after his immersion with LIFE.

we will miss you...

ecomotion

2007-10-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

emocotion here we gooooooooooooooo!!!!!
its 4.28am and im going to bed, the time has finally come. the week was completely insane... we still dont have a lot of parts for the event, bt im ready for deus quiser.... tomorrow i have to get my cat into town, send the train carts to get graffiti(ed) and thousands of things that i might not be able to mention... jst yet

im really excited about this, i think it will be insane... my week has been pretty much the same, not sleeping- bt working, doing somethng i love... IM HOMEEEEEEE

off to bed i go, if we have internet i will most certainly be posting more thiiiings

good nite

ecomotion- production coordinator

2007-10-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

emoction, emoaction what?????
yeap u got it, i jumped out of a moving airplane for a thrill and and forgot the shoot!

so almost end of week one... im not sure im actually allowed to speak of the behind the scenes but i must say this before i end up saying to a coworler an jeopardize my job.

so here is the thing brazil is all about indications for jobs, so of course i got this one as an indication, however i never imagined it could be like this.. im totally loving it, havent slept in 2 days, is all up in the air, i dont know if i even have a location for the start of the race, which will all depends on how rio de janeiro is being friendly that day in granting us permits for a beach closure in exactly 11 days.. however today is a holiday, so we are now looking at monday and will bring us to 7 or 6 before any news... i have no idea of the budget, or sponsors money, or anything else for that matter... i do know this my "big boss" has got to be a genious, because all of this information is in his head, u see all of us at the office walking around with always a pen in our hands and notes and notbooks, him however... NOTHING... maybe hell take the visual communication book here and tehre, bt everything else is all in his head... and i have a feeling he might have been an only sn, because he does not know how to share.

so basically i have spent the last 4 days talking to his government contatcts in rio, who were supposed to make it possible for the start of the race to come thru only, today when i called, and asked about the project, the man simply said... and this has got to be one my favorite phrases "well, its jst not my jurisdiction" basically from conversations i have picked up in the air this is how it happened:

-ECOMOTION is sort of like the amazing race, only its done in 4 days
-this year it will be 444km in rio de janeiro
-the fundraising for this one seems to have been done through politics
-they ask for favors and give nothing in return
-as of today we still dont have a start
-we do have an end- BUZIOS
-we have a tent for the party for 500 people bt no entertainment
-no restaurant for lunch (500) because the contact he gave me is a sponsor of a rival phone company that is sponsoring our race
-it looks to me my boss is a missunderstood graphic artist, everytime he goes by the computer witth the visual comunication part he never ever returns to meetings or answears any questions rto anythig else
it seems like i have free reign of things, and i look good doing it bt the thruth of the matter is that nothing has really been assigned... its sort of....
just happening....

it just happened..

taht sounds like a very lame excuse for anything ... especially an event of such magnitude....
but i guess... looking form the inside... it is... jst happening

www.ecomotion.com.br

2007-10-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

and there is also a gossip which i cannot go into at the moment... bt it seems that a

2007-10-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

the job hasnt even started, bt i have already begun to feel all the nervous energy involved in producing... its been all bottled up inside, jst call me ms speedy gonzales!

anyway, negao, the dog i found has been schedule to shoot a brazilian film called filme fobia, since 2 mths ago, and guess what? yeap its for next week, MONDAY to be exact... and of course, in that weak moment i have chosen to trust people, they always back out... that leaves me with a huge dilema, i must go into the production offeice get all the info i need to start the ball rolling and then, i gotta run across town and get to the shoot, i did ask my trustee friend if she could accompany the dog to the shoot and i would meet up with her, bt yeap... u guessed it... no she cant... jst as she couldnt when i finally got them into the tv show to be adopted and the same when i asked if i could borrow the car... bt ill do it... i always do, and as always ALONE.

bt its allllll good...

power

2007-10-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

today i got my first job in brazil after 9 mths here... i could have given birth!!!
so my IQ (read indication quote) from a friend introduced me o a friend of his, who has a friend who has a production company, but in events... i went there and met the guy, he likes me but it turns out he cant pay me my cache, bt i am taking the job anyway, it beats sitting here and doing nothing...

its actually a very cool event, its sport marketing... sort of a triathlon thing, athletes from all over the world come to brazil to participate in a 10 day competition with kaiaking, mountain climbing... all sorts of things. ill be responsible for the good stuff.. paaaartyyyyyyy yey!

so im sure ill be very busy, good thing is that im going to buzios, i cant wait to see the beach!!!!

dorothy and her red shoes

2007-10-01T04:47:00.000-07:00

my shoes wont take me home...
everyday that goes by is one less day i have with my family. one less hug, one less kiss, one less moment with the people i love, the people who ultimately are the only ones in the world that "gets" me.

i am so afraid of this interview that is not even scheduled yet. so afraid they;; deny me, as they have in the past. i am so american, and yet not enough and so brazilian and again not enough... im lost is what i am.

every year one less birthday, one less xmas, one less new years and one less thanksgiving... i am not thankful for all the pain im going through, i am not thankful for the pilgrimage into this forsaken country to which my passport belongs to. i am not thankful for being separated from my family. i am not thankful for the family i have in the country i should have belonged to because i am not them. science may prove the blood in our veins are the same, but there is not 1 mml of it the same. ive become too different... i dont belong to their clan anymore. and the clan that i belong to is rumaging in other pastures, and the electric fence keeps us apart.

almost going on 7 years without my pack. i left a little girl, my father has not seem me become a woman, my mother has not been there when i needed because the distance made it impossible. will we be able to make up for lost time? pick up where we left off? or will i end up loosing them as i lost my cousins and uncles? does the blue passport deserve all this?

they went to new horizons to offer me a better life, to give me more, to make me more, looking back all i can see is what i lost, what AMERICA took away from me. it took away my life, my breath, my heart.. and it left me here, excluded alone... separated from the only thing that should matter to a person... their family... so i ask... CAN I HAVE THEM BACK PLEASE? CAN I COME HOME?

i wouldve

2007-09-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

i would have played my time as a pawn
i would have been great at it

i would have kissed asses and licked shoe steps
and have been really great at it

i would have dress the part
ate the part
farted the part

as i was asked to

i would have done many many things to get to where i wanted to be
if THEY wouldve let me

but unfortunetly (y cant i ever spell unfortunately???) this is the one word in the english dictionaru i cannot get a hold on!!!
anyway unfortunatly for them and very fortunately for me they didnt let me... and for that im great full...

is it thanksgiving yet?????

alvorada

2007-09-30T17:55:00.000-07:00

so after the silly self loathing episode of last week, i have decided that the fate of my "father daughter" relationship is not going to be the king that i will wake one day when he is dead and mourn the time we didn't have.

so on Friday i told him id like to talk to him, and asked him to "be there" mentally for me... so no drinking, no girlfriend... and today Sunday he was. i have been through hell and back on my emotions, since i came to Brazil.
i have no car, no job, and no friends, no family. its been pretty much a "non time", where i am forced to revisit trunks, and boxes in my memory... because of that i am coming to terms with a lot of things in my life.

i realized that because of my past, i became very judgmental of the "male" figure, and for them i have no respect, hence all the failed relationships, where i go out and find a useless man, just so he can prove me right. that all man are shit. that is why i went on to the underwear diary years, which them became my celibacy vote year. everyone has they journey and their time to find out things, to get to know themselves. some will, some won't... some will choose to live in denial. i have not.

i realized that since my parents divorced, i excluded my father from life, so its obviously not fair to expect him to BE a dad, or be MY dad now. we will have to work on it, the both of us.

my father never graduated 8th grade, because my grandfather would not buy him a book he needed to school, and since then, he never gave my father anything else. when my parents got together and moved out, my grandfather presented my father with a bill, for all the cigarettes and whatever else he bought my dad. my parents payed this in full... so i guess to my dad, him helping me with money to this date (30 years after my birth) means he is a father, because he is giving me what he didn't have. but i want more. i want the TV commercial. my 16 year self wants to come home running with a huge dilemma that only he can help. i want to sit on his lap, and i want him to pet my head, kiss me on the forehead, and tell me everything will be ok, because he will fix it. i want him to fix it.... i want us to fix it.

so today, for 23 minutes i "vomited" all this information on him. and i told him i wanted. i told him i dint need him to apologize, because i love him and what is in the past will stay in the past, however we can work on the future, if he wants to. i also told him that if he is not ready, its ok, ill wait. but i don't want him to do it if he doesn't want to. i hope that today we opened a new door to our future. i hope he wants to be there with me, i don't mind if we take mini baby steps and i don't mind if we take big leaps, just as long as he is there with me!

Carrie Bradshaw moment

2007-09-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

best wake up call...

i have a friend who is a dj, we met about 6 years ago when i first arrived brazil... hes always good fun to go out with, and before i took off to london, long after he and my friend had no more relations and after she had had a baby (from another guy) i decided to take the plunge and swing to djs beats... 3 yrs ago.. it was great fun, and since i left, 2 days later, it didnt affect our friendship at all... we kept in touch on msn and i did contact him when i got back, and we always go out and dance all night and most times he ends up crashing at my place, but since that one time i have not beat the drums again...

last week we went out to a prty where he played at, and stayed overnite at a hotel since the drive back was about 4 hrs, and it is always nice to go to sleep with something cuddly next to u.

this morning at about 8.30 am my phone rings and i am awaken with declarations of love... there is nothing better to a girls ego than having a man telling u that u r the most precious thing in the world, and how special and dear to him u r... me being an old player of the cat and mouse game... know this well... very well indeed...

i am now the object of desire... and how great it is to know how to play it...

ahhhhhhh if i would have only learned this a few years back i wouldnt have let my heart "THUMP" for those who didnt deserve...

so here is the bradshaw moment:

why is it that when u act/ or trully are uninterested they are interested?

and when is it that we women learn how to play this to our advantage...

see my friend is at an explicit gain at the moment, since i decided to take my celibacy vote, and not have a relationship, "until im right in the head" which lets face it... might take a reeeeeeally long time... but none the less i will not be making use of this new found tool, just yet... with the exception of feeling up my ego... oh alll right... maybe ill jst get the target practice out of the way...... im sure this tool come with many glitches, so i might as well test it out before putting it into full functionality....

im off to class now...

ta-ta

one more

2007-09-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

one more night
one more day
one more coffee
one more pack of smokes

bless me diary....

2007-09-27T12:53:00.000-07:00

another piece hidden on the botton of the trunk- august 2006

bless me diary for i have not had intercourse in 15 days....

and counting....

went out last nite, as always i was THE only girl and my mates, nick (who
ive fucked- once) chris, liam and aaron. ive told them about my master plan,
and they failed to c a reason except for liam, who seemed to be very
supportive of me, right before he blew my mind by saying he was gay!... not
in those words but he mentioned relationship followed by a "him", i dont
mind... its jst that i did not see that one coming AT ALL, he has no
maneirisms, doenst look like one,doesnt dress like one...  there is no
special sparklle in the eyes... hes the macho gay... i think that is the
first of the spicies that i encounter...

all in all it was good fun.

wayne, who i met last week came by wrk today, he wants to take me out to
dinner... this whole i dont want to have sex anymore thing, came after a
conversation i had with him... well not exactly it was a brief conversation
with my mom, right before i went out with him- and so far i think ive made a
very good decision!

still at wrk so im going to go now!

2007-09-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

jst found this in my email box...

i find it extremely amusing when people get fixated on cleansing space,
meditating and feng shui, and still manage to act like royal twats!

its almost as if they rely on those things to make their ligfe a little less
stressing but never actually take the step to make it so!

ive been covering reception at this really busy production company ( and
reception is defnetly not what i do) bt as a 3rd world country immigrant
that is what i need to do first.

the md of this company, is this wound up lady who is stressec out of her
wits... bt evryday shell walk in and do the whole incense burning ritual...
she does the sticks and the receptionis has to do the other ones... if its
her thing how come she doesnt do it al?????
its always the one person u r scared the most that most of the mishaps end
up happening. i jst took a call for her and the persons name completely
escaped my mind- and when i told her that she screamed at the top of her
lung at me. now i was putting the phone call thru anyway, so would it
reallyu be that bad if she had to ask the persons name again?

i hate power trippers... and strippers, everytime it feels like she
completely puts me down and i end up feeling like crap! now ive only been
here for 5 days! i couldnt possibly wrk here full time!

she had a strip on the floor painted red to even out teh space... she mst
surely believe in karma then, and if she does... does she not know its all
going to one day catch up to her?

anyway its all for now

REPRODUÇÃO

2007-09-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Dia Quase Qualquer
de Camila Moraes
** blog misterios da milaca

Quarta-feira, dia qualquer, e hoje vivi quase de tudo um pouco. Acordei como há que acordar e decidi comer fruta com aveia, o que QUASE nunca faço. Comi o mamão quase pela metade do prato, sem gosto que eram, a fruta e a aveia. Saí de casa pouco depois das nove, quase o horário que tinha programado. Bom. É incrível (ou crível) a quantidade de coisas que acontece – ou quase – e que acaba por fazer de uma quarta-feira qualquer um dia digno de livro ou novela (cinema pode ser menos espetaculoso).

Casa de Jorge Villa, centro. Cheguei à casa do Jorge, realizador audiovisual e crítico quase ferrenho da Colômbia e a chamada “colombianada”. Eram as 10 ou quase, conforme o combinado para a entrevista. Não fosse o forobodó em frente ao edifício, o plano teria se realizado. Não dei bola para o que me parecia “qualquer coisa”, como faço sempre. Primeira pergunta vai, a resposta quase vem, e resulta que aquela era a data de uma inspeção no prédio, quase para ser desocupado. Vizinhos entraram e saíram acompanhados da advogada e de uma que chorava soluçando horrores ou por aí. Um pouco mais de tempo e um pouco menos de drama, e consigo convencer o Jorge de que a culpa do cinema (ou quase) na Colômbia é da televisão. Saí quase satisfeita: convite para gravar em Cartagena. Bem bom.

Centro de Bogotá, e caminhei entre frustrada e animada com o lance do Jorge. Da projeção passei num átimo à real realidade. A consulta médico no “Profamília” não tinha horário, mas era como se quase. Andei correndo para evitar o meio-dia o horário livre do resto do mundo (ou praticamente isso). Consultório da Dr. Diana, e eu descubro que meu DIU recém-colocado está sendo repelido pelo meu corpo rebelde. Necessidade de exame de gravidez, e termina que eu quase posso ser mãe.

Repito: quarta-feira, um dia qualquer. Nem era feriado. Quase flertando com a idéia da maternidade, eu quase consigo confirmar a possibilidade da dúvida, não fosse minha incapacidade de fazer xixi no momento em que mais preciso dele. Foram 45 minutos de espera para as primeiras contrações da bexiga, e fico sabendo que ser mãe – ou quase – é uma espera que começa muito antes do que se imagina. Não deu nada. Ótimo. Por agora.

Carrera 7ª, eu semi-aliviada. Quase perco o almoço por pouco preço, não fosse a pressa que me garantiu restaurante aberto e o PF de frango. Corri comendo, e logo o filme começou no horário, às três ou quase. Cinemateca Distrital, filmaço, uma loucura. Saí pensando que tinha o tema do meu sonhado documentário. Algo muito inovador – ou quase –, tipo a relação homem e mulher. Tipo simples e contundente?

Tipo cinco da tarde, e aquele sol com ar frio que só Bogotá... Ameacei ir à aula do curso da universidade, mas no fim não. Uma quantidade de coisas em uma quarta-feira, e ao final nada. Estava quase confusa. Cansada. Afinal, quase entrevistadora, realizadora, mãe e documentarista. Incrível a quantidade de coisas que ameaçam acontecer em um dia. E nem era feriado.

sleep is to dream

2007-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

drained
tired
15.000 songs and not one i want to listen to on my ipod
150 channels and not one i want to watch
thousands of movies on my hard drive and not one captures my attention

the web is endless with information i dont want to go after

all i want is to sleep
to sleep a dream
deep and long

i wish to sleep
to sleep to dream
dream to forget

forget the pain and tiredness in my brain
my mind wonders places i dont dare to go,
i wander around the house, up the stairs
down the stairs... and nothing, nothing visible nothing there
nothing in my heart

2007-09-24T18:18:00.000-07:00

social exclusion....

things are feeling pretty weird lately, besides my "im not good enough for anything" feeling i have completely taken myself out of any and every simple and complicated relationship that i had.

the funny thing is that i keep telling myself that id like to be friends with my dad again and include him in my life and i keep trying to make the effort, day after day, and it seems like he keeps shutting me down...

one day he cant speak to me in portuguese because his stupid 33 year old bimbo of a girlfrind doesnt like when he speaks his mother language to his daughter, and the other time because he is watching a movie, because.... clearly the movie is much more important than to speak with his daughter, his blood, the only person who is going to actually care for him when he needs... the one who has been locked away in another country, away from family friends and life in general all because of HIM. because HE chose to go to the USA when i was 13, and because, HE chose to have his family there, only to kick us out in our asses one year later... because HEEEEEEEE didnt have enough time to be young!!! HE who partied night and day and day and night, and i at the ripe age of 10 would have to pick up his, high and drunken body off the streets and shower him, because he had piss and vomit all over...

does he even remember that? does hee even care that IM making an effort to include him in my life?
does he even care how lonely i am... because he made decisions that influenced my life in more ways that i can count... and yet he cannot be man enough to be responsible????

could that movie really be that important?
does it really matter if he is or not in my life?
and more important still... is it really worth it to have him in my life?
should he get to have me in his?????

right now... i dont think he deserves me as adaughter, i dont think he deserves my love, and i dont think he deserves what i have to offer him, because obviously there are many more important things to him in his life than me.

and decades after...

2007-09-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

finally after 7 (SEVEN) years of not seeing pictures of my dad, my cousin went to visit NY and sent me these...

speaking of decades....

2007-09-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

my cousin jst sent me pictures of 1991!!!!!! hahahaha

and the decades starts piling in... and the simpsons are still tehre

2007-09-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

when the simpsons hit fame i was already a well bread american girl tv bound, so obviously i was not supposed to like the cartoon, so of course id watch 90210 and melrose place... bt id always flip back and forth and laughed out loud with the middle american family, not even realizing the parody they were painting would last me years to come.

15 years later the movie comes out. one and a half decades, too many months on which we grow old in, too many days to remember the reruns... too much time and none at al, as the great family still has some stunts to show not only america bt the whole world that making fun of middle america is fun... so for all of u anti- americans... have laugh... this may not bring the patriotism of bugs bunny goes to war, bt it will definitely mark a stepping stone for us sons and daughters of mass media. long live warhol!!!!

more, more, moreeeeeeee new pieces!!!!

2007-09-03T16:51:00.000-07:00

"anel constelação"
anel giratorio estilo "bvlgary"- de casca de côco com detalhe em prata- do outro lado do anel o simbolo do zodiaco "touro"

face value

2007-09-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

it is a sad feeling to be the presence of a woman who does not know her own value.

i met a couple of friends this weekend for a bbq, after the bbq a friend of mine said her friend was the producer of a show that was happening and he could get us in, so we all went to the show... sure enough he did get us in, we did have fun, and at he end of the night she said she was going to go home with him, because "after all" he did get us in for free. that triggered a little something in my mind.. i couldnt believe a 29 year old woman was telling me she was selling herself for a few tkts to get in to a show!

i mean "after all".... i dont care what she does with her life or her pussy, or anything else for that matter, but to actually vocalize that she was going to jst because???? i mean c'mon!!!!!! u gotta be kidding me right? u wanna stay, stay, bt to put a price on that was jst ridiculous! and to include me in this price, because after all i did use the free pass, so what??? was she paying with herself for me too??????

its no wonder latin and south american women are viewed as whores all over the world, when they act as if they are one, even when not in that situation, could men expect anything else?????

new pieces

2007-08-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

2nd piece geea designs

2007-08-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

its been a while...

ive gone back to my old days of staying up all night, but the one that keeps me company now is the forever entertaining screen.. with all of its 61 channels and nothing to see, bt it is still mind numbing...

the house has ben on the market for a few weeks and there has been a couple of propositions, nothing written down or money in the bank yet, bt very close to choosing a buyer. its jst a pain in the ass to actually occupy the house and sell it, as sometimes u r jst not in the mood to have anybody over, and the dishes havent been done, and u really dint feel like doing it...

bt alas it must be done...
so now i must choose between buying an apartment in the city and securing my future with a piece of property, or investing it and choosing to buy my safety net later... since my family has not ever done any kind of investing, im completely lost on the subject...

thats all it has happened not really up to writing right now... c ya

2007-08-18T23:53:00.000-07:00

como acontce o poder d saber q vc incomoda e poder d saber q vc NAO se importa em INCONDOAR....

um elefenate incomoda muita gente
doissss elefantes incomodam muito maissssssssss

the age card

2007-08-18T23:05:00.000-07:00

somebody played the age card onme today...
im sure i would have been really upset if i was younger, but today i simple said... if u r not happy retire yoruself.. except not in so many nice words.- no i take that back... im jst as upset... NO ONE ever has the right to the the age card unless theyve really been thru it and understood it... its not jst because U r unconfortable with what i say, that u have the right to use the age card...

if MY MOM doenst use the AGE CARD Y should U???????

my jewelry teacher, introduce me to his wife, and she had this "im better than u " vibe ... i was having a conversation with another person that got HEATED... at the end of it all u could hear at the bar and across the street was my voice.. telling him... I DINT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANY LONGER TODAY>>> STOP

she then, took her TRUMP card ..the age... and said something to he effect that i was ONLY 30 and i had NO IDEA BLA BLA BLA and that she would NOT stay there any longer, and i said... well, that is ur choice... u r always welcome to go...

i do feel bad... but she had no place in the conversation i was having and im sure if i was jst the obxious couple sitting in the next table she would ve never gave me the ultimatum... so .. i think people should really put their money where their mouth is, and when in MY TERRITORY "mind ur war and battles" because I WILL FIGTH till death... mst likely URS!

in a differebt time, i would have said im sorry...in a different time i would have apologised and asked her to please stay, because i needed her to accept me.
today I acceot me, i am happy with my choices, if i raised my voice i knew why... and no the saying isnt thruth.. if u raise ur voice u loose ur right... she HAD NO PLACE in the conversation, the only person who could have said something was the one was was disageeing with.. and funny enough... she left and we had 20.000 other topics to discuss....

the moment of rebirth

2007-08-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

thâmara geeampaolo

its official!!!

2007-08-12T17:00:00.001-07:00

my first piece!!!

today i began my apprenticeship as a jewelry designer!

i am officially taking orders, so get urs while they last!!!!

its official

2007-08-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

today i began my apprenticeship as a jewelry designer!

my first piece

ranting and banting

2007-08-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

so here is what id like to say to my dads bimbo's every time they pick up the receiver and interrupt my conversation with him....

so here we go miss centerfold of the month... i like only because u happen to be my father's choice of the month... if he is happy im happy, bt dont confuse that with friendship... u have nothing to give me only to take, so know ur place...

and on a more personal note... no decent 30 something year old women would put herself in a position where she would date a man 20 years her senior, with a 30 year old daughter, unless she suffered from the "daddy syndrome". take a look around u idiot!!!! hes got nothing to give u!!!!!!!!!

CALL CENTER

2007-08-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

since technology came into our lives many things has become automated, which sometimes is a great thing, as opposed to having to repeat urself ten thousand times to get to who u need to speak to, u can simply dial the numbers on ur phone to get transfered.

customer service however, does not go into "great modern technology goodies" its saturday, ive jst pent the last 3 hours on the phone with my net/cable/phone company. apparently they lost one of my payments (MAY) i have never been notified of this by snail mail or otherwise, today (AUGUST) they decided to simply suspend my line. now the problem with the 3 in one for any thing is the same as we thought in the 80's if one breaks down, THEY ALL break down. so they cut off my internet, therefore cutting my phone line as well, even though the phone line is provided by a different company, and they have NOTHING TO DO with it, as it was explained to me. also, i am in brazil, that means that 800 do exist however the companies do not offer this to the clients unless the client asks for it. NET/EMBRATEL are my services, i pay 1 months minimal wage for this service (R$380.00). (about 200 US$)

when i called and they told me that they were missing the may payment i explained that i was never informed, and that from my receipts that month has been paid, even after i gave the bank code and info they cannot allocate my payment, however i can file a complaint and they will search for the payment... meanwhile i do not have service. i argued that, as long as i was not informed of this unpaid bill they did not have the right to cut off my service, for as if i knew i was missing a payment i could have done something about it. now here is my problem with the "call centers", besides the robotic voice and text, they simply DO NOT THINK... if when they press "enter" they are given a text they read that out loud, and its as if there is nothing else to do! my thoughts are: if there really ISNT anything they can do (as people that would be THINK and find the best solution) then we might as well have EVERYTHING automated.

- please punch in the keys for your account number
- 73943902
-for payment press 1
-for suspend line press 2
-2
-ur MAY payment has not been received, if u paid this bill, please press 1
-1
-please tell us the bank code/ sorting number
-983472949264
-please tell us the amount paid
-380.00
-thank you, we will update our system. please allow 48 hors for system to be updated

now, there is no fighting a computer is there? they cant answer, they cant think... so Y are we still having PEOPLE answering the phones if there is nothing else they can do, except READ A SCREEN??????

NaNoWriMo

2007-07-31T22:13:00.000-07:00

shes at work. in her small cubicle punching keys in the keyboard, still having no idea of what she is doing, bt she is trying to do her best. its 10.30am, time to go around the front and pick up the mail.. all accounts payable related stuff. she asks her boss and the mexican girl that started a day before her if they d like any coffe on her way back, they both say no without ever looking up or mentioning a thank you.

she walks to the front part of EASTCO Insutrial Cleaning Company. "hi and good morning all around", she goes thru the mail and finds a box addressed to her.. from florida. her father sent her a gift. as she opens the box she realizes its a cell phone. its 1998, she has jst moved back to ny for a wedding that didnt happen. she bought an old mustang for 400 dollars with no front ventilador and her father insists on her having a cell phone... "just in case, what if the car breaks down" he said. she ois so happy, this is one of the very few times he actually showed interest in parenting. however her happiness was short lived. inside the box , there was piece of paper with crooked number running across... 00's here 000's there, scribble scribble... then she realized that even the US$100 he sent 2 weeks before was written down with the added postage to the "help"

she recalled their conversation maybe a month before, when her engagement went to shit, and she didnt have a penny to her name. she called him to ask if she could go get her rodeo isuzu so she could bring it back to ny. she was living in a rented room in long island and working 40 minutes away.. there was no train or busses so she neede the car to get to work. she also asked him if he could help her out and pay maybe the next 2 car pyments and insurance, jst so she could get settled... he said he could buy the car from her instead, and insisted on her not going there to get it. ever since that conversation, he had sent a couple of hundred dollars here and there. until that moment, she really thought that her father had finally understood his responsability to his 21 yearl old daughter. but, no... she wrong.

she comes back to her desk, sorts out the mail and goes about her day, thankfully the small cubicle was set up so none of its three occupants ever had to look at aeach other unless u made an effort and rolled back on ur seats. as she keyed 123.00+43.98+76.89 plus the infinite list of payables, her eyes stingged with the sour tears rooling down her cheek.

lunch time, off to seven eleven for the one dollar hot dog, and a half empty bottle of water she filled up in the bathroom before she went to left. she ate in silence, she ate the salty dog and drank the water. staring at the box she placed on the passenger seat. she realized the list of crooked scrible was an exagerated sum, rounded off to the nearest 10/100 to benefit him was the price of her car.

teh isuzu rodeo was a partial present from an admirer back from when she was gold. an eccentric, and bit crazy gentleman who used to go into goldfingers and buy dances from her with checks.. that sometimes bounced. david tracked her down in florida, and asked if she was ok, when she told him that she had sold her jeep wrangler he sent her US$5K, without telling her, and she used that fro the down payment on her US$25K rodeo... which now belonged to her father for the grand total of fifteen hundred dollars.

it was winter and jones beach parkway was covered in white. 6pm looked like the end of the day, and there was no color in the ski. she felt like that color. the color of nothing, the color of displeasure, the color that meant nothing like she meant nothing to the first man of her life. she was numb. numb as the wind in the winter. no more tears to mark her face. no more strength to ask why, or try to understand or even accept. jst numb.

when she got home, she parked the car in front of the small long island house. the cabriolle was in the driveway-that meant half pint was home, the lights were on. but inside there were no friends waiting her. she had left everything behind in florida to marry her on again off again boyfriend, whom she had broken off with 4 times... when they got back together, and she knew it wasnt right... she jst couldnt bring herself to break up again... so she took one for the team, and when he proposed, she sunk in herl ake with 100 lbs stones tied to each leg. everytime they walked into an apartment she sunk a little more. everytime they bought a piece of furnitiure she lost a heart beat. but hey, she was 21, she was engaged and she was going to get married. until last month when he finally said the the phrase she had longed to say... "we need to talk", somehow she loosened herself up, and struggled to the surface, she could see the light about to break through... she gasped and took a deep breath... ahhhhh life, how sweet the smell of freedom.

she had left ny a couple of years back, taking a full u-hall truck and a broken heart to where the grass is always green and the sun is always shining. a place where if you dont like the weather , jst wait 30 minutes and it will change. swearing never to come back to ny. that life she left behind. no friends came of it. no contacts. no place to go. half pint was her ex's best friend, the kind of friend that makes a pact that if they're not married by the time they are 30, theyll marry each other. she was the only person she knew in ny. they had an empty room- she took it. bt those people could never be her friend.

in her early 20's and already so broken. so full of baggage. no, long island is no place for someone like her. the perfect houses, and the perfect garden, with the perfect fences and perfect families. with the perfect tragedies... the manicured nails and lawns, the stylish hair cuts and purses. no, they wouldnt understand. she took a deep breath, picked up the box and her purse. promisse had done it again, got her home without breaking down.

TAM processada pela lei americana- NOTICIA DO BLUEBUS

2007-07-31T12:49:00.000-07:00

A TAM será processada na Justiça dos EUA pela família de uma das vítimas estrangeiras do vôo 3054, que explodiu há 2 semanas após tentativa frustrada de pouso no aeroporto de Congonhas, em Sao Paulo.

Segundo comunicado divulgado à imprensa hoje, os advogados Steven Marks e Ricardo Martinez-Cid, especializados em casos semelhantes, entraram com uma açao judicial em um tribunal na Flórida para representar a família do peruano Ricardo Tazoe. O passageiro, de 35 anos, tinha cidadania norte americana e morava em Miami.

"A partir das provas coletadas até aqui, está claro que a TAM sabia que havia problemas com a aeronave", disse Marks no comunicado - "O reversor direito do aviao estava desativado antes do vôo... e, se estivesse operante, poderia ter evitado o acidente", acrescentou. De acordo com o comunicado, a empresa brasileira será processada por negligência de sua equipe de pilotos e de manutençao.

___________________________________________________________________________________

e ai vem a globalizacao!
antigamente os brasileiros nao estariam sujeitos a nemhuma lei alem das leis brasileiras. porem nos dias de hoje, onde tantos sairam e conquistaram outros patamares alem da nossa "limitacao do mapa", e muitos outros visitam o nosso pais, chegou a nossa hora de saber como eh que eh q se faz a lei funcionar em paises do primeiro mundo.

esse nao eh o primeiro voo que mata pessoas no brasil, e tb nao eh o unico, porem neste voo havia uma pessoa com uma cidadania NAO BRASILEIRA, por isto esse caso pode ser julgado pelo pais desta vitima- sendo assim os estados unidos se enrola na nossa crise aerea...

o que vira disso, ninguem sabe, mas eu possso dizer o seguinte, conhecendo as leis americanas e sabendo que la a lei funciona, tanto para ricos como para pobres e ate para ilegais, imagino q todas as informacoes que ja sabemos sobre congonhas sera colocado em uma balanca e pesado... pois quando uma PESSOA entra em um aviao sabemos que tem o perigo de cair porem imaginamos que para uma empresa aerea FUNCIONAR ela TEM que estar de acordo com as leis... o q obviamente a TAM nao estava... isso consequentemente nao vai ser muito boa noticia para a TAM, nem congonhas e muito menos as outra empresas aereas brasileiras, pois agora esta TUDO sobre as lentes de MICROSCOPIOS AMERICANOS!

Mulher Quando Bebe....

2007-07-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Não sou casada, mas com certeza se fosse, esta poderia muito bem ser eu:

Na noite passada, fui convidada para uma reunião com "as meninas”. Eu disse a meu marido que estaria de volta meia-noite:
- Prometo! Eu disse.
Mas, as horas passaram rapidamente e a champanhe estava rolando solta. Por volta das 3 da manhã, bêbada feito um gambá, eu fui para casa. Mal entrei e fechei a porta, o cuco no hall disparou e "cantou" 3 vezes. Rapidamente, percebendo que meu marido podia acordar, eu fiz "cu-co" mais 9 vezes. Fiquei realmente orgulhosa de mim mesma por ter uma idéia tão brilhante e rápida (mesmo de porre) para evitar um possível conflito com ele. Na manhã seguinte, meu marido perguntou a que horas eu tinha chegado e eu disse a ele:
- Meia-noite!
Ele não pareceu nem um pouquinho desconfiado. Ufa! Daquela eu tinha escapado! Então, ele disse:
- Nós precisamos de um novo cuco. Quando eu perguntei:
- Por que? Ele respondeu:
- Bom, de madrugada nosso relógio fez "cu-co" 3 vezes, depois, não sei porque, soltou um "caraaaaalhooooo!". Fez "cu-co" mais 4 vezes e espirrou. Fez mais 3 vezes, riu e fez mais 2 vezes. Daí tropeçou no gato, derrubou a mesinha da sala, vomitou no tapete e voltou para a casinha dele.”

how DO they do that???????

2007-07-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

amazing feminine powers...

o Q da questao!

2007-07-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

acabo de descobrir que nao tenho ninguem na minha lista de emails com Q!
tambem fiz uma lista mental e nao conheco ninguem com o nome que tem Q
olhei tambem a lista do celular- e ZERO, nem empresa

alguem tem?????

vendas proibidas

2007-07-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

pois eh, acabei de ouvir uma frase q se eu tivesse falado teriam tacado pedra em mim!

por causa de toda esta desgraca do voo da tam, muitas coisas estao aparecendo no ar. estou assistindo o show "happy hour" na gnt e a host acaba de dizer q os brasileiros sao "acomodados" que aceitam tudo, sem brigar...

e nao eh exatamente isso q eu sempre digo??????? so que eu nao tenho direito mais de comentar nada... muito menos comparar... pq????? como nao???? se eu tenho uma experiencia diferente do q todos estao tendo, nao eh NORMAL comentar e comparar??? e ate de uma certa forma alertar e dizer "olha isso daki pode ser melhor- ou pior"

os brasileiros realmente sao acomodados, eles realmente aceitam.

as passagens aereas acabam de ter suas vendas proibidas com saida pelo aeroporto de congonhas- agora me fala: POR QUE NAO FIZERAM ISSO ANTES????????????

por que nao pediram/ protestaram/ gritaram para que isso fosse feito antes???? e sabe o q acontece??? o povo brasileiro RECLAMA q agora nao tem mais voo... pois eh acho q eles ainda preferem correr o risco do que fazer uma viagem de carro ou de onibus- ou DEUS ME LIVRE cancelar as ferias?????? magina!!!!!!

andar de aviao no brasil virou Xtreme Sport- carga de adrelina cada vez q pisa no aeroporto (vai q um aviao colide com o saguao?), adrelina no ar ( nunca se sabe o controlador pode ter decidido que justamente o seu voo nao vale a pena olhar) e quando finalmente chega na hora do pouso- se a pista estiver molhada... oooopaaaaaaa vai garoto- u r in for a treat!!!!! sua descarga de adrenalina pode ate te causatr um ataque cardiaco!!!!!! mas tudo bem, vc nao vai nem sentir pq o choke do aviao contra as residencias e predios do outro lado pista explodiram o aviao e vc morrera em 3 segundos flat!
- nao eh tao exciting quanto saltar de para quedas????? vai q ele nao abre...

1 dia depois do acidente um amigo voou de la! e na volta adivinha onde chegou??? aham! ding ding ding!!!!! acertou CONGONHAS! pois eh o dia de trabalho eh tao importante assim que as pessoas colocam a propria vida em risco!

quando eu perguntei "como assim??? vc voou de la??" a resposta foi " ah sim... so tem problema quando chove"

e dai eu pergunto a vc: se acabaram de morrer 200 pessoas em um acidente de aviao, pela compania q vc tem q voar, pelo aeroporto q vc tem q sair e entrar, vc colocaria a sua pequena preciosa vida em uma simples parte da metereologia????????????

popCorn

2007-07-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

so what makes pop orn pop?
is it the heat?
the oil?

can it pop without the oil?
im sure if u jst leave the oil sitting on the corn it wont pop...
but can u pop popcorn with water???

hmm i will have to try that!

when i was little my dad always made popcorn... my favorite was the caramel one... and after he popped it, he would put it into cubes and glasses or coffee mugs, and wait for it to cool off, and then tap on the bottom and pop the solid crushed popcorn... yummyyyyy...

i could never a sweet caramel popcorn as good as my dads... but i keep trying...

burning one kernel at a time1

TAM flight 3054

2007-07-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

200 hundred died after a plane failed to stop at sao paulo airport.

the Congonhas airport was shut down a few months ago, for the so important "fix-me-up" the airport had waited for so long. air traffic controller in brazil are military official earning about US$1000 a month. there arent that many of them, and they don not have many benefits.

since september 2006 there has been a lot of problems around the airports, TAm has crashed a plane with another causing 154 deaths on air, another plane also crashed a few months ago, which brought attention to the take off lane. that lane should have only been able for take offs, however since it was new and more "secure" than the other they allowed for both take of and landing- even though when landing they would be facing buildings and highway. the grooves were supposed to be installed 30 days after the lane had been closed down, and aged. however once that asphalt had been dried they put it work.

the accident happened at 6.48pm and the passenger list was only released close to 2am, making all of brazil wait for endless hours to find out if their loved one was on the plane or not.

flying in brazil is a relative NEW way of transport. up till the 90's it was extremely expensive and we only had 2 or 3 carriers to choose from. with the downfall of the dollar, and more turist visiting the jungle, more airlines started to pop all over- GOL, BRA, TAM- these offered up till last year flights all over brazil, for a not so expensive fair. in 2006 some of the also offered international flights.

Varig one of the biggest airlines went bankrupt, and started putting their paid customers in other carriers. this is all great, many people who had never flown were now able to fly to see family across brazil, as opposed to making a once a year car trip. the only problem with all this is that as many airlines filled the take off and landing lanes, nothing else had been changed. radars are still the same ones they used in the 80's, personel and pay is short and there is a 3 minute delay between one plane and another in Congonhas. lossing to 2 mintes for HEATHROW.

Congonhas is located in a residential area, that has grown over the past 20 years. when it was first built there was nothing there. because of the airport business propered, and there was a flow of people looking for cheaper housing. and new business. Campo Belo is the neighborhood. 20 or 30 story building ranging from R$200.000 to R$1.000.000, where planes come soaring down and shake the whole building.

we as humans are creatures of habit. we get used to what ever situation we have been put, or put ourselves in. the question is: how much longer are we going to do this for?

i have come to depend on the "i-reporters" of youtube for any real information here are a few clips:

listen to YOUR SELF

2007-07-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

today was the first time i chose NOT to, not to be surrounded, not to be in the middle, not to go to dinner, not be our with pseudo- friends.... as i have asked the universe to show me, it is now my time to act. today i acted!

appliances

2007-07-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

so there i am trying to get the ice out of the freezer from the new freezer, that keeps overflowing onto the outside area of the freezer, making it impossible to close the door.. nothing works... hot water, defrost, wait wait and wait... so i find a pointy knife to poke around and get the extra ice out so i can close the door... poke, poke, poke... tcheck, tcheck tcheck tcheck.. psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst.... run, turn off the fridge, turn off all the lights... hmmm what was that?? gas? hmmm, no smell, psssssssssssst..... knife in hand all lights off, plug out... pssssssssssssssst- i never had a fridge that made ice!!!i mean that the whole thing was ice--- u know little icicles hanging down- how should i know? i remember my grandmother had one, but the memory of ice in the freezer for me meant that neon blue refrigerator, rounded- 1950 style... would i ever imagine i had BOUGHT one in 2007????? i guess it does seem i had.. so now it will cost me pretty much about the same to fix as to what is going to cost me to get a new one... note to self: when buying a refrigerator in brazil make sure its FROST FREE

daddys little girl

2007-07-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

as incredible as this may sound, the 7 year hiatus from my "family" has actually brought me a lot closer to them.

imposed hiatus is something particularly funny. my father only realized he had a responsibility with me when i was 25,and thousands of miles away. a moment where he could easily have jst waived and said- what do i care???- better late than never i say... bt its been a good 5 years, having him remember me without me having to force my presence on him. as i write this, one of my parents old friends, has jst left the house to go see his 3 daughters and grandchild. they have made absolutely no effort in coming to see him. so he who is here visiting, has to go to the other side of town to "drop off" the presents he has brought them. we had a conversation the day he arrived, i explained to him that in the last 7 years i have found a "link" to my father... so far the only link is financial, once i am back in ny, i will have to do my part- this means call him, spend time with him, dinner, drinks, walks... whatever... HOWEVER i do know that if i dont make a move he is not going to- that is not to say he doenst want to, bt he will not show, emotions or love... that is jst how he is...

at 30 i have learned, all his flaws, accep[ted him in his shortcomings... it will not be easy, but i cant wait to "meet" him again, for the first time

o buço

2007-07-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

estava completamente deprimida depois dakela noite em que ele virou pra mim, apos um sexo maravilhoso e me contou sobre a menininha fofinha da sala dele. PODE????? e pra piorar a frase dele foi exatamente: "com ela eu dormiria agarradinho" isso de um homem que disse que nao suportava dormir colado com ninguem! um homem que nao sabia nem fazer conchinha!

me preparei, tomei akele banho, sequei o cabelo tipo charlies angel, maquiagem super sedutora, uma saia de couro maravilhosa, com botas de salto alto ate o joelho, uma blusa vermelha de cashmere com as costas decotada. simples, sexy e sedutora. queria mostrar ao idiota que me trocou pela ninfeta o que ele estava perdendo. uma mulher, que ficaria linda do lado dele e nao iria parecer a sua sobrinha. uma mulher viajada, inteligente. uma MULHER.

meu acompanhante era um amigo em comum, passei da casa dele e decidimos tomar um choppinho, pois ainda era cedo para chegar na festa. eu me sentindo a tal. e ele enchendo o meu ego... essa eh uma das melhores coisas de manter amizade... PURA amizade de um homem hetero, e NUNCA dar pra ele... quando vc mais precisa eles te fazem os mais perfeitos elogios. estava sentada em um banco alto, e uma parte da minha perna estava a mostra. vc esta linda! nossa... eu cantei um trachinho da musica da rita lee "cuidado garoto... eu sou perigosa" quando ele olhou no meu rosto ... chegou mais pertinho, e com o dedo indicador, bateu logo acima dos labios...

- o q foi?
- hmmm, nao sei... acho q esta sujo aki...
- aki???
- ...
- saiu???
- nao, eh o buco!

ainda bem que era noite, e a festa seria com iluminacao, baixa... mas a verdade eh q cada vez q me encontrava falando com uma pessoa por mais d 5 minutos lembrava do buco e saia de finiho!!!!

where were you???

2007-07-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

06.06.66
not born yet

07.07.77
hmm jst born, i might have been passing from lap to lap

08.08.88
somewhere in sao paulo- im really wishing i started keeping track of these dates sooner!

09.09.99
florida?

01.01.01-
last time i spend xmas and new year with my family

02.02.02
sao paulo- rua ana cintra

03.03.03
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

04.04.04
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

05.05.05
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

06.06.06
london- seven sisters

07.07.07
sao paulo- fritz martin

WHERE WERE YOU???

2007-07-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

07.07.07 live earth

2007-07-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

we will only be able to do that another 3 times in our life time!

there is a global event todat called LIVE EARTH... shows areound the world, the woodstock of my generation.

in brazil is being held in rio, out of all the continents brazil is the only place wher the show is free. lenny kravits and macy gray are among many of the guest. the event is a 24hr music concert, happening around the world in the hopes we as human will learn how to care for the land we live.

its sad that we as individuals and as a group do not have that embeded in our minds... we think, better we dont think... we use, and take advantage of our land, we ruin all resources not even entertaining the idea that once we leave this earth... the earth will still be here!

what u dont know can and will hurt u...

2007-07-03T23:36:00.000-07:00

i didnt know envy was so ugly and so concrete
i didnt kow evny could sometimes have a name
or even that it could be manifested from people close to u
i had never seen so much hate for someone,

i never knew...

2007-07-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

im sure this happens to a lot of people, but since i jst figured out music marks my groung here is my take...

i always seem to find music to fit me, and obviously i think they were made fro ME... calm down... my world is big enough for everyone to fit in... but jst remember i CHOOSE to make u a part of it...

amy winehouse is part of my paralamas do sucesso,as i found myself alone on the cold chicago days... as the days got colder and useless i found marky mark... yes WITH the FUNKY BUNCH, they kept me company for a while... before he tried out to be a stud on feature films... then i grew up and drugs and techno kicked in in the summer backdrop of florida... tamiamiMIAMI, yes much before will took his stab at welcome to miami...chemical brothers brought both the chemicals and the brotherhood of belonging in my life, crystal meth- made remember of the time rich man that bought that champagne and strawberies in the champaing room in goldfingers and paid me thousands to sit - SIT not TOUCH- in the middle with some nicleback and liVe... the mttalica noise in head made me burst...in the middle of that i found a greek man, and i went to see blue man... when i found them... joss stone belched me a save me, and I did... save myself...... then came eu sou de tododo mundo e todo mundo eh meu tambem..... the tribalistas knew what they wanted and i want is amy winehouse to take me home

2007-07-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

it hurts
it burns
the truth i deny to see

it burned the white off my
apple

we lived of of our love for days...
14 to be exact...
but love cant feed ones hunger of knowlegde and peace

i showed me the truth..
my reds are my companion.. for now.. ia m red

**inspired by: you sent me flying: (...how i did not mind when u stole all m smokes...)

... although sometimes i want more

2007-07-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

one mouth
2lips
capable of smoking
only 1 cigaret AT A time

so WHY do i have

THREEEEEEEEE lighters???????

revelations

2007-07-02T17:04:00.001-07:00

pois eh ainda nao durmi.. agora sao 20.30 acabei de chegar em casa sai com o andre e uma amiga dele que acabou de chegar da espanha que fez o curso com ele em cuba... ela eh muito fofa... mas tive uma realizacao um pouco triste q o universo me trouxe.... eu nunca imaginaria que fosse manisfestar dessa maneira...

estamvamos descutindo sobre pro e contras (acho eu) e estavamos falando sobre o valor literario da cultura brasileir (de novo... acho eu) e eu comentei que os livros nao sao advertised aki no brasil como la fora.. isso levou a uma discussao inutil do andre dizendo q eu sou reclamona, e que eu comparo os paises, e que eu nao estou contente e que eu nao faco nada pra mudar a situacao.... e que brasil eh brasil e eua eh eua

estou levando isso de acordo com a "oracao do sgredo" paraphrasing "sSe há algum inimigo, revelado ou não, querendo me atingir, que saia de minha vida. Pois, na minha vida só há lugar para amigos. "

pela conversa que tivemos no carro, incluindo deixar a convidada dele embaressed pelos comentaris DELE, ela estava me apoiando... me parece que ele eh invejoso das minhas venturas e desventuras pelo mundo e como ele disse "vc fala de coisas dos outros paises pras pessoas que nunca sairam do brasil e isso IRRITA essas pessoas" a unica pessoa q eele possa estar se referindo eh a wan e o marcelo e se esse for o caso, nao posso masi me involver com nemhum deles.... pois o UNIVERSO esta me mostrando o q eu PEDI e ORDENEI q ele me mostrasse... estou muito chateada com a minha descoberta perem... como sempre eu caminho meu caminho sozinha... com os meus proprios pes e pernas... meus olhos se enchem de lagrimas ao encontrar essas teclas e a dor no meu coracao me parte MAIS uma vez ao descobrir que coloquei meu amor e carrinho a desposicao de pessoas que talvez nao estivessem pronta a me receber nesse momento... eh com um pouco de tristeza que digo adeus nesta carta a eles, e nao pessoalmente... posi sei que so vc pode me entender!

depois de 30 anos ainda tendo de tudo pra conquistar amizades no meu caminho ... sera que algum dia alguem vai me aceitar pelo q sou???? sem me criticar???

desculpa... esse email ser um pouco triste, mas PLEASE... nao sinta pena por mim! e sim felicidade por eu estar escutando os meus sentidos... pelo q me parece u r stuck with me!!!! se um ser conseguir atingir somente uma OUTRA pessoa em sua vida isso eh uma virtude... vc me influencia, e sei q eh uma emocao mutua pois vc divide o meu mundo comigo... sem ter que pedir permissao, sem ter que se desculpar, gostando ou nao das minhas opinioes, mas sempre me respeitando! muito brigada! vc eh minha heroina!

muitas pessaos passarao por minha vida, disso eu tenho certeza, algumas ficaram masi que as outra, mas poucas dividiram a minha visao... eu divido a sua e vc divide a minha... e sou grata, mto grata por ter vc como minha mae... minha amiga, minha aliada, minha forca vital!

te amo!!!
thamara giampaolo

ps**** vou sair com a espanhola aki por perto, mas nao sei que horas eu volto... em todo caso te procuro online....

se nao pode me ligar amanha a hora que vc acordar e agente se fala.... te amo mto!!!!!

***MILLIONAIRE MIND- PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SAY: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE..... MY ANWEAR: THEY ALREADY DO THAT, (i always knew this in a small scale)MY CONVERSATION WITH ANDRE PROVED TODAY THAT YESSSSS THEY ALREADY DO THAT...HES ASKING WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DURING THE WHOLE CONVERSATION... AND IM TRYING TO SAY I AM ME, OBVIOUSLY HE CANT SEE ME, HE CANT HEAR ME.. AND IM TRYING IN VAIN TO SAY WHO I AM-I DONT NEED TO I DONT WANTPROVE TO ANYONE BUT ME!!!!!!, I AM ME I KNOW WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF!!!!!!

BECAUSE HE IS NOT WILLING TO SEE ME... HE SAID A BUNCH OF TIMES I I SHOULD NOT BE/ ACT / SAY/ COMPARE... AND IM SAYING WHY NOPT>??????????? WHY SHOULD I MAKE PEOPLE COMFORTABLE, IF NO ONE EVER MADE ME COMFORTABLE????? WHY SHOULD I GO OUT OF MY WAY AND MAKE SOMEONE "HAPPY" WITH ME, IF NO ONE EVER WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME HAPPY WITH THEM??????? I KNOW WHY... BECAUSE I AM VERY HAPPY FOR U WHO EVER U ARE AS LONG AS U DONT SATND IN MY WAY! AND OBVIOUSLY, I STAND ON A LOT OF PEOPLES WAY, BUT THIS TO ME IS NOT AN OBSTACLE... WITH MY BIG PLAN, AND GALLEY SHOWING, AND MONEY MAKING, AND EVENTS, AND THINGS THAT I CAN DREAM OF I KNOW I WILL PRODUCE THEM... ITS ALL A MATTER OF TIME... BUT "PEOPLE" DONT WANT TO SEE YOU PRODUCE.. THEY KEEP THEIR DREAMS QUIET- AS ANDRE... THEY DONT TELL ANYONE WHAT THEIR DREAMS ARE FOR A REASON.... THEY KEEP IT TO THEMSELFS.. SO IF THEY FAIL.. THEY WONT HAVE TO FACE UP.... ITS EASY TO HAVE DREAMS LIKE THIS... SO I TELL THE WORLD MY FORTUNE IS COMING TO ME! I AM MONEY!!! I AM LOVE..... I AMMMMMMMM.... I AM ANYTHING I WNAT AND NOBODYS FELLING THAT I SHOULD NOT BE IS NOT ALLOWED... BECAUSE THIS IS MY LIFE... I AM...........

NUMBtertainment- YOUTUBE for hourssssssss

2007-06-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

this guy is reaaaaly good... orinal music, great lyrics, excelnet guitar palying....

and how could i not include her?????

**everyone got down on Larry for this, but hes IS the KING of pop, he was the only one who actually could pull this off...

younger woman- older men/ older women younger man

2007-06-29T04:05:00.001-07:00

david hasselhoff

2007-06-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

bored and having wireless access makes it even harder to fall asleep, so i decided to indulge myself a bit with celebrity gossip. how unfortunate for me, i came upon the david husselfoff situation, and that jst brought out rivers of emotions. the saddest part is to see the comments on the youtube page... everyone thinks its funny, and they are calling his daughter all sorts of names... can no one see how horrible this is?? what she must be going through? to actually film this, and if she did post it, can anyone imagine how hard it must be for her????

speaking form experience, when i was 16 i had the very same conversation with my father. it must have been the hardest thing i ever had to do. i bet if technology was as it is today, i would have taped him too! this conversation is still here in my head! 15 years later!!! having a parent who struglles with alcohol/drugs is not and easy thing! sure they are the life of the party when there is a group, bt that [in the video] is what WE, the family are left with once everyone goes home, laughing at "how funny it was he missed the chair" or "oh my god!!! i couldnt understand one word he was saying... hahahaha", so it might look like its ok for someone to get "THIS" drunk, but ITS NOT!!!!! not when u have a family, not when you have KIDS... especially not OK to let your CHILD see u like this, even worse to have her TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!

of course, everyone gets drunk at one point or another in ur life, bt "getting drunk" is something u do when u are young and stupid, and you dont know ur limits!!!! if you must drink to oblivion, then do it away from ur kids....

when i was younger i had nights that i had to pick my drunken father up from the street, take him in the house, my mom and i would have to bathe him to get the vomit and the stinch out, we had to endure screaming and yelling, and pray that hed fall asleep soon... so we could get some rest... the next day hed wake up, and from what im guessing hed have a faint memory of the pain he caused, so hed go for weeks being nice, until one day day a couple of weeks later- hed do it all again... as if he never learned anything. and he still does!!!

my parents split up when i was 16, my life went from water to wine, my mother has always taught me to love and respect him, for myself, and for the father he is. and she let me make up my mind about what i thought of him. she never bad mouthed him to me... of course when we talk about it, we say how horrible it was. bt we made a choice not to let that rule our lifes... we changed... we moved on... he hasnt!

im 30, my father still calls me up at 4am, drunk and high... and he says: "hey babyyyyyyy... im drunk and im hiiiiiiigh", i know its him, when my phne rings in the middle of the night... and all i can do is chat with him... until he doenst want to hear what i say and hangs up... i am My own adult now... but my heart still crumbles when i hear that tone of his voice.

its with great sadness and my deepest apologies to the daughters and the family, that i post husselhoffs video... all i can hope is that they will learn from this and not follow the same pattern as their father.

alcohol is a very dangerous thing for families!