Last Immigration Entry

** This post is a reproduction from Gothamgal her link is at the top of the post, without her efforts my returning to the USA would not have happened so fast. Thank You Gotham Gal



Immigration

Images Immigration is one of those topics that create a lot of conversation. I believe that we are a country of immigrants and we should continue to open our doors to other people who want to come to the US and participate by being working educated citizens. Not always so easily done.

In Australia, if you want to become a citizen, you have to have a degree and then work. After 3 (or 4) years, if you become a working member of society, you get to become an Australian citizen. It is helping the Australian economy grow and because of this law, many Asians have moved there for work.

In this country, we have treated many of our immigrants not with open arms but quite the opposite. We are forcing them to leave this country instead of letting them fill jobs that I am not sure many Americans would want. But what is worse is that we have been deporting 18 year olds who have lived in the US their entire life, who grew up here, who's parents have become US citizens or have green cards and are sending them back to where they came from. Why they don't have the paperwork is probably because the system is really hard to navigate and most of them are not educated enough to figure it out. But, where these kids come is the US.

Any kid under 18 regardless of being at US citizen will and must be educated while they are here, it is the law. For instance, in Denver, 60% of the kids in some of the public schools English is not their first language. I don't know if they are legal of illegal but they are being educated. Once they hit the age of being able to go to college, they can't go because they do not have a VISA or green card. Instead, we deport them. Did anyone think that perhaps these young "Americans" might be good hard working citizens that have been educated in our public school system and can make an impact on our economy?

There is a woman who works for us. She is wonderful. She has been part of our family for almost 10 years. Yes, we pay her taxes. She came to the US illegally with her daughter in tow 25 or so years ago. She started out in Chicago and eventually ended up in NYC. She worked hard. A total jack of all trades. She came here to make a better life for her only daughter. She is from Brazil.

When it was time to go to college, the only place she could afford to send her daughter was to the top University in Brazil. Perhaps not well thought out but once her daughter got to Brazil to go to school, she couldn't return because she wasn't an American citizen. She got on a plane to come home for Thanksgiving ( an American holiday ) and was turned away at the gate. Her mother, who has been happily married to a US citizen for over 10 years, can't have her daughter visit her. Although her husband tried to adopt her daughter years ago, the wonderful state of Florida lost all their paperwork for 2 years and by the time they found it, she was too old to be adopted.

Now comes the long tedious process of attempting to get her daughter back to the US. Seven years have passed. It should have taken 10 but I was aggressive about pursuing this through the NY State Department. Her first interview, in Sao Paulo, was done by a person who works for the US Immigration Department who proceeded to harass her in the interview. I won't go into details but it was disgsting. Regardless, she eventually went to the next level which takes a few more years. The process is tedious and frustrating. More important, nobody cares.

Yesterday, was the finale, and her VISA has been approved. She will be here in 10 days. What resonated with me more than anything else was when she called me to thank me for all my help, the first thing she said was "I'm coming home". Home because the US is her home. The US is home to the thousands of kids we deport for not having the proper paperwork. Why don't we help them become happy engaging citizens instead of sticking them on a plane back to a place where they no one and don't even understand the culture.

In cases like this, I believe nice guys finish last. I am always amazed at the people who figure out how to work through the system, particularly the immigration system, who get here and are not good citizens. Our policies must change. We should be helping all kids of immigrants figure out how to stay, be educated and love this country. We should be opening our doors to any educated person who wants to come here and start their business. We should be opening our doors to people that have the skill set to work in our companies and make them better. Our world is flat and until we participate with that in mind, our economy is never going to be as robust as it should be.


*** My Reply:

The Girl From Brazil....
I have said this in many email exchanges, and it just doesn't seem enough... THANK YOU! Gothamgal has been an amazing and inspiring force to both my mother and I during these last 8 years with my immigration, and now I can finally say I'M COMING HOME!!!! After 9 Christmas's and New Years, after 8 Thanksgivings, 8 bitrhdays. After having gone to graduation without any family member there to support me or take pictures of me walking the plank with the empty tube in my hand... no one to hug me and tell me congratulations... after many nights wondering how much longer would I have to stay away from my family. After having suffered and agonized while my mom went through a very difficult brain surgery so she could hear again. I can go HOME!!! i can pay my taxes and work a decent job, and I will be able to soon vote for a president in a country I believe it to be my own.

Gothamgal, I will be forever in debit with you for all you have done!

Thank you.
T


Gotham Gal YOU were my voice and you became my FREEDOM! You screamed as loud you could, you kicked as far and as high as you could, raised hell for me to be in heaven again!

Gotham Gal you can count on me anytime!!! We cannot express how grateful for you never letting go! You didn't rest until you could reunite us. Thank you!

The last entry

What do you really, really really want today?

It’s been almost one year since I last reviewed my needs and wants.
Lots have happened since.

I returned from my yearlong journey in London with a broken heart and a broken spirit. I went to find myself professionally, hoping this would somehow infuse my emotional state, I came back in a thousand little pieces, and was then forced to put my puzzle together without a friend, love, money, car… or any other mundane tool. All I had was me- in pieces, but it was still me.

I tried going back to school, but somehow I was so hungry for knowledge, the school didn’t satisfy me enough. I started to pick up the little pieces and organize them neatly into piles. I figured I needed to assess the damage before I could do anything. I dreaded coming back to my home, I hang around my friend’s store, sleeping on a mattress on the floor for a week before finally gathering my courage and suitcases back here.

The instant I walked in I felt it… wanting to agree or not, I was home. This is actually a very new feeling, something I had never experienced before. Having left HOME when I was 13 to move to the USA, then leaving HOME again, to go to Brazil, and then leaving that home again to find a new HOME in London… I actually had not had a HOME in more than 25 years. My pictures, my books, my furniture… mine, my family’s house, where my father grew up, where my first days as a newborn baby was spent, the staircase with the 1970's blue tiles and wood that I walked my first steps as human being. The dining room where my mother and grandmother spent many afternoons smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and chatting the day away. The kitchen where my grandmother prepared my birthday parties, the pantry where she would hide chocolate in very low places so I could find. The bedroom with the closets my grandfather built that would hold presents for me for all occasions. This was HOME.

I started by putting the place in order, throwing away old broken things, cleaning like a mad woman. Little did I know I was cleaning metaphorically.
During my long days of cleaning my mind and heart were mending and organizing themselves so I could soon reach in and build myself up again. Having been hit with a bit of depression, I became restless, I would spend two or three days without sleeping, just tossing and turning in my bed, so one day I decided it was time to see the mess in my mind.

I started a blog, having never been good at writing a diary, I thought this would help me emotionally to air things out. As any novice want- to- be writer I started at the beginning, trying to figure out from the bottom what was happening to me. I research political information about the 70’s and 80’s to try to explain why my family had decided to “up and away to the US of A”, I blamed our dictatorship of past decades and dollar oscillations in the 80’s. I looked for every reason except the real one.
The only truth to any of this is that you can’t start at the begging, the truth is the begging is so far down you cant get to it unless you deal with the stuff on top first!

It’s like trying to read that one phrase, from that one book at the bottom of a cardboard box, filled with other books and papers on top. The only way you will reach that book is if you can take out all the rest of the stuff from the top first. Now, there are two ways you can do this… If you choose to, you can just simply flip the box upside down and dump all the stuff on the floor, and then try amidst that mess find the “one” book you are looking for. Having to then, organize all the rest later or just leave it there until you need something else again. Or the more tedious, time consuming, mind boggling thing to do is to slowly unpack the box, organize the books you are already removing, replacing them o shelves until you finally reach the “one” book.

This was one enormous task! I have always been hyperactive, and my focus orientation is to always be focused on “something else”, so you can imagine the effort I had to put in to myself to get the task done.

I started by revising my year in London, the friendships I made, the troubles I got into. The ideal love I lost, that brought me to my least favorite relationship, before I left Brazil, therefore bringing me to my five year relationship before I left the USA, and I realized, I’d been doing it all wrong! Even though I always said before loving you must love yourself, no one can give you what they don’t have, blah, blah, blah…I had fallen into that trap of waiting fro someone to fix me, pick me up, and glue me together, save me from myself, make me better, I had been waiting for someone to find that odd little coal and polish it in a perfect diamond.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I spent a lot of time on my own, and that was very, very new. I am the one that never turns down a party, a chat on the phone, a movie or dinner. Party girl, always up for anything, but I guess in a sense I was already in a party… melancholic to say the least, but a party nonetheless.

I reviewed blames I sat aside for my father, and confronted the demons of childhood. I decided that I had to be responsible for my action, and I could no longer blame him for his shortcomings. I had to know what they were, and make sure I understood that from a certain time in my life he was not responsible, because there were no “victims”. I had to accept that event when I chose not to make I choice I was still making a choice of not choosing; there fore I was the only one responsible. I started eating books, drinking the nectar of knowledge, everything and anything, from lovely fairy tales, to Balzac’s interpretation of a woman, put forth in such a beautiful way in a moment very valuable for me as I was just turning 30 myself. I read self-help books, and magazines; I watched soap operas and analyzed myself. I clichéd myself to death, and began to see my life unfolding right before my minds eye.

It turns out Balzac was right. A woman of 30, is old. She is not willing to let anything or anyone come between her and herself any longer, she is not malleable, she is only flexible to herself, and only when she chooses to be.
This is the woman I became. I learned myself, I became me, together with myself I can now act as one. My mind is where it needs to be, and I am happy.

So what do I really, really, really want?
Never to loose myself again!





* I dedicate this to my eternal Balzac's Woman- my wondermoman! My hero, Mom

on sabbatical..

i might just not be ready to leave mine, just yet.... maybe i need a few more months away from people and their poison... or maybe ive been away for too long and forgot this is how the world really is?

dont be too quick to judge urself...
remember other people have hang ups too, so it might just be as much as their fault as it is urs

never...

trust someone who doent like animals

always...

doubt a woman that has more than 1 cat

nights drinking, having meaningless conversations with faceless people. only to wake up the next day and nor rembrr anything that was said, only remembering things I'd like to forget.

... on relationships

reproduced**

Married…and living under separate roofs!
We’ve been married for 15 years, but we’d never still be together if we lived under one roof. My husband and I are very Oscar and Felix. I’m a slob, and he’s incredibly neat and anal. In addition, our tastes are very different. His place has a gloomy, scary Norman Bates thing going on; my place is very light, airy, don’t-worry-be-happy-ish. And then there’s also the matter of lifestyle. He is extremely noise-sensitive. My husband is a former opera singer and lives in what was once a music studio. So, his digs are soundproof. He sleeps well there but cannot sleep at my place. So we never moved in together. We do have two noisy six-year-old twin sons. It may seem odd, but we see each other every single day—he tucks the boys in at night, and we have the occasional sleepover for the obvious reasons. My belief is this: Marriage is hard enough, even if you do have the same taste in slipcovers. But when you have different tastes, why compromise it if you don’t have to? The common thing between us is love, and isn’t that the most important thing?
-Judith Newman, 40, New York City, author of You Make Me Feel Like An Unnatural Woman

its been a while.. im kind of rusty.. bt lets go

today i begged
i begged for money,'brazil is a place that is cash only...
cash back doenst exist

i have money.. not a lot but enough to get me home... however i should have made it to the bank since ileft my wallet at home...

my bus card was empty
i got on a bus and they wouldnt let me keep going, cause i couldnt pay for it.. so i got off somewhere around paulista... went into a bar, and asked if i bought something they could give me cash back... the cashier said.. im not allowed, so i asked for the manager... i can understand she cant make that decision.. the guy is satnding right there... so i turn to him and he says.. if she says no, its no... and then i tryied to the best of my abilities to explain what "cash- back |" was.. to no use obvsiously..

unfortunately today woirkers became robots... i really cant wait for it to actually be metal things that we deal with, because when u speak with a person, a real live person it seems like someone s brainwashed, inpout some reaaly difficult programming in it that u cant get crack...

c'mon how hard is it to charge $5 and give me change???? in london this is done in a supermarket!!!!!

its not like u r robbing anyone the money is already there its going to be an easy surplus added with a comment at the end of the night!

but no, i couldnt get money...

so i walked up to a guy Bira, with a crosspassing vest, and asked him for money, so i could get home..

today i begged for bus money

3.1 in les than 30

So it seems like ill be 3.1 in less than 30 days, and I haven't done much writing lately... all I can say is that this year went by super duper fast!

Lots of information was dealt with in my head, i did get a grasp of myself this past year, found out where I stand with myself, and who I am... all I can say is that the only difference I've noticed was the flabby things on my back, and somehow I managed to hurt myself vacuuming the house! Otherwise know as the age approaching!

I'm still messy and very loud, and loving it. I'm still annoying and know it all, and yes... still loving it! All in all I'm still the me i knew, with a little more information for the me I'm becoming... but I no longer rush to get to the becoming, because I can only get there if I fully appreciate all the steps along the way.

I can truthfully say i am becoming a little more patient than what I used to be, and I kind of like it...

72/366

* from here on in all pictures taken with Nikon D80

65/366

it goes as they say it will, as fast as everyone promises
smooth as the day into night

hard as a slap in the face

small as a human to a universe

as fast as i can say i love you

time.

another failure attempt to get closer to usa waters, bt it was no use... so now my job as a photographer aboard is on hold until my immigration is here too...

i just want to go home.....

i used to always tell the truth. i thought that when someone asked me a question was because they wanted to know the truth...

over the years i realized the truth is not always the right answer. it can get u in much more trouble than a lie can. the truth can be used against u at any time, even the miranda rights will tell you that... its not always the best policy to tell everyting you know. im learning that.

im not saying that i approve of lying bt sometimes inly a part of the truth needs to be told in order for safety to prevail...

namesake

... i know i live in my own world...

But its ok... they know me here!!!!!

another sunday grey
summer seems so far away

i sit in bed trying to wait for the day to go by
it seems im stuck at strike of the clock...

dogs bark
birds chirp
i hear the bus on the avenue bellow

bt im still stuck on sunday

Homenagem à São Paulo

de Lula Queiroga/ Recife

Lula Queiroga, Recife - PE

lula@lulaqueiroga.com.br
cabem dez novaiorques no teu terreno
e vinte paris
cabem mais nordestinos
do que nordestinos tem no país
são paulo quatrocentão
são paulo quatro centímetros de jardins
custa mais que uma casa em catende ou surubim
aqui todo mundo é menor
do que tua malha viária
na ralação diária
seu grande exército na batalha produtiva
seu complexo de locomotiva
eu amo uma cidade assim, feia e bonita
matuta e cosmopolita
soçaite e aflita
que come, engasga e depois vomita
poesia repleta de fúria calada
são paulo
sitiada na periferia
situada no cérebro esquerdo da nação
vou doar a você meu coração
também meus olhos
continuarão te achando bela
depois que eu morrer

Happy Birthday São Paulo!!!

** Reprodução



Desejo a cidade de Sao Paulo, nesse seu 454o aniversário, que ela tenha paulistanos dispostos a ter um pouco mais de cidadania. Nao só ter, mas colocar em prática. Que aqueles que sao motorizados nao fechem mais os cruzamentos, nao cruzem os sinais vermelhos, nem tampouco parem seus carros em cima das faixas de pedestre. A blindagem, ou até mesmo o simples insulfilm que todos nós usamos, por questoes de segurança, parece nos transformar em guerreiros brutais, protegidos por armaduras, defendendo cada pedaço de asfalto que julgamos nos pertencer. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo que aqueles que emplacam seus carros 0km fora da cidade, passem a emplacá-los na própria capital, como é o correto. Assim, veríamos menos Ecosport e Ford Focus, com placas de Camaçari ou Salvador. Menos Fiat Stilo e Palio Adventure com placas de Betim e Belo Horizonte. Menos Toyota Corolla com placa de Santana de Parnaíba. É impressionante como a frota de carros dessa pequena e vizinha cidade é enorme. Alguém está ganhando dinheiro com isso. Mas a nossa cidade perde. Nós cidadaos, também. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo que os paulistanos, sempre cheios de pressa, buzinem menos no trânsito. Buzina nao abre caminho. Só irrita o próximo, gera atrito, discussoes, brigas e até mesmo mortes. Além disso, o ato de buzinar expoe a todos nossas maiores frustraçoes e fragilidades. Quem estiver com problemas pessoais que vá se cuidar. Descontar nos outros nao ajuda em nada. Muito pelo contrário. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo ainda que as madames que moram nos bairros de classe media alta da cidade, ao passear com seus caezinhos de estimaçao, levem consigo uma simples sacolinha de supermercado, e nela coloquem as fezes de seu fiel companheiro. É incrivel como as calçadas dos bairros nobres da cidade estao repletas de dejetos de animais. E sao muito mais sujas do que as da periferia, onde as pessoas tem menos condiçoes, escolaridade e perspectivas. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Desejo que os paulistanos ávidos por diversao, e essa cidade é mesmo um ótimo lugar para se divertir, respeitem filas, horários, leis de silêncio, vagas para deficientes. Desejo que todos possam conviver pacificamente nos poucos e disputados parques da cidade. Que quem caminha, respeite quem pedala. Que respeite quem patina. Que respeite quem corre. Que respeite quem apenas passeia com a família. Que respeite a quem quer que seja. Respeito é fundamental. 24/01 Luiz Marcelo Diniz

Sao Paulo foi fundada em um colégio. Portanto, o mínimo que poderíamos fazer é mostrar um pouco de educaçao. Mostrar que somos capazes de aprender alguma coisa. Com a cidade e com as pessoas que nela vivem. É uma simples questao de educaçao, de boa convivência e, as vezes, até mesmo de sobrevivência. Sao Paulo pode ser uma cidade muito melhor de se viver. Só depende de nós mesmos. Feliz aniversário, Sao Paulo.

**reproduced from the village voice jan 2008

The Slow Blackout of Amy Winehouse
How a troubled r&b mega-talent's breakout hit turned against her
by Amy Linden
DISCUSSED
Amy Winehouse ("Rehab," #1 single)
Back to Black (#4 album)

I first saw Amy Winehouse live in January 2007, at Joe's Pub in the East Village: her American debut. By the end of the gig, everyone knew that Amy, all 85 or so pounds of her, had smacked r&b back to life. In four-inch pumps. The intimate club was filled with unabashed love, and she knew it. But between her flashes of genuine happiness, Amy was distracted and disengaged. She constantly fiddled with her weave and tugged her cocktail frock; outside of acknowledging Mos Def (her friend) and Mark Ronson (her producer), she rarely made eye contact with the crowd. Maybe it was just nerves. And yes, she was drinking, but no more than anyone else there. She sounded great, but acted like she didn't believe it. It made me fear that Amy had the talent to be a star, but might not have the strength.

My personal Amy fixation had kicked off two years earlier with Frank, originally an import-only debut (released domestically this past fall) with a smiling, curvy, weave-less Amy on the cover. Much like Back to Black sans the throwback sonics, the record articulated a wise-beyond-her-years wisdom with smoky jazz phrasings and hip-hop/r&b shadings. (Think Lauryn Hill without the preachiness.) My love only increased with Ghostface Killah's 2006 remix of her salty "You Know I'm No Good." But of course it was Back to Black—a chart-topper in the U.K. and very nearly a poll-topper here—that sealed the deal for everyone with its odes to getting fucked over and up.

Now Amy's a star: six Grammy nods, multi-platinum status for Black, and Pazz & Jop accolades at both album and especially single, where "Rehab"—bolstered by votes from last year (the record hit the U.K. in October '06)—pushed her ahead of the seemingly unstoppable Rihanna. Yet these days Amy's looking less like a soul savior and more like a lost soul, tsked-tsked by the View ladies, mocked on late-night talk shows, and lumped in with Britney Spears, another troubled (if lower-on-the-totem-pole) pop star whose music has been eclipsed by the train wreck.

You could see it coming. Even when her fan base was limited to Anglophiles, industry types, cool musicians, and folks who still can't understand why Craig David never became Justin Timberlake, you heard the dish: cancelled gigs, puking onstage, dramatic weight loss, punching out a fan (Amy's rationale? "The bitch was rude"), and drinking. Lots of drinking. (But come on! Girlfriend's English! Isn't that what they do?) Of course, after she went from cult artifact to Letterman guest, it only got worse. The blood. The bruises. The cancelled tours. The drive-thru rehab (no smirks). The staggering around her neighborhood in the dead of night in a push-up bra. Those goddamn pink ballerina flats. Her scumbag freeloading husband hauled off to jail. (Oh. That's good!) The next Ronnie Spector slowly, grotesquely transformed into the next Nancy Spungen.

In March, a few days after Back to Black entered the U.S. charts at #7—the highest-ever Brit female debut, and #6 after Spin and Rolling Stone both put her on the cover the same week—Amy played the first of two shows (the second cancelled due to "exhaustion") at the Roxy in L.A. The club, the crowd, and the celebs (e.g., Bruce Willis and Courtney Love, probably there to pass the Hot Mess torch) were all bigger than they'd been at Joe's Pub a few months before. But the audience was similarly blown away, though a noticeable number of people paid as much attention to Amy as she paid to them (i.e., none) until "Rehab," when the vibe suddenly shifted from "concert" to "kegger."

Watching anyone implode isn't pretty, especially an anorexic, drunken, codependent, beehive-rocking mega-talent. But what's almost as sad is that her anthem, the song that made her a star, is now Amy's albatross. Grammys be damned, "Rehab" is now a cheap tabloid joke, wildly misconstrued by critics and fans alike. In some ways, it's unavoidable: The song is about her former manager's futile efforts to get Amy sober, and it certainly didn't help that it exploded just as Hollywood made rehab the new yoga. Even so, it's hard to figure out how "I don't ever want to drink again/I just need a friend" or other Black lyrics like "I stay up/Clean the house/At least I'm not drinking" now inspire concertgoers to order another round of lemon drops.

In May, I saw Amy again at a sold-out show at the Highline Ballroom in NYC's meatpacking district. It was the first time I saw the personal affect the professional: Midway through the set, Amy was so smashed that she started missing cues and drifting off-pitch. She eventually fled the stage, confused and defeated, a meltdown greeted by a smattering of boos, though others just laughed and egged Amy on to drink more. I vacillated between fury and depression. It reminded me of Replacements or Johnny Thunders shows, where the more wasted the band got, the more the crowd ate it up, hoisting plastic cups like they were actually drinking together. Like they were bros, dude. Throw your hands in the air, 80-proof stylee. But when Amy shows us that "Rehab" is no party song, people get mad that her pain is messing with their night out.

A few hours before that L.A. show, I interviewed Amy in the lobby of West Hollywood's fabled Château Marmont, best known as the spot where John Belushi died. Her beehive and the omnipresent eyeliner looked slept-in. She was sweet and friendly, smiled broadly, and had downed two amaretto sours by 3 p.m. It didn't do much to put her at ease. She occasionally stuttered and rarely met my eyes. Girl didn't have stage fright—she had life fright. "I'm not too good about talking about myself," she admitted. She was only fully engaged when talking about music, especially jazz.

Toward the end of our conversation, she mentioned that she'd just broken up with a boyfriend. "I'm sorry," I said. "He got out of it easy," Amy muttered. "Trust me." She knew she was no good. I wanted to hug her. At Joe's Pub, I'd seen the future of r&b. Now I just hope Amy has a future, too.

the world we live in

BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

BANG!!!

as u r jst about to fall into dreamland... BANG..... u think no it cant be... BANG...no... i think it is.... clank, clank.... trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


and u look outside ur windown.. in a grey sunday dawn... 6.30 am there are construction workers making all the clanks and bangs they can....

u think to ur self...maybe the hammer jst got away from their hands... maybe they HAD to make that noise....

then, u write it off of ur brain, and right when everything is calm again...
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


so we have 2 choices.. maek believe that doesnt affect u, go back to sleep... and let the noise fade in... OR one could take a stand and say ITS SUNDAY!!! 6.30 in the goddam fucking MORNING!!!!!- the sun hasnt even come up yet!!!! WHAT THE FUCK R U THINKING!!!!!!?????

so i stick my head out the window only to confirm what my dreamstate told me ... yes there is renovation going on... on the other side of the streets... i try to level... "hey.. guys.... its 6.30am... could do all that noise after 9???"
to which i get
"allS WE is doing is working!!!"

BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

time goes by, patience... expiring... i stick my head out the window again.. toask them to pLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEE stop... and i get a very rude gesture, followed by another one where one of the guys imitates a snake... then i tell them im calling the cops....
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
BANG!!!!

BANG!!!!

clank, clank, clank...
trrrrrrrrrrrrr
trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


i get the police bt they tell me i gotta call the county, the county cant help i call the police back and finally get a car over... its now 9am

the police arrive

NOTHING is done....

bt i got ur number mr jobson carlos lopes oliveira RG: 333507375x

try me....

New Bush Joke

President Bush was in a meeting with his top advisors when his chief of staff came and whispered in his ear.... The COS, Josh Bolton had said to Bush, "Sir, there were to Brazilians shot in the war today" President Bush had a look of confusion on his face???? He asked, "Just exactly how many is a brazilian"

urban sounds

it used to be that the animals, sun and the wind served as clocks... a long time ago, a time i didn't live. bt from what we see in the movies or read in old books, people used to tell time on a farm by the position of the sun- lunch time or supper...

the cock would ring out his bells as soon as the sun came up and that meant the beginning of the day.high noon very hot sun, that is when they'd go inside for lunch and a break from the sun.

many years away from the peaceful awakening the farmers used to have, i can now tell time by the urban sounds uttered outside my window... 5.30 am a motorcycle hums loudly outside and a faint whistle annoyingly pierce the quiet barrier. soon after u can hear the buses a block away, when the steal dark night ruled there were no motors but now, after the whistle there is one every 10 minutes and in less than 40 minutes it will be rush hour so there will be 10 buses to a minute. mid day/ high noon and the cars outside the school play loud rap/ brazilian funk to tell me that is time for lunch, and at supper time there is no supper, however there is a 120 km traffic backing up the highways, as the sun goes down the horns go higher, almost as if everyone is just plain yelling in the congested bumper to bumper traffic i hear 2 blocks away on the big avenue.

by 10 pm the traffic cools off and buses die down, you can hear hurried footsteps and the last noise before bed is usually the garbage truck with the clunks and clinks cleaning out our busy day.

call me old fashioned, bt id give jst about anything to get back the cock-a-doodle-dos of an early morning!!!!!

USA Presidential Run

showing emotion my ass!!!! hillary and her tears... hahaha great marketing move get the 14 undecided female subjects to share a moment

out of all the things i lost i definitely miss my mind the most...

Pirates of the new millenium!

i remember about 10 years ago when NAPSTER first came out, the hype it caused and everyone wanting IN on this new thing, that you were able to get music from anyone you wanted, rare recordings no longer available in stores, all with a click of the mouse... then came the news of how if downloaded anything infringing the copyright laws of the USA you would be on the "black list" and get called in for questioning and possibly even go to jail. i remember thinking how cool this all was, that the internet was so new and already people were inventing ways of communication and exchange. everyone was in awe of how it all worked.

a few years past, all threats about jail and whatever else subsided, then came youtube, and trailing along the famous bitorrent, and P2P... i personally started using the P2P in 2005, looking for old movies i couldnt find anywhere, soon the curiosity took over and i started looking for new tittles and recent books i had read...

after moving back to brazil, i was stripped of all my favorite series, so i started looking them up, and thanks to EzTV i can always get my "amaericana" fix, i get dexters hot off the shelf, loose myself with the whole series downloads and preview a movie before i actually go into the theaters... in no way this limits me to only downloading... but once i ve seen it on my little lap screen, if the movie is good is then i have no problem shelling out the 20 bucks to see it in the big screens!

the opening tittles of "Steal This Film- Part 1 " says Hollywood lost 7.1 BILLION dollars to piracy!!!! 7.1 BILLION!!!!!!! just imagine what that money could have done!

however the industry is not worried about world hunger, education or heAlth.. they are only worried about their pockets, and new cars, or the biggest blood diamond for their wife and mistress... so i say: GODSPEED Pirate Bay!!!! Long Live the Pirates!!!!!

the internet existed long before "we the people" were allowed in it! when they gave us access they limited what we could reach, but now.... oh now........ we have brilliant minds at work liberating us from chains and cells, giving us freedom to the all great World Wide Web!

**WATCH:
STEAL THIS FILM
STEAL THIS FILM II

LOLcats

jst found a hillarious site with cat pics!

http://icanhascheezburger.com



moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures

trials and turbulations

... finaly over!

after 3 weeks of intense stress and preparation for a job interview... im through to the next phase!

embarkation as of february 20th after my visa! yey!!!! 7 seas here i come!

we all knew this day would come

** click on the title of this post for the original article on the NYT

it seems brazilians cannot escape their own nature of running when the going gets tough.

today the NYT had an article saying how brazil is expecting 1.1 milion illegal brazilians to return home because of new immigration laws. people who fled in the early 90s are returning to brazil with dreams of hope, the same hope they had when they left their home country for greener pastures. the only problem with this is that once uve been in usa, left brazil and never returned to visit visit u are at a great disadvantage, ur family is telling you that brazil is getting better, and that now u have a perfect english and u can find a job anywhere. besides if u r only going to clean toilets u might as well come back home.

what they dont understand is that home is something that no longer exists, for they have been away too long, and will not adapt as easily to the harsh brazilian truth...

yes brazilians have a more happy way of dealing with problems, lots of bbq's, beer and friends... but life here is not even as easy as ur toughest day in the usa.

to the people returning all i can wish is good luck, and when u look back, i hope u made the right choice.

as for me, 11 years of the usa, 5 years of brazil and i cant wait to get back HOME!!!

the waiting game....

couldnt sleep last nite, so i decided that id stay up and get to the consulate early in the morning to see all info on crew visas and my immigration... all fine and dandy except when i arrived at 7.30 am they told me i wouldnt be able to go in till 3pm... nice huh!

so ive jst been sitting here and waiting ever since... decided to make my way to my dentist since i was very close anyway... one nice way to kill time! hahaha can u see how desperate i am!

ive been back for one hour and there is one more hour to go... so i write, i think and i wait!

on to phase 2

monday nov 26

i received an email from the agency saying that im on to phase 2, training "life aboard" next week! yeyyyyyyyy

TESAOOOOOOOOO

all aboard!!!!!!!!

1st phase- OK

i have been wanting to get on board for a few years now. before i went off to london i my ex had a contact that had worked in a ship, bt since we broke up i lost the ocntact.. its all good though london was great!!! so when i came back i met up with an old childhood friend that had jst come back from his first contract as a youth entertainer on board, and as he spoke im sure my eyes glittered!

so i got home and got googleing, research paid off as i found a very good agency that works with 9 cruise companies. i applied and got a call back for the first part of the interviewing stages.

- psychology test
- spoken english
- written english

i slept over at jorge's place because it was closer to the bus station, however when i got to tiete i found out there was no buses to santos from there (even though on the web all tickets i found were from there)... anyway, i took the subway to jabaquara, and arrived in santos 20 minutes late...

once i arrived the girls at the office told me that there were no more bar tending vacancies, but i could choose waitress or maybe stewardess... since i was already there i was up for anything... besides ive been stuck in brazil for 9 mths and no job... so "hey ho, lets go!"

the psychology test was 2 drawings- 1 of a house and the second of a person... (???) then there was the listening test, a song from the calling played only once and we had to fill in the blanks... and finally the interview, we get taken in couples, the girl started with me asking me about waitressing, i told her i hadnt been a waitress in 14 years bt i guess u never loose ur touch.. she moved on to the girl that was with me, who was obviously very nervous, and her english was very, very basic... so not to make her more nervous than she was already the rest of the interview was done in portuguese...

the interviewer had a look at my CV and asked me if id be interested in the Photographer position, of course i said yes... it was funny because when i looked into the photographer position they asked for portfolios and cameras... bt she obviously thought i was good for it, and i was extremely happy to be considered for the position!!!

yesterday i got an email saying i had passed the interview!!!! now i will complete some courses and i should be on board begining of next year! cant wait!!!!!!

happy gobble gobble day!

* a note from mommy

Thamara, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I want to give Thanks to the Future!
Thanksgiving next year we'll be together to give Thanks to all the good things on our life!
I want to have a beautifull table decorate with something outrageously different like the one you made for us in Bay Harbor!
I want to have a Thanksgiving with our very particular food, the mixing of American and Brasilian traditional holiday food that you love so much!
I want to give thanks to the mother/daughter relationship we share 'cause I'm sure it is the dream of every mother in this planet!
I'll have so much to give Thanks next Thanksgiving!
Today let's give Thanks to all the experiences we had being apart all those years!
Let's give Thanks to the Path we have create while we were separate!
Thanks to the persons we became trough the life we made far away from each other!
Thanks to be able to be so far and still se so close
I love you!
Mummy

becoming an adult

- stability
- function in society
- play well with others (team work)

* to felippe

these were some of the things i really wanted when i was younger, i was desperate to know how to be an adult. the thought plagued my every minute, every time i went into an interview, every time i got a new job... every time i tried to be an "adult" by society's standards i got chucked away.

it took me a long time to figure out that none of that exists... none of it... everyone is fucked up in one way or another... there is no right way of being an adult... its not what u see on tv sitcoms, or how u see other people behaving... it just is.

we grow up with all sort of rules and regulations on what being an adult is, and that can really weigh in on u at times. being an adult does not mean holding a secure job, does not mean paying ur bills, does not mean going out for happy hour and does not mean getting married and having kids. being an adult JUST IS!

i was having a conversation with a friend who is a few years younger than i, who has jst gotten a "secure" job, and he was telling me how he "needed" stability, and how he wants to be an adult... at 20 something this is a really big deal... i know ive been there. bt as time goes on u end up realizing that the "adult" fairy- tale, is jst that. a fairy tale. although people may judge u because society has implied that an adult should be certain things... i am starting to think that being an adult has absolutely nothing to do with what we think it has.

i think being an adult mean owning up to who u r, accepting and acting the way u r, without being worried about what "they" will think, what "they" would do, how "they" would act. this simple thing its actually a lot harder to DO than it seems. we have family standards that we should comply to. we have society standards that we must abide by. however the ONLY important standards we SHOULD be worried about is OUR standard. we should only be who we are and nothing else. because people come and go, family will stick around a little longer, bt wanting it or not they will go away too- be it death or jst a matter of differences. friends, if u r lucky u will find some that will stick for a long time, bt nothing is a guarantee that they will be with u till u die... the only thing we have is US. unfortunately we will have to put up with ourselves for the rest of our days... so dont kid urself, u should be who u r, and u should want to be better for urself, because trust me... at the end of the line and u r old and gray, the only thing that will make u happy is if u had a good life...

living up to ur own standards can be much more demanding than having to follow some
made up rule society has implied!

which one are you?

The Builder
Chemical in charge: Serotonin (associated with sociability and feelings of calm)
Personality: Calm, managerial, conscientious, home-oriented but social
Best match: The Explorer
Worst match: The Director

The Negotiator
Chemical in charge: Estrogen (associated with intuition and creativity)
Personality: Imaginative, sympathetic, socially skilled, idealistic
Best match: Good with all types!
Worst match: None

The Explorer
Chemical in charge: dopamine (associated with curiosity and spontaneity)
Personality: Risk-taking, spontaneous, curious, adaptable
Best match: The Builder
Worst match: The Director

The Director
Chemical in charge: testosterone (associated with independence and rational thinking)
Personality: focused, inventive, daring, logical, direct
Best match: The Negotiator
Worst match: The Builder


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

according to an article i jst read on chemistry and dating thesea re the 4 types of chemistry we are attracted to. i believe i am "the explorer", however i could be wrong... what do u guys think????

*** lets all chit that that!!!!

PS* if u click the title on this post it will take u to the article!!!!

Slave work in Ecomotion Pro 2007

so ive jst picked up my ipod plug, and read: "Ipod USB Adapter. Designed by Apple in California. Assembled in Thailand"

my american brain cannot help but to go to "child slavery" $2 a day wage- bt being in brazil, made me go back to my last job, yes Ecomotion/... so here is what i got paid:

pre production-
oct/8 monday 14 hrs
oct/9 *tuesday 18 hrs (slept on the floor of the office)
oct/10 *wednesday 19 hrs
oct/11 thursday 16 hrs
oct/12 friday 20 hrs
oct/13 saturday 18 hrs
oct/14 sunday 15 hrs
oct/15 monday 18hrs

production
oct/16 tuesday 24 hrs (we for rio in a ride afetr working all day)
oct/17 wedsnesday 20 hrs (after arriving in rio lots of work all day long with dirty clothes, no shower, as our luggage was still in sp)
oct/19 thursday 18 hrs (still in dirty clothes)
oct/20 friday 15 hrs
oct/21 saturday 18 hrs (and here is where i find out Said Aiach renogotiated my wage, from US$ 20 dollars a day to $14 with no food, and no accomodation...

event
oct/22 sunday 16 hrs (driving in the atlantic forest)
oct/23 monday 18 hrs
oct/24 tuesday 18 hrs (finally arriving back in buzios and not having a place to sleep, i slept in an empty bed, then later i was charged $60 dollars for that night)

oct/25 thursday 16 hrs (slept in a car)
oct/26 friday 17 hrs (slept in tiago's bed, by the time he arrived the room i was passed out, so he had to find another bed- and i ... yes was charged another $60 dollars for it)
oct/27 saturday 18 hrs

so lets do the math: that is a total of 336 hours (in 3 weeks)
my paycheck: R$1000 (minus 240 for accommodation)= R$880
now if divide 760 by 336- we will get a waping $2.26 an hour!!!!

so here is where my head gets tangled... in china and thailand and whatever else place in the world that is a third world country, this is what their salary is... now why should i be happy that i got a job? if with all my diplomas and languages and baggage of information, i made .26 more than the regular slave rate?

people go on and on about slavery in asia, i would suggest to those poeple to come to brazil and see that its all "normal" procedure!

and im not the only one who had accommodation problems... perhaps im the only one who is saying this outloud... now what i cant get over is that mr. said aiach (owner of ECOMOTION/PRO trademark and event) got a LOT of money from his sponsors, meanwhile he didnt spend not even 1/10th of it, not on athlets- as he did not arrange security, boat provision, coast guard or any permissions whatsoever for the event... so where DID the money go????

not to mention the US$2500 per team (57 teams)!!!

if this was the states, im sure he could be facing some serious charges... bt then again its brazil, we make R$2.26 and we are as happy as we could be for getting a job, after waiting for 9mths!

still rio...

im still here... this place is amazing.. im so in love with rio!

last week i went to a sao paulo game at a bar in ipanema, beach, beach and more beach... tuesday i might go see my favorite musician, yamndu costa, here is also an exhibition from Marylin monroes pictures for vogue at the MAM that i am dying to see..

i also heard the place for the best sandwiches is called servante, might make my way there 2nite... all this depends on my check clearing as of now i have a total of 4 reais to my pocket!!!!

Support Crew for D-Run

ecomotion- the end

i had all these great ideas about what i was going to write and how i was going to trash the director online, and hopefully destroy him and versions to come of this event. halfway through i almost gave up, after realizing this guy has not gotten a clue of what he is doing, hes is a cheap, sleazy bastard who is only interested in one thing... money.

many things happened that i did not agree with, like we had no permission for any of the stuff we did, he put world athletes in danger by not having security on the water for them... among many other little and big things... by the time i reached buzios, my head was dizzy with stress and worries that were completely out of my hands.

as the days wore on, it became more apparent that the guy had no idea of what he was doing, becoming more obvious to me that i was completely lost and tangled in his web, because i ran around all day doing things, from 7 qm to 2 or 3 am... and sometimes up all night because the organizer would get his ideas in the middle of the night and have us his pawns "produce" it for him... felt like i had all these tasks to accomplish, however none of the actually resolved any of the situations that needed to be mended... it seem worse after the task was completed than if it hadnt been completed at all.

alas, for a whole 3 days i was away from the organizer and moved on to the atlatic forest with a photographer, and 2 cameras so we could shoot the teams throughout the event. this was an amazing time. all my worries bout the production and organization faded away once i was immersed in the adventure, rooting for my favorite teams, and watching them come and check in, eat change and take off on the bike or foot.
these guys are unnatural, they are superheroes... here i am complaining i had to sleep in the car because the organizer would not pay for hotels while we were out there, bt these guys were walking, running, biking under rain, shine snow... whatever, and yet, they come in to the check point with smiles, and a spark in their eyes, that i has lost many days before... all they could say was that the course was beautiful, and they were being challenged, they were happy- and for that I WAS HAPPY. until news came back on the radio that one of the top 5 teams had jst broken radio waves saying something was wrong on high seas... then all production worries washes over me... if this guy had gone with my contact to get permissions (sea permits, landing, rescue boats etc) we would worry...

bt he didnt and it took the organizer more than one hour to go the the fireman to ask for help, however there is a penalty for using radio, and if there is a search and rescue team sent out, the team that was rescued would looe its place in the race. the tide was high and there was 8 mt waves, no one had checked the sea levels before sending 2 top 5 teams in the water... and one hour in the sea is an eternity...

everyone on the edge, untill they finally show up in the horizon many hors later! it all worked well and Said, had managed once again to pull this off without any due harm to the athletes. i really wanted to trash him, and be mad at him... bt these athlets come in with great smiles on their face. amazed, happy, tired, full of emotions.. and not one thing bad to say about the track... i guess u really never do know unless u look in the eye of the storm.

all that hate and anger are still in me about the production, the carelessness... bt none of that mattes right now.

Pedro one of our check point managers and photographers suffered a head on collision yesterday on his way home. after spending 10 days in the atlantic jungle, with snakes, rain, mud, seaming "dangerous" he died instantly after a car hit him with all its might. the nature protected him so well , he became a part of its structure out in the wild, while in our everyday jungle he did not survive 2 hours after his immersion with LIFE.


we will miss you...

ecomotion

emocotion here we gooooooooooooooo!!!!!
its 4.28am and im going to bed, the time has finally come. the week was completely insane... we still dont have a lot of parts for the event, bt im ready for deus quiser.... tomorrow i have to get my cat into town, send the train carts to get graffiti(ed) and thousands of things that i might not be able to mention... jst yet

im really excited about this, i think it will be insane... my week has been pretty much the same, not sleeping- bt working, doing somethng i love... IM HOMEEEEEEE

off to bed i go, if we have internet i will most certainly be posting more thiiiings

good nite

ecomotion- production coordinator

emoction, emoaction what?????
yeap u got it, i jumped out of a moving airplane for a thrill and and forgot the shoot!

so almost end of week one... im not sure im actually allowed to speak of the behind the scenes but i must say this before i end up saying to a coworler an jeopardize my job.

so here is the thing brazil is all about indications for jobs, so of course i got this one as an indication, however i never imagined it could be like this.. im totally loving it, havent slept in 2 days, is all up in the air, i dont know if i even have a location for the start of the race, which will all depends on how rio de janeiro is being friendly that day in granting us permits for a beach closure in exactly 11 days.. however today is a holiday, so we are now looking at monday and will bring us to 7 or 6 before any news... i have no idea of the budget, or sponsors money, or anything else for that matter... i do know this my "big boss" has got to be a genious, because all of this information is in his head, u see all of us at the office walking around with always a pen in our hands and notes and notbooks, him however... NOTHING... maybe hell take the visual communication book here and tehre, bt everything else is all in his head... and i have a feeling he might have been an only sn, because he does not know how to share.

so basically i have spent the last 4 days talking to his government contatcts in rio, who were supposed to make it possible for the start of the race to come thru only, today when i called, and asked about the project, the man simply said... and this has got to be one my favorite phrases "well, its jst not my jurisdiction" basically from conversations i have picked up in the air this is how it happened:

-ECOMOTION is sort of like the amazing race, only its done in 4 days
-this year it will be 444km in rio de janeiro
-the fundraising for this one seems to have been done through politics
-they ask for favors and give nothing in return
-as of today we still dont have a start
-we do have an end- BUZIOS
-we have a tent for the party for 500 people bt no entertainment
-no restaurant for lunch (500) because the contact he gave me is a sponsor of a rival phone company that is sponsoring our race
-it looks to me my boss is a missunderstood graphic artist, everytime he goes by the computer witth the visual comunication part he never ever returns to meetings or answears any questions rto anythig else
it seems like i have free reign of things, and i look good doing it bt the thruth of the matter is that nothing has really been assigned... its sort of....
just happening....


it just happened..

taht sounds like a very lame excuse for anything ... especially an event of such magnitude....
but i guess... looking form the inside... it is... jst happening

www.ecomotion.com.br

and there is also a gossip which i cannot go into at the moment... bt it seems that a

the job hasnt even started, bt i have already begun to feel all the nervous energy involved in producing... its been all bottled up inside, jst call me ms speedy gonzales!

anyway, negao, the dog i found has been schedule to shoot a brazilian film called filme fobia, since 2 mths ago, and guess what? yeap its for next week, MONDAY to be exact... and of course, in that weak moment i have chosen to trust people, they always back out... that leaves me with a huge dilema, i must go into the production offeice get all the info i need to start the ball rolling and then, i gotta run across town and get to the shoot, i did ask my trustee friend if she could accompany the dog to the shoot and i would meet up with her, bt yeap... u guessed it... no she cant... jst as she couldnt when i finally got them into the tv show to be adopted and the same when i asked if i could borrow the car... bt ill do it... i always do, and as always ALONE.


bt its allllll good...

power

today i got my first job in brazil after 9 mths here... i could have given birth!!!
so my IQ (read indication quote) from a friend introduced me o a friend of his, who has a friend who has a production company, but in events... i went there and met the guy, he likes me but it turns out he cant pay me my cache, bt i am taking the job anyway, it beats sitting here and doing nothing...

its actually a very cool event, its sport marketing... sort of a triathlon thing, athletes from all over the world come to brazil to participate in a 10 day competition with kaiaking, mountain climbing... all sorts of things. ill be responsible for the good stuff.. paaaartyyyyyyy yey!

so im sure ill be very busy, good thing is that im going to buzios, i cant wait to see the beach!!!!

dorothy and her red shoes

my shoes wont take me home...
everyday that goes by is one less day i have with my family. one less hug, one less kiss, one less moment with the people i love, the people who ultimately are the only ones in the world that "gets" me.

i am so afraid of this interview that is not even scheduled yet. so afraid they;; deny me, as they have in the past. i am so american, and yet not enough and so brazilian and again not enough... im lost is what i am.

every year one less birthday, one less xmas, one less new years and one less thanksgiving... i am not thankful for all the pain im going through, i am not thankful for the pilgrimage into this forsaken country to which my passport belongs to. i am not thankful for being separated from my family. i am not thankful for the family i have in the country i should have belonged to because i am not them. science may prove the blood in our veins are the same, but there is not 1 mml of it the same. ive become too different... i dont belong to their clan anymore. and the clan that i belong to is rumaging in other pastures, and the electric fence keeps us apart.

almost going on 7 years without my pack. i left a little girl, my father has not seem me become a woman, my mother has not been there when i needed because the distance made it impossible. will we be able to make up for lost time? pick up where we left off? or will i end up loosing them as i lost my cousins and uncles? does the blue passport deserve all this?

they went to new horizons to offer me a better life, to give me more, to make me more, looking back all i can see is what i lost, what AMERICA took away from me. it took away my life, my breath, my heart.. and it left me here, excluded alone... separated from the only thing that should matter to a person... their family... so i ask... CAN I HAVE THEM BACK PLEASE? CAN I COME HOME?

i wouldve

i would have played my time as a pawn
i would have been great at it

i would have kissed asses and licked shoe steps
and have been really great at it

i would have dress the part
ate the part
farted the part

as i was asked to

i would have done many many things to get to where i wanted to be
if THEY wouldve let me

but unfortunetly (y cant i ever spell unfortunately???) this is the one word in the english dictionaru i cannot get a hold on!!!
anyway unfortunatly for them and very fortunately for me they didnt let me... and for that im great full...

is it thanksgiving yet?????

alvorada

so after the silly self loathing episode of last week, i have decided that the fate of my "father daughter" relationship is not going to be the king that i will wake one day when he is dead and mourn the time we didn't have.

so on Friday i told him id like to talk to him, and asked him to "be there" mentally for me... so no drinking, no girlfriend... and today Sunday he was. i have been through hell and back on my emotions, since i came to Brazil.
i have no car, no job, and no friends, no family. its been pretty much a "non time", where i am forced to revisit trunks, and boxes in my memory... because of that i am coming to terms with a lot of things in my life.

i realized that because of my past, i became very judgmental of the "male" figure, and for them i have no respect, hence all the failed relationships, where i go out and find a useless man, just so he can prove me right. that all man are shit. that is why i went on to the underwear diary years, which them became my celibacy vote year. everyone has they journey and their time to find out things, to get to know themselves. some will, some won't... some will choose to live in denial. i have not.

i realized that since my parents divorced, i excluded my father from life, so its obviously not fair to expect him to BE a dad, or be MY dad now. we will have to work on it, the both of us.

my father never graduated 8th grade, because my grandfather would not buy him a book he needed to school, and since then, he never gave my father anything else. when my parents got together and moved out, my grandfather presented my father with a bill, for all the cigarettes and whatever else he bought my dad. my parents payed this in full... so i guess to my dad, him helping me with money to this date (30 years after my birth) means he is a father, because he is giving me what he didn't have. but i want more. i want the TV commercial. my 16 year self wants to come home running with a huge dilemma that only he can help. i want to sit on his lap, and i want him to pet my head, kiss me on the forehead, and tell me everything will be ok, because he will fix it. i want him to fix it.... i want us to fix it.

so today, for 23 minutes i "vomited" all this information on him. and i told him i wanted. i told him i dint need him to apologize, because i love him and what is in the past will stay in the past, however we can work on the future, if he wants to. i also told him that if he is not ready, its ok, ill wait. but i don't want him to do it if he doesn't want to. i hope that today we opened a new door to our future. i hope he wants to be there with me, i don't mind if we take mini baby steps and i don't mind if we take big leaps, just as long as he is there with me!

Carrie Bradshaw moment

best wake up call... 

i have a friend who is a dj, we met about 6 years ago when i first arrived brazil... hes always good fun to go out with, and before i took off to london, long after he and my friend had no more relations and after she had had a baby (from another guy) i decided to take the plunge and swing to djs beats...  3 yrs ago.. it was great fun, and since i left, 2 days later, it didnt affect our friendship at all... we kept in touch on msn and i did contact him when i got back, and we always go out and dance all night and most times he ends up crashing at my place, but since that one time i have not beat the drums again... 

last week we went out to a prty where he played at, and stayed overnite at a hotel since the drive back was about 4 hrs, and it is always nice to go to sleep with something cuddly next to u.

this morning at about 8.30 am my phone rings and i am awaken with declarations of love... there is nothing better to a girls ego than having a man telling u that u r the most precious thing in the world, and how special and dear to him u r... me being an old player of the cat and mouse game... know this well... very well indeed...

i am now the object of desire... and how great it is to know how to play it...

ahhhhhhh if i would have only learned this a few years back i wouldnt have let my heart "THUMP" for those who didnt deserve...

so here is the bradshaw moment:

why is it that when u act/ or trully are uninterested they are interested?

and when is it that we women learn how to play this to our advantage... 

see my friend is at an explicit gain at the moment, since i decided to take my celibacy vote, and not have a relationship, "until im right in the head" which lets face it... might take a reeeeeeally long time... but none the less i will not be making use of this new found tool, just yet... with the exception of feeling up my ego... oh alll right... maybe ill jst get the target practice out of the way...... im sure this tool come with many glitches, so i might as well test it out before putting it into full functionality....

im off to class now...

ta-ta

one more

one more night
one more day
one more coffee
one more pack of smokes

bless me diary....

another piece hidden on the botton of the trunk- august 2006

bless me diary for i have not had intercourse in 15 days....

and counting....

went out last nite, as always i was THE only girl and my mates, nick (who
ive fucked- once) chris, liam and aaron. ive told them about my master plan,
and they failed to c a reason except for liam, who seemed to be very
supportive of me, right before he blew my mind by saying he was gay!... not
in those words but he mentioned relationship followed by a "him", i dont
mind... its jst that i did not see that one coming AT ALL, he has no
maneirisms, doenst look like one,doesnt dress like one...  there is no
special sparklle in the eyes... hes the macho gay... i think that is the
first of the spicies that i encounter...

all in all it was good fun.

wayne, who i met last week came by wrk today, he wants to take me out to
dinner... this whole i dont want to have sex anymore thing, came after a
conversation i had with him... well not exactly it was a brief conversation
with my mom, right before i went out with him- and so far i think ive made a
very good decision!

still at wrk so im going to go now!

jst found this in my email box...

i find it extremely amusing when people get fixated on cleansing space,
meditating and feng shui, and still manage to act like royal twats!

its almost as if they rely on those things to make their ligfe a little less
stressing but never actually take the step to make it so!

ive been covering reception at this really busy production company ( and
reception is defnetly not what i do) bt as a 3rd world country immigrant
that is what i need to do first.

the md of this company, is this wound up lady who is stressec out of her
wits... bt evryday shell walk in and do the whole incense burning ritual...
she does the sticks and the receptionis has to do the other ones... if its
her thing how come she doesnt do it al?????
its always the one person u r scared the most that most of the mishaps end
up happening. i jst took a call for her and the persons name completely
escaped my mind- and when i told her that she screamed at the top of her
lung at me. now i was putting the phone call thru anyway, so would it
reallyu be that bad if she had to ask the persons name again?

i hate power trippers... and strippers, everytime it feels like she
completely puts me down and i end up feeling like crap! now ive only been
here for 5 days! i couldnt possibly wrk here full time!

she had a strip on the floor painted red to even out teh space... she mst
surely believe in karma then, and if she does... does she not know its all
going to one day catch up to her?

anyway its all for now

REPRODUÇÃO

Dia Quase Qualquer
de Camila Moraes
** blog misterios da milaca

Quarta-feira, dia qualquer, e hoje vivi quase de tudo um pouco. Acordei como há que acordar e decidi comer fruta com aveia, o que QUASE nunca faço. Comi o mamão quase pela metade do prato, sem gosto que eram, a fruta e a aveia. Saí de casa pouco depois das nove, quase o horário que tinha programado. Bom. É incrível (ou crível) a quantidade de coisas que acontece – ou quase – e que acaba por fazer de uma quarta-feira qualquer um dia digno de livro ou novela (cinema pode ser menos espetaculoso).

Casa de Jorge Villa, centro. Cheguei à casa do Jorge, realizador audiovisual e crítico quase ferrenho da Colômbia e a chamada “colombianada”. Eram as 10 ou quase, conforme o combinado para a entrevista. Não fosse o forobodó em frente ao edifício, o plano teria se realizado. Não dei bola para o que me parecia “qualquer coisa”, como faço sempre. Primeira pergunta vai, a resposta quase vem, e resulta que aquela era a data de uma inspeção no prédio, quase para ser desocupado. Vizinhos entraram e saíram acompanhados da advogada e de uma que chorava soluçando horrores ou por aí. Um pouco mais de tempo e um pouco menos de drama, e consigo convencer o Jorge de que a culpa do cinema (ou quase) na Colômbia é da televisão. Saí quase satisfeita: convite para gravar em Cartagena. Bem bom.

Centro de Bogotá, e caminhei entre frustrada e animada com o lance do Jorge. Da projeção passei num átimo à real realidade. A consulta médico no “Profamília” não tinha horário, mas era como se quase. Andei correndo para evitar o meio-dia o horário livre do resto do mundo (ou praticamente isso). Consultório da Dr. Diana, e eu descubro que meu DIU recém-colocado está sendo repelido pelo meu corpo rebelde. Necessidade de exame de gravidez, e termina que eu quase posso ser mãe.

Repito: quarta-feira, um dia qualquer. Nem era feriado. Quase flertando com a idéia da maternidade, eu quase consigo confirmar a possibilidade da dúvida, não fosse minha incapacidade de fazer xixi no momento em que mais preciso dele. Foram 45 minutos de espera para as primeiras contrações da bexiga, e fico sabendo que ser mãe – ou quase – é uma espera que começa muito antes do que se imagina. Não deu nada. Ótimo. Por agora.

Carrera 7ª, eu semi-aliviada. Quase perco o almoço por pouco preço, não fosse a pressa que me garantiu restaurante aberto e o PF de frango. Corri comendo, e logo o filme começou no horário, às três ou quase. Cinemateca Distrital, filmaço, uma loucura. Saí pensando que tinha o tema do meu sonhado documentário. Algo muito inovador – ou quase –, tipo a relação homem e mulher. Tipo simples e contundente?

Tipo cinco da tarde, e aquele sol com ar frio que só Bogotá... Ameacei ir à aula do curso da universidade, mas no fim não. Uma quantidade de coisas em uma quarta-feira, e ao final nada. Estava quase confusa. Cansada. Afinal, quase entrevistadora, realizadora, mãe e documentarista. Incrível a quantidade de coisas que ameaçam acontecer em um dia. E nem era feriado.

sleep is to dream

drained
tired
15.000 songs and not one i want to listen to on my ipod
150 channels and not one i want to watch
thousands of movies on my hard drive and not one captures my attention

the web is endless with information i dont want to go after

all i want is to sleep
to sleep a dream
deep and long

i wish to sleep
to sleep to dream
dream to forget

forget the pain and tiredness in my brain
my mind wonders places i dont dare to go,
i wander around the house, up the stairs
down the stairs... and nothing, nothing visible nothing there
nothing in my heart

social exclusion....

things are feeling pretty weird lately, besides my "im not good enough for anything" feeling i have completely taken myself out of any and every simple and complicated relationship that i had.

the funny thing is that i keep telling myself that id like to be friends with my dad again and include him in my life and i keep trying to make the effort, day after day, and it seems like he keeps shutting me down...

one day he cant speak to me in portuguese because his stupid 33 year old bimbo of a girlfrind doesnt like when he speaks his mother language to his daughter, and the other time because he is watching a movie, because.... clearly the movie is much more important than to speak with his daughter, his blood, the only person who is going to actually care for him when he needs... the one who has been locked away in another country, away from family friends and life in general all because of HIM. because HE chose to go to the USA when i was 13, and because, HE chose to have his family there, only to kick us out in our asses one year later... because HEEEEEEEE didnt have enough time to be young!!! HE who partied night and day and day and night, and i at the ripe age of 10 would have to pick up his, high and drunken body off the streets and shower him, because he had piss and vomit all over...

does he even remember that? does hee even care that IM making an effort to include him in my life?
does he even care how lonely i am... because he made decisions that influenced my life in more ways that i can count... and yet he cannot be man enough to be responsible????

could that movie really be that important?
does it really matter if he is or not in my life?
and more important still... is it really worth it to have him in my life?
should he get to have me in his?????

right now... i dont think he deserves me as adaughter, i dont think he deserves my love, and i dont think he deserves what i have to offer him, because obviously there are many more important things to him in his life than me.

and decades after...

finally after 7 (SEVEN) years of not seeing pictures of my dad, my cousin went to visit NY and sent me these...

speaking of decades....

my cousin jst sent me pictures of 1991!!!!!! hahahaha

and the decades starts piling in... and the simpsons are still tehre

when the simpsons hit fame i was already a well bread american girl tv bound, so obviously i was not supposed to like the cartoon, so of course id watch 90210 and melrose place... bt id always flip back and forth and laughed out loud with the middle american family, not even realizing the parody they were painting would last me years to come.

15 years later the movie comes out. one and a half decades, too many months on which we grow old in, too many days to remember the reruns... too much time and none at al, as the great family still has some stunts to show not only america bt the whole world that making fun of middle america is fun... so for all of u anti- americans... have laugh... this may not bring the patriotism of bugs bunny goes to war, bt it will definitely mark a stepping stone for us sons and daughters of mass media. long live warhol!!!!

more, more, moreeeeeeee new pieces!!!!

"anel constelação"
anel giratorio estilo "bvlgary"- de casca de côco com detalhe em prata- do outro lado do anel o simbolo do zodiaco "touro"

face value

it is a sad feeling to be the presence of a woman who does not know her own value.

i met a couple of friends this weekend for a bbq, after the bbq a friend of mine said her friend was the producer of a show that was happening and he could get us in, so we all went to the show... sure enough he did get us in, we did have fun, and at he end of the night she said she was going to go home with him, because "after all" he did get us in for free. that triggered a little something in my mind.. i couldnt believe a 29 year old woman was telling me she was selling herself for a few tkts to get in to a show!

i mean "after all".... i dont care what she does with her life or her pussy, or anything else for that matter, but to actually vocalize that she was going to jst because???? i mean c'mon!!!!!! u gotta be kidding me right? u wanna stay, stay, bt to put a price on that was jst ridiculous! and to include me in this price, because after all i did use the free pass,  so what??? was she paying with herself for me too?????? 

its no wonder latin and south american women are viewed as whores all over the world, when they act as if they are one, even when not in that situation, could men expect anything else?????

new pieces

2nd piece geea designs

its been a while...

ive gone back to my old days of staying up all night, but the one that keeps me company now is the forever entertaining screen.. with all of its 61 channels and nothing to see, bt it is still mind numbing...

the house has ben on the market for a few weeks and there has been a couple of propositions, nothing written down or money in the bank yet, bt very close to choosing a buyer. its jst a pain in the ass to actually occupy the house and sell it, as sometimes u r jst not in the mood to have anybody over, and the dishes havent been done, and u really dint feel like doing it...

bt alas it must be done...
so now i must choose between buying an apartment in the city and securing my future with a piece of property, or investing it and choosing to buy my safety net later... since my family has not ever done any kind of investing, im completely lost on the subject...

thats all it has happened not really up to writing right now... c ya

como acontce o poder d saber q vc incomoda e poder d saber q vc NAO se importa em INCONDOAR....


um elefenate incomoda muita gente
doissss elefantes incomodam muito maissssssssss

the age card

somebody played the age card onme today...
im sure i would have been really upset if i was younger, but today i simple said... if u r not happy retire yoruself.. except not in so many nice words.- no i take that back... im jst as upset... NO ONE ever has the right to the the age card unless theyve really been thru it and understood it... its not jst because U r unconfortable with what i say, that u have the right to use the age card...

if MY MOM doenst use the AGE CARD Y should U???????


my jewelry teacher, introduce me to his wife, and she had this "im better than u " vibe ... i was having a conversation with another person that got HEATED... at the end of it all u could hear at the bar and across the street was my voice.. telling him... I DINT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANY LONGER TODAY>>> STOP

she then, took her TRUMP card ..the age... and said something to he effect that i was ONLY 30 and i had NO IDEA BLA BLA BLA and that she would NOT stay there any longer, and i said... well, that is ur choice... u r always welcome to go...

i do feel bad... but she had no place in the conversation i was having and im sure if i was jst the obxious couple sitting in the next table she would ve never gave me the ultimatum... so .. i think people should really put their money where their mouth is, and when in MY TERRITORY "mind ur war and battles" because I WILL FIGTH till death... mst likely URS!

in a differebt time, i would have said im sorry...in a different time i would have apologised and asked her to please stay, because i needed her to accept me.
today I acceot me, i am happy with my choices, if i raised my voice i knew why... and no the saying isnt thruth.. if u raise ur voice u loose ur right... she HAD NO PLACE in the conversation, the only person who could have said something was the one was was disageeing with.. and funny enough... she left and we had 20.000 other topics to discuss....

the moment of rebirth

thâmara geeampaolo

its official!!!

my first piece!!!



today i began my apprenticeship as a jewelry designer!




i am officially taking orders, so get urs while they last!!!!

its official

today i began my apprenticeship as a jewelry designer!

my first piece

ranting and banting

so here is what id like to say to my dads bimbo's every time they pick up the receiver and interrupt my conversation with him....

so here we go miss centerfold of the month... i like only because u happen to be my father's choice of the month... if he is happy im happy, bt dont confuse that with friendship... u have nothing to give me only to take, so know ur place...

and on a more personal note... no decent 30 something year old women would put herself in a position where she would date a man 20 years her senior, with a 30 year old daughter, unless she suffered from the "daddy syndrome". take a look around u idiot!!!! hes got nothing to give u!!!!!!!!!

CALL CENTER

since technology came into our lives many things has become automated, which sometimes is a great thing, as opposed to having to repeat urself ten thousand times to get to who u need to speak to, u can simply dial the numbers on ur phone to get transfered.

customer service however, does not go into "great modern technology goodies" its saturday, ive jst pent the last 3 hours on the phone with my net/cable/phone company. apparently they lost one of my payments (MAY) i have never been notified of this by snail mail or otherwise, today (AUGUST) they decided to simply suspend my line. now the problem with the 3 in one for any thing is the same as we thought in the 80's if one breaks down, THEY ALL break down. so they cut off my internet, therefore cutting my phone line as well, even though the phone line is provided by a different company, and they have NOTHING TO DO with it, as it was explained to me. also, i am in brazil, that means that 800 do exist however the companies do not offer this to the clients unless the client asks for it. NET/EMBRATEL are my services, i pay 1 months minimal wage for this service (R$380.00). (about 200 US$)

when i called and they told me that they were missing the may payment i explained that i was never informed, and that from my receipts that month has been paid, even after i gave the bank code and info they cannot allocate my payment, however i can file a complaint and they will search for the payment... meanwhile i do not have service. i argued that, as long as i was not informed of this unpaid bill they did not have the right to cut off my service, for as if i knew i was missing a payment i could have done something about it. now here is my problem with the "call centers", besides the robotic voice and text, they simply DO NOT THINK... if when they press "enter" they are given a text they read that out loud, and its as if there is nothing else to do! my thoughts are: if there really ISNT anything they can do (as people that would be THINK and find the best solution) then we might as well have EVERYTHING automated.

- please punch in the keys for your account number
- 73943902
-for payment press 1
-for suspend line press 2
-2
-ur MAY payment has not been received, if u paid this bill, please press 1
-1
-please tell us the bank code/ sorting number
-983472949264
-please tell us the amount paid
-380.00
-thank you, we will update our system. please allow 48 hors for system to be updated

now, there is no fighting a computer is there? they cant answer, they cant think... so Y are we still having PEOPLE answering the phones if there is nothing else they can do, except READ A SCREEN??????

NaNoWriMo

shes at work. in her small cubicle punching keys in the keyboard, still having no idea of what she is doing, bt she is trying to do her best. its 10.30am, time to go around the front and pick up the mail.. all accounts payable related stuff. she asks her boss and the mexican girl that started a day before her if they d like any coffe on her way back, they both say no without ever looking up or mentioning a thank you.

she walks to the front part of EASTCO Insutrial Cleaning Company. "hi and good morning all around", she goes thru the mail and finds a box addressed to her.. from florida. her father sent her a gift. as she opens the box she realizes its a cell phone. its 1998, she has jst moved back to ny for a wedding that didnt happen. she bought an old mustang for 400 dollars with no front ventilador and her father insists on her having a cell phone... "just in case, what if the car breaks down" he said. she ois so happy, this is one of the very few times he actually showed interest in parenting. however her happiness was short lived. inside the box , there was piece of paper with crooked number running across... 00's here 000's there, scribble scribble... then she realized that even the US$100 he sent 2 weeks before was written down with the added postage to the "help"

she recalled their conversation maybe a month before, when her engagement went to shit, and she didnt have a penny to her name. she called him to ask if she could go get her rodeo isuzu so she could bring it back to ny. she was living in a rented room in long island and working 40 minutes away.. there was no train or busses so she neede the car to get to work. she also asked him if he could help her out and pay maybe the next 2 car pyments and insurance, jst so she could get settled... he said he could buy the car from her instead, and insisted on her not going there to get it. ever since that conversation, he had sent a couple of hundred dollars here and there. until that moment, she really thought that her father had finally understood his responsability to his 21 yearl old daughter. but, no... she wrong.

she comes back to her desk, sorts out the mail and goes about her day, thankfully the small cubicle was set up so none of its three occupants ever had to look at aeach other unless u made an effort and rolled back on ur seats. as she keyed 123.00+43.98+76.89 plus the infinite list of payables, her eyes stingged with the sour tears rooling down her cheek.

lunch time, off to seven eleven for the one dollar hot dog, and a half empty bottle of water she filled up in the bathroom before she went to left. she ate in silence, she ate the salty dog and drank the water. staring at the box she placed on the passenger seat. she realized the list of crooked scrible was an exagerated sum, rounded off to the nearest 10/100 to benefit him was the price of her car.

teh isuzu rodeo was a partial present from an admirer back from when she was gold. an eccentric, and bit crazy gentleman who used to go into goldfingers and buy dances from her with checks.. that sometimes bounced. david tracked her down in florida, and asked if she was ok, when she told him that she had sold her jeep wrangler he sent her US$5K, without telling her, and she used that fro the down payment on her US$25K rodeo... which now belonged to her father for the grand total of fifteen hundred dollars.

it was winter and jones beach parkway was covered in white. 6pm looked like the end of the day, and there was no color in the ski. she felt like that color. the color of nothing, the color of displeasure, the color that meant nothing like she meant nothing to the first man of her life. she was numb. numb as the wind in the winter. no more tears to mark her face. no more strength to ask why, or try to understand or even accept. jst numb.

when she got home, she parked the car in front of the small long island house. the cabriolle was in the driveway-that meant half pint was home, the lights were on. but inside there were no friends waiting her. she had left everything behind in florida to marry her on again off again boyfriend, whom she had broken off with 4 times... when they got back together, and she knew it wasnt right... she jst couldnt bring herself to break up again... so she took one for the team, and when he proposed, she sunk in herl ake with 100 lbs stones tied to each leg. everytime they walked into an apartment she sunk a little more. everytime they bought a piece of furnitiure she lost a heart beat. but hey, she was 21, she was engaged and she was going to get married. until last month when he finally said the the phrase she had longed to say... "we need to talk", somehow she loosened herself up, and struggled to the surface, she could see the light about to break through... she gasped and took a deep breath... ahhhhh life, how sweet the smell of freedom.

she had left ny a couple of years back, taking a full u-hall truck and a broken heart to where the grass is always green and the sun is always shining. a place where if you dont like the weather , jst wait 30 minutes and it will change. swearing never to come back to ny. that life she left behind. no friends came of it. no contacts. no place to go. half pint was her ex's best friend, the kind of friend that makes a pact that if they're not married by the time they are 30, theyll marry each other. she was the only person she knew in ny. they had an empty room- she took it. bt those people could never be her friend.

in her early 20's and already so broken. so full of baggage. no, long island is no place for someone like her. the perfect houses, and the perfect garden, with the perfect fences and perfect families. with the perfect tragedies... the manicured nails and lawns, the stylish hair cuts and purses. no, they wouldnt understand. she took a deep breath, picked up the box and her purse. promisse had done it again, got her home without breaking down.

TAM processada pela lei americana- NOTICIA DO BLUEBUS

A TAM será processada na Justiça dos EUA pela família de uma das vítimas estrangeiras do vôo 3054, que explodiu há 2 semanas após tentativa frustrada de pouso no aeroporto de Congonhas, em Sao Paulo.

Segundo comunicado divulgado à imprensa hoje, os advogados Steven Marks e Ricardo Martinez-Cid, especializados em casos semelhantes, entraram com uma açao judicial em um tribunal na Flórida para representar a família do peruano Ricardo Tazoe. O passageiro, de 35 anos, tinha cidadania norte americana e morava em Miami.

"A partir das provas coletadas até aqui, está claro que a TAM sabia que havia problemas com a aeronave", disse Marks no comunicado - "O reversor direito do aviao estava desativado antes do vôo... e, se estivesse operante, poderia ter evitado o acidente", acrescentou. De acordo com o comunicado, a empresa brasileira será processada por negligência de sua equipe de pilotos e de manutençao.

___________________________________________________________________________________

e ai vem a globalizacao!
antigamente os brasileiros nao estariam sujeitos a nemhuma lei alem das leis brasileiras. porem nos dias de hoje, onde tantos sairam e conquistaram outros patamares alem da nossa "limitacao do mapa", e muitos outros visitam o nosso pais, chegou a nossa hora de saber como eh que eh q se faz a lei funcionar em paises do primeiro mundo.

esse nao eh o primeiro voo que mata pessoas no brasil, e tb nao eh o unico, porem neste voo havia uma pessoa com uma cidadania NAO BRASILEIRA, por isto esse caso pode ser julgado pelo pais desta vitima- sendo assim os estados unidos se enrola na nossa crise aerea...

o que vira disso, ninguem sabe, mas eu possso dizer o seguinte, conhecendo as leis americanas e sabendo que la a lei funciona, tanto para ricos como para pobres e ate para ilegais, imagino q todas as informacoes que ja sabemos sobre congonhas sera colocado em uma balanca e pesado... pois quando uma PESSOA entra em um aviao sabemos que tem o perigo de cair porem imaginamos que para uma empresa aerea FUNCIONAR ela TEM que estar de acordo com as leis... o q obviamente a TAM nao estava... isso consequentemente nao vai ser muito boa noticia para a TAM, nem congonhas e muito menos as outra empresas aereas brasileiras, pois agora esta TUDO sobre as lentes de MICROSCOPIOS AMERICANOS!

Mulher Quando Bebe....

Não sou casada, mas com certeza se fosse, esta poderia muito bem ser eu:


Na noite passada, fui convidada para uma reunião com "as meninas”. Eu disse a meu marido que estaria de volta meia-noite:
- Prometo! Eu disse.
Mas, as horas passaram rapidamente e a champanhe estava rolando solta. Por volta das 3 da manhã, bêbada feito um gambá, eu fui para casa. Mal entrei e fechei a porta, o cuco no hall disparou e "cantou" 3 vezes. Rapidamente, percebendo que meu marido podia acordar, eu fiz "cu-co" mais 9 vezes. Fiquei realmente orgulhosa de mim mesma por ter uma idéia tão brilhante e rápida (mesmo de porre) para evitar um possível conflito com ele. Na manhã seguinte, meu marido perguntou a que horas eu tinha chegado e eu disse a ele:
- Meia-noite!
Ele não pareceu nem um pouquinho desconfiado. Ufa! Daquela eu tinha escapado! Então, ele disse:
- Nós precisamos de um novo cuco. Quando eu perguntei:
- Por que? Ele respondeu:
- Bom, de madrugada nosso relógio fez "cu-co" 3 vezes, depois, não sei porque, soltou um "caraaaaalhooooo!". Fez "cu-co" mais 4 vezes e espirrou. Fez mais 3 vezes, riu e fez mais 2 vezes. Daí tropeçou no gato, derrubou a mesinha da sala, vomitou no tapete e voltou para a casinha dele.”

how DO they do that???????

amazing feminine powers...

o Q da questao!

acabo de descobrir que nao tenho ninguem na minha lista de emails com Q!
tambem fiz uma lista mental e nao conheco ninguem com o nome que tem Q
olhei tambem a lista do celular- e ZERO, nem empresa

alguem tem?????

vendas proibidas

pois eh, acabei de ouvir uma frase q se eu tivesse falado teriam tacado pedra em mim!

por causa de toda esta desgraca do voo da tam, muitas coisas estao aparecendo no ar. estou assistindo o show "happy hour" na gnt e a host acaba de dizer q os brasileiros sao "acomodados" que aceitam tudo, sem brigar...

e nao eh exatamente isso q eu sempre digo??????? so que eu nao tenho direito mais de comentar nada... muito menos comparar... pq????? como nao???? se eu tenho uma experiencia diferente do q todos estao tendo, nao eh NORMAL comentar e comparar??? e ate de uma certa forma alertar e dizer "olha isso daki pode ser melhor- ou pior"

os brasileiros realmente sao acomodados, eles realmente aceitam.

as passagens aereas acabam de ter suas vendas proibidas com saida pelo aeroporto de congonhas- agora me fala: POR QUE NAO FIZERAM ISSO ANTES????????????

por que nao pediram/ protestaram/ gritaram para que isso fosse feito antes???? e sabe o q acontece??? o povo brasileiro RECLAMA q agora nao tem mais voo... pois eh acho q eles ainda preferem correr o risco do que fazer uma viagem de carro ou de onibus- ou DEUS ME LIVRE cancelar as ferias?????? magina!!!!!!

andar de aviao no brasil virou Xtreme Sport- carga de adrelina cada vez q pisa no aeroporto (vai q um aviao colide com o saguao?), adrelina no ar ( nunca se sabe o controlador pode ter decidido que justamente o seu voo nao vale a pena olhar) e quando finalmente chega na hora do pouso- se a pista estiver molhada... oooopaaaaaaa vai garoto- u r in for a treat!!!!! sua descarga de adrenalina pode ate te causatr um ataque cardiaco!!!!!! mas tudo bem, vc nao vai nem sentir pq o choke do aviao contra as residencias e predios do outro lado pista explodiram o aviao e vc morrera em 3 segundos flat!
- nao eh tao exciting quanto saltar de para quedas????? vai q ele nao abre...

1 dia depois do acidente um amigo voou de la! e na volta adivinha onde chegou??? aham! ding ding ding!!!!! acertou CONGONHAS! pois eh o dia de trabalho eh tao importante assim que as pessoas colocam a propria vida em risco!

quando eu perguntei "como assim??? vc voou de la??" a resposta foi " ah sim... so tem problema quando chove"

e dai eu pergunto a vc: se acabaram de morrer 200 pessoas em um acidente de aviao, pela compania q vc tem q voar, pelo aeroporto q vc tem q sair e entrar, vc colocaria a sua pequena preciosa vida em uma simples parte da metereologia????????????

popCorn

so what makes pop orn pop?
is it the heat?
the oil?

can it pop without the oil?
im sure if u jst leave the oil sitting on the corn it wont pop...
but can u pop popcorn with water???

hmm i will have to try that!

when i was little my dad always made popcorn... my favorite was the caramel one... and after he popped it, he would put it into cubes and glasses or coffee mugs, and wait for it to cool off, and then tap on the bottom and pop the solid crushed popcorn... yummyyyyy...

i could never a sweet caramel popcorn as good as my dads... but i keep trying...

burning one kernel at a time1

TAM flight 3054

200 hundred died after a plane failed to stop at sao paulo airport.

the Congonhas airport was shut down a few months ago, for the so important "fix-me-up" the airport had waited for so long. air traffic controller in brazil are military official earning about US$1000 a month. there arent that many of them, and they don not have many benefits.

since september 2006 there has been a lot of problems around the airports, TAm has crashed a plane with another causing 154 deaths on air, another plane also crashed a few months ago, which brought attention to the take off lane. that lane should have only been able for take offs, however since it was new and more "secure" than the other they allowed for both take of and landing- even though when landing they would be facing buildings and highway. the grooves were supposed to be installed 30 days after the lane had been closed down, and aged. however once that asphalt had been dried they put it work.

the accident happened at 6.48pm and the passenger list was only released close to 2am, making all of brazil wait for endless hours to find out if their loved one was on the plane or not.

flying in brazil is a relative NEW way of transport. up till the 90's it was extremely expensive and we only had 2 or 3 carriers to choose from. with the downfall of the dollar, and more turist visiting the jungle, more airlines started to pop all over- GOL, BRA, TAM- these offered up till last year flights all over brazil, for a not so expensive fair. in 2006 some of the also offered international flights.

Varig one of the biggest airlines went bankrupt, and started putting their paid customers in other carriers. this is all great, many people who had never flown were now able to fly to see family across brazil, as opposed to making a once a year car trip. the only problem with all this is that as many airlines filled the take off and landing lanes, nothing else had been changed. radars are still the same ones they used in the 80's, personel and pay is short and there is a 3 minute delay between one plane and another in Congonhas. lossing to 2 mintes for HEATHROW.

Congonhas is located in a residential area, that has grown over the past 20 years. when it was first built there was nothing there. because of the airport business propered, and there was a flow of people looking for cheaper housing. and new business. Campo Belo is the neighborhood. 20 or 30 story building ranging from R$200.000 to R$1.000.000, where planes come soaring down and shake the whole building.

we as humans are creatures of habit. we get used to what ever situation we have been put, or put ourselves in. the question is: how much longer are we going to do this for?

i have come to depend on the "i-reporters" of youtube for any real information here are a few clips:

listen to YOUR SELF

today was the first time i chose NOT to, not to be surrounded, not to be in the middle, not to go to dinner, not be our with pseudo- friends.... as i have asked the universe to show me, it is now my time to act. today i acted!

appliances

so there i am trying to get the ice out of the freezer from the new freezer, that keeps overflowing onto the outside area of the freezer, making it impossible to close the door.. nothing works... hot water, defrost, wait wait and wait... so i find a pointy knife to poke around and get the extra ice out so i can close the door... poke, poke, poke... tcheck, tcheck tcheck tcheck.. psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst.... run, turn off the fridge, turn off all the lights... hmmm what was that?? gas? hmmm, no smell, psssssssssssst..... knife in hand all lights off, plug out... pssssssssssssssst- i never had a fridge that made ice!!!i mean that the whole thing was ice--- u know little icicles hanging down- how should i know? i remember my grandmother had one, but the memory of ice in the freezer for me meant that neon blue refrigerator, rounded- 1950 style... would i ever imagine i had BOUGHT one in 2007????? i guess it does seem i had.. so now it will cost me pretty much about the same to fix as to what is going to cost me to get a new one... note to self: when buying a refrigerator in brazil make sure its FROST FREE

daddys little girl

as incredible as this may sound, the 7 year hiatus from my "family" has actually brought me a lot closer to them.

imposed hiatus is something particularly funny. my father only realized he had a responsibility with me when i was 25,and thousands of miles away. a moment where he could easily have jst waived and said- what do i care???- better late than never i say... bt its been a good 5 years, having him remember me without me having to force my presence on him. as i write this, one of my parents old friends, has jst left the house to go see his 3 daughters and grandchild. they have made absolutely no effort in coming to see him. so he who is here visiting, has to go to the other side of town to "drop off" the presents he has brought them. we had a conversation the day he arrived, i explained to him that in the last 7 years i have found a "link" to my father... so far the only link is financial, once i am back in ny, i will have to do my part- this means call him, spend time with him, dinner, drinks, walks... whatever... HOWEVER i do know that if i dont make a move he is not going to- that is not to say he doenst want to, bt he will not show, emotions or love... that is jst how he is...

at 30 i have learned, all his flaws, accep[ted him in his shortcomings... it will not be easy, but i cant wait to "meet" him again, for the first time

o buço

estava completamente deprimida depois dakela noite em que ele virou pra mim, apos um sexo maravilhoso e me contou sobre a menininha fofinha da sala dele. PODE????? e pra piorar a frase dele foi exatamente: "com ela eu dormiria agarradinho" isso de um homem que disse que nao suportava dormir colado com ninguem! um homem que nao sabia nem fazer conchinha!

me preparei, tomei akele banho, sequei o cabelo tipo charlies angel, maquiagem super sedutora, uma saia de couro maravilhosa, com botas de salto alto ate o joelho, uma blusa vermelha de cashmere com as costas decotada. simples, sexy e sedutora. queria mostrar ao idiota que me trocou pela ninfeta o que ele estava perdendo. uma mulher, que ficaria linda do lado dele e nao iria parecer a sua sobrinha. uma mulher viajada, inteligente. uma MULHER.

meu acompanhante era um amigo em comum, passei da casa dele e decidimos tomar um choppinho, pois ainda era cedo para chegar na festa. eu me sentindo a tal. e ele enchendo o meu ego... essa eh uma das melhores coisas de manter amizade... PURA amizade de um homem hetero, e NUNCA dar pra ele... quando vc mais precisa eles te fazem os mais perfeitos elogios. estava sentada em um banco alto, e uma parte da minha perna estava a mostra. vc esta linda! nossa... eu cantei um trachinho da musica da rita lee "cuidado garoto... eu sou perigosa" quando ele olhou no meu rosto ... chegou mais pertinho, e com o dedo indicador, bateu logo acima dos labios...

- o q foi?
- hmmm, nao sei... acho q esta sujo aki...
- aki???
- ...
- saiu???
- nao, eh o buco!

ainda bem que era noite, e a festa seria com iluminacao, baixa... mas a verdade eh q cada vez q me encontrava falando com uma pessoa por mais d 5 minutos lembrava do buco e saia de finiho!!!!

where were you???

06.06.66
not born yet

07.07.77
hmm jst born, i might have been passing from lap to lap

08.08.88
somewhere in sao paulo- im really wishing i started keeping track of these dates sooner!

09.09.99
florida?

01.01.01-
last time i spend xmas and new year with my family

02.02.02
sao paulo- rua ana cintra

03.03.03
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

04.04.04
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

05.05.05
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

06.06.06
london- seven sisters

07.07.07
sao paulo- fritz martin

WHERE WERE YOU???

06.06.66
not born yet

07.07.77
hmm jst born, i might have been passing from lap to lap

08.08.88
somewhere in sao paulo- im really wishing i started keeping track of these dates sooner!

09.09.99
florida?

01.01.01-
last time i spend xmas and new year with my family

02.02.02
sao paulo- rua ana cintra

03.03.03
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

04.04.04
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

05.05.05
sao paulo- rua fritz martin

06.06.06
london- seven sisters

07.07.07
sao paulo- fritz martin

07.07.07 live earth

we will only be able to do that another 3 times in our life time!

there is a global event todat called LIVE EARTH... shows areound the world, the woodstock of my generation.

in brazil is being held in rio, out of all the continents brazil is the only place wher the show is free. lenny kravits and macy gray are among many of the guest. the event is a 24hr music concert, happening around the world in the hopes we as human will learn how to care for the land we live.

its sad that we as individuals and as a group do not have that embeded in our minds... we think, better we dont think... we use, and take advantage of our land, we ruin all resources not even entertaining the idea that once we leave this earth... the earth will still be here!

what u dont know can and will hurt u...

i didnt know envy was so ugly and so concrete
i didnt kow evny could sometimes have a name
or even that it could be manifested from people close to u
i had never seen so much hate for someone,

i never knew...

im sure this happens to a lot of people, but since i jst figured out music marks my groung here is my take...

i always seem to find music to fit me, and obviously i think they were made fro ME... calm down... my world is big enough for everyone to fit in... but jst remember i CHOOSE to make u a part of it...

amy winehouse is part of my paralamas do sucesso,as i found myself alone on the  cold chicago days... as the days got colder and useless i found marky mark... yes WITH the FUNKY BUNCH, they kept me company for a while... before he tried out to be a stud on feature films... then i grew up and drugs and techno kicked in in the summer backdrop of florida... tamiamiMIAMI, yes much before will took his stab at welcome to miami...chemical brothers brought both the chemicals and the brotherhood of belonging in my life, crystal meth- made remember of the time rich man that bought that champagne and strawberies in the champaing room in goldfingers and paid me thousands to sit - SIT not TOUCH- in the middle with some nicleback and liVe... the mttalica noise in head made me burst...in the middle of that i found a greek man, and i went to see blue man... when i found them... joss stone belched me a save me, and I did... save myself...... then came eu sou de tododo mundo e todo mundo eh meu tambem..... the tribalistas knew what they wanted and i want is amy winehouse to take me home

it hurts
it burns
the truth i deny to see

it burned the white off my
apple

we lived of of our love for days...
14 to be exact...
but love cant feed ones hunger of knowlegde and peace


i showed me the truth..
my reds are my companion.. for now.. ia m red

**inspired by: you sent me flying: (...how i did not mind when u stole all m smokes...)

... although sometimes i want more

one mouth
2lips
capable of smoking
only 1 cigaret AT A time

so WHY do i have

THREEEEEEEEE lighters???????

revelations

pois eh ainda nao durmi.. agora sao 20.30 acabei de chegar em casa sai com o andre e uma amiga dele que acabou de chegar da espanha que fez o curso com ele em cuba... ela eh muito fofa... mas tive uma realizacao um pouco triste q o universo me trouxe.... eu nunca imaginaria que fosse manisfestar dessa maneira...

estamvamos descutindo sobre pro e contras (acho eu) e estavamos falando sobre o valor literario da cultura brasileir (de novo... acho eu) e eu comentei que os livros nao sao advertised aki no brasil como la fora.. isso levou a uma discussao inutil do andre dizendo q eu sou reclamona, e que eu comparo os paises, e que eu nao estou contente e que eu nao faco nada pra mudar a situacao.... e que brasil eh brasil e eua eh eua

estou levando isso de acordo com a "oracao do sgredo" paraphrasing "sSe há algum inimigo, revelado ou não, querendo me atingir, que saia de minha vida. Pois, na minha vida só há lugar para amigos. "

pela conversa que tivemos no carro, incluindo deixar a convidada dele embaressed pelos comentaris DELE, ela estava me apoiando... me parece que ele eh invejoso das minhas venturas e desventuras pelo mundo e como ele disse "vc fala de coisas dos outros paises pras pessoas que nunca sairam do brasil e isso IRRITA essas pessoas" a unica pessoa q eele possa estar se referindo eh a wan e o marcelo e se esse for o caso, nao posso masi me involver com nemhum deles.... pois o UNIVERSO esta me mostrando o q eu PEDI e ORDENEI q ele me mostrasse... estou muito chateada com a minha descoberta perem... como sempre eu caminho meu caminho sozinha... com os meus proprios pes e pernas... meus olhos se enchem de lagrimas ao encontrar essas teclas e a dor no meu coracao me parte MAIS uma vez ao descobrir que coloquei meu amor e carrinho a desposicao de pessoas que talvez nao estivessem pronta a me receber nesse momento... eh com um pouco de tristeza que digo adeus nesta carta a eles, e nao pessoalmente... posi sei que so vc pode me entender!

depois de 30 anos ainda tendo de tudo pra conquistar amizades no meu caminho ... sera que algum dia alguem vai me aceitar pelo q sou???? sem me criticar???


desculpa... esse email ser um pouco triste, mas PLEASE... nao sinta pena por mim! e sim felicidade por eu estar escutando os meus sentidos... pelo q me parece u r stuck with me!!!! se um ser conseguir atingir somente uma OUTRA pessoa em sua vida isso eh uma virtude... vc me influencia, e sei q eh uma emocao mutua pois vc divide o meu mundo comigo... sem ter que pedir permissao, sem ter que se desculpar, gostando ou nao das minhas opinioes, mas sempre me respeitando! muito brigada! vc eh minha heroina!

muitas pessaos passarao por minha vida, disso eu tenho certeza, algumas ficaram masi que as outra, mas poucas dividiram a minha visao... eu divido a sua e vc divide a minha... e sou grata, mto grata por ter vc como minha mae... minha amiga, minha aliada, minha forca vital!

te amo!!!
thamara giampaolo


ps**** vou sair com a espanhola aki por perto, mas nao sei que horas eu volto... em todo caso te procuro online....

se nao pode me ligar amanha a hora que vc acordar e agente se fala.... te amo mto!!!!!






***MILLIONAIRE MIND- PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SAY: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE..... MY ANWEAR: THEY ALREADY DO THAT, (i always knew this in a small scale)MY CONVERSATION WITH ANDRE PROVED TODAY THAT YESSSSS THEY ALREADY DO THAT...HES ASKING WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DURING THE WHOLE CONVERSATION... AND IM TRYING TO SAY I AM ME, OBVIOUSLY HE CANT SEE ME, HE CANT HEAR ME.. AND IM TRYING IN VAIN TO SAY WHO I AM-I DONT NEED TO I DONT WANTPROVE TO ANYONE BUT ME!!!!!!, I AM ME I KNOW WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF!!!!!!

BECAUSE HE IS NOT WILLING TO SEE ME... HE SAID A BUNCH OF TIMES I I SHOULD NOT BE/ ACT / SAY/ COMPARE... AND IM SAYING WHY NOPT>??????????? WHY SHOULD I MAKE PEOPLE COMFORTABLE, IF NO ONE EVER MADE ME COMFORTABLE????? WHY SHOULD I GO OUT OF MY WAY AND MAKE SOMEONE "HAPPY" WITH ME, IF NO ONE EVER WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME HAPPY WITH THEM??????? I KNOW WHY... BECAUSE I AM VERY HAPPY FOR U WHO EVER U ARE AS LONG AS U DONT SATND IN MY WAY! AND OBVIOUSLY, I STAND ON A LOT OF PEOPLES WAY, BUT THIS TO ME IS NOT AN OBSTACLE... WITH MY BIG PLAN, AND GALLEY SHOWING, AND MONEY MAKING, AND EVENTS, AND THINGS THAT I CAN DREAM OF I KNOW I WILL PRODUCE THEM... ITS ALL A MATTER OF TIME... BUT "PEOPLE" DONT WANT TO SEE YOU PRODUCE.. THEY KEEP THEIR DREAMS QUIET- AS ANDRE... THEY DONT TELL ANYONE WHAT THEIR DREAMS ARE FOR A REASON.... THEY KEEP IT TO THEMSELFS.. SO IF THEY FAIL.. THEY WONT HAVE TO FACE UP.... ITS EASY TO HAVE DREAMS LIKE THIS... SO I TELL THE WORLD MY FORTUNE IS COMING TO ME! I AM MONEY!!! I AM LOVE..... I AMMMMMMMM.... I AM ANYTHING I WNAT AND NOBODYS FELLING THAT I SHOULD NOT BE IS NOT ALLOWED... BECAUSE THIS IS MY LIFE... I AM...........

NUMBtertainment- YOUTUBE for hourssssssss

this guy is reaaaaly good... orinal music, great lyrics, excelnet guitar palying....


and how could i not include her?????


**everyone got down on Larry for this, but hes IS the KING of pop, he was the only one who actually could pull this off...

younger woman- older men/ older women younger man

david hasselhoff

bored and having wireless access makes it even harder to fall asleep, so i decided to indulge myself a bit with celebrity gossip. how unfortunate for me, i came upon the david husselfoff situation, and that jst brought out rivers of emotions. the saddest part is to see the comments on the youtube page... everyone thinks its funny, and they are calling his daughter all sorts of names... can no one see how horrible this is?? what she must be going through? to actually film this, and if she did post it, can anyone imagine how hard it must be for her????

speaking form experience, when i was 16 i had the very same conversation with my father. it must have been the hardest thing i ever had to do. i bet if technology was as it is today, i would have taped him too! this conversation is still here in my head! 15 years later!!! having a parent who struglles with alcohol/drugs is not and easy thing! sure they are the life of the party when there is a group, bt that [in the video] is what WE, the family are left with once everyone goes home, laughing at "how funny it was he missed the chair" or "oh my god!!! i couldnt understand one word he was saying... hahahaha", so it might look like its ok for someone to get "THIS" drunk, but ITS NOT!!!!! not when u have a family, not when you have KIDS... especially not OK to let your CHILD see u like this, even worse to have her TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!

of course, everyone gets drunk at one point or another in ur life, bt "getting drunk" is something u do when u are young and stupid, and you dont know ur limits!!!! if you must drink to oblivion, then do it away from ur kids....

when i was younger i had nights that i had to pick my drunken father up from the street, take him in the house, my mom and i would have to bathe him to get the vomit and the stinch out, we had to endure screaming and yelling, and pray that hed fall asleep soon... so we could get some rest... the next day hed wake up, and from what im guessing hed have a faint memory of the pain he caused, so hed go for weeks being nice, until one day day a couple of weeks later- hed do it all again... as if he never learned anything. and he still does!!!

my parents split up when i was 16, my life went from water to wine, my mother has always taught me to love and respect him, for myself, and for the father he is. and she let me make up my mind about what i thought of him. she never bad mouthed him to me... of course when we talk about it, we say how horrible it was. bt we made a choice not to let that rule our lifes... we changed... we moved on... he hasnt!

im 30, my father still calls me up at 4am, drunk and high... and he says: "hey babyyyyyyy... im drunk and im hiiiiiiigh", i know its him, when my phne rings in the middle of the night... and all i can do is chat with him... until he doenst want to hear what i say and hangs up... i am My own adult now... but my heart still crumbles when i hear that tone of his voice.

its with great sadness and my deepest apologies to the daughters and the family, that i post husselhoffs video... all i can hope is that they will learn from this and not follow the same pattern as their father.

alcohol is a very dangerous thing for families!

Item #27

I have been working on item 27 since the beggining of the week. Our friend is coming back from italy, and he will be teaching me the basics of jewelry making, so I need to clear up the back so we can set up the studio.

Now what I cannot understand is how ONE person can collect soooo much junk???? i arrived in brazil with 3 pieces of luggage and a cat, the back rooms are filled with CRAP! CRAP I TELL YOU!

I found drwaing exercisises from Panamericana, I found books from university, papers pictures... I must have thropwn out at least 10 of those "family size" garbage bacgs out... on monday when the garbage truck came by, they had to actually stop the truck, and all the men had to work together. its coming along. after After it's empty, I will need fix it up, there is some mildew on the walls, and it need a good coat of paint, to look shiny and new!

so off i go!!!!!

good thurdays...

had trouble sleeping last nite, finally passed out at about 10 am, needless to say i woke up in the afternoon... i did hear someone nearly taking my garage door down, bt i was way to sleepy to move out of bed.

when i woke up, i had an idea to "reprogram my mind" using sublinal messages. yes there is a reason for that, bt i will not go into it right now... so 2 hours later, i was done. lots of work to put the subliminal messages in jst the right decibel... anyway, wan sent me a msn asking if i was a go for movies, and of course!!! im always up to doing something!

when we got there we noticed that we had seen almost all the movies they were showing, and the ones we didnt see, was on a horrible time... wed be out by 2 am, so we decided to stuff our faces with great arabic food. we went to almanahra, i love this place... we had babbaganush, hummus, kibe... great, fulfilling but not "stuffing". after we went to vanilla cafe, they are open 24 hrs, and have great coffees and sweets... we had a pettit gateau, brownie, capuccino and espressos; with an excelent side of great conversation... ranging from politics to andres pants looking like they were short!

i will miss them!

TRAD. entendendo os 30

como esse post foi revelador pra mim, farei a traducao em portugues... entao vamos la!

eu tenho q ser honesta, sempre fui muito feliz com o meu corpo. eh logico q akela barriguinha sempre me incomodou, mesmo quando ela era nao- existente, contudo nunca fui aquela menina que ficava procurando as pecas comecarem a apodrecer no meu corpo.

sempre fui muito ativa e atletica, entao nunca me preocupei com isso. fui sempre extremamente orgulhosa de minhas pernas torneadas, e realmente notei como minhas pernas eram musculosas quando operei o joelho... que por causa da cirurgia meus musculos desapareceram. fiz quase dez anos de ginastica olimpica, entao ter o corpo "torneado" era muito normal pra mim.

a primeira vez que eu realmente "olhei" o meu corpo, foi depois de uns 8 ou 9 meses que eu tinha comecado a dancar, um dia quando ja estava de costas pro espelho colocando uma camiseta, notei um musculo que nunca tinha visto antes, cheguei mais pertinho e repeti o movimento, tentando imaginar o que era... E LA ESTAVA!!!! minhas costas parecia que tinha sido esculpida, era um triangulo de ponta- cabeca perfeito! entao eu repeti algumas vezes masi, apreciando aquela forma tao bonita, que nunca tinha visto antes. eh incrivel o q aqueles "poles" de dancer pode fazer o corpo!! **** comprar um pole o MAIS rapido possivel!

eu realmente me deixei ir, nao consigo me lembra da ultima vez que fiz "exercicio". eu odeio academias e classe, sou masi do tipo competitivo, entao a ultima vez que fiz qq coisa, foi quando comprei patins pra retrabalhar os meus musculos deposi da operacao- 5 ANOS ATRAS!!!!!!!

tenho feito aquele exercicio dos anos 90 *8 minute abs* nas ultimas 3 semanas, com esperanca de diminuir a barriguinha, entao hj deposi do exercio decidi tirar fortos para o "antes/depois" - frente/lado..... e costas


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

o q q eh isso nas minhas costas?????
nunca vi isso antes?????
de onde veioooooo????

alguem deve ter me abduzido no meio da noite e colocaram um peaco de pele a mais no corpo!!!! isso nao eh possivel!!!!!!!
eu nao lembro disso AI!!!!!!????
eh como se eu tivesse encolhido por dentro e sobrado a pele por fora! e o pior de tudo... eh q tem a ruguinha na pele... q nem as ruguinhas de expressao!!!!! hmmm sera q eu posso aplicar BOTOX?????

"ficar mais velha" no rosto, nunca me incomodou, eu nao ligo das minhas "ruguinhas de expressao" nem dos "pezinhos de galhinha" mas isso... isso eh demais da conta!!!!!!

acho q a idade me achou!

understanding the 30's

i have to be honest.. i have always been very happy about my body... sure the little pudge has always bothered me, even when it didnt exist, bt all in all i was never one of those girls that kept looking at the mirror trying to find the pieces that were decaying on me.

i guess because i have always been very active and athletic, i never really bothered. i had always been exceptionally proud of my toned legs, and the muscle on my shin; and when i had my knee surgery i really noticed how diferent it would look if i never had exercised. i had been in gymnastics since i was 5, so toned body was "normal" to me.

the first time i REALLY noticed my body, was about 8 or 9 mths after i started dancing. one day i went to put on a t-shirt, and as i was turning away from the mirror i noticed a muscle that didnt exist before, so i got closer to the mirror, trying to figure out what it was... and did the same movement of putting the t-shir on again... and BOOM- there it was, my back was as if someone sculped it! it looked like a perfect upside down triangle... so of course i did it again a couple of time and marvelled in it... pole dancing does wonders to the body!!! *** note to self: buy a pole as soon as possible!!!!!!!

ive really let myself go, as far as exercising... i cant remember the last time i actually did something. i cant satnd gyms or classes, im more of the competitive type, so the last time must have been right after the surgery, when i bought my 20th pair of roller blades, so i could build my muscle back. FIVE YEARS AGO!!!!!

i have been doing the 8 minute** for the past 3 weeks in hope of lessening my medium pudge... so today after the exercise i decide to take a picture with my built in camera... front, side..... and back..................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
what is that on my back????
i havent seen that before????
where did it come from??????
someone came during my sleep, and attached and extra helping of skin to me!!!!!!!! how did that happen???????
i dont ever remember that being there????

its like i shrunk, on the inside, but my skin is still there!!!! not only that... ITS MARKED!!!!!!! even if i put my arms up, i can still see the little tiny mark on the skin... like with the laugh marks on your face... hmmm i wonder can i BOTOX that?????

getting "older" on the face, never really bothered me, i dont mind my laugh lines, or expression lines... bt this, this is jst too much!!!!!

i guess it got me!!!


u gotta be really courageous to put thing up like this! so cuddos for me, in hopes of changing this "unnatural" state!!!!

friday... again...

since ive been back from london, my source of "fun" is mainly on the weekend... by choice. together the 3 (4) mosketeers go out for dinner, movies, a drink, to the park... what ever tickles our fancy... so another friday is upon us.

andre seems to have caught my psycosomatic alergies, which by the way, i havent felt itchy in a while... bt anyway, he canot eat japonese food because hes dicovered hes alergic to one of the components in "shoyu"- and he doesnt eat japonese without it... and marcelo said he ate a batch of "bad shitake" so hes not eating japonese... we seem to eat a lot of take out pizza in brazil, so there is none of that on a friday... we decided to go to a "boteco" close by called rasgueira, tehy serve a piece of stake on a hibatchi, and it cooks while u r eating, needless to say we all come out smoked, bt all in all is a great quiet friday night place.

many subjects come up to the surface while we eat and laugh... but tonight andre has proposed we object to the "brazilian situation" in a rebelious movement. we always have a cause to rebel in brasil, if you want to... i dont keep up with politics here because it seems more like the gossip colums of the filthy and rotten, than anything else that matters... here you are actually better of reading the celebrity gossip colums... if you can believe it its less filthy than politics...

so we have been having sort of a problem with air traffic lately... i never really paid attention, all i know is that all planes have been delaying for the past year. today i found out why.

basically, all brazilian air traffic personel is formed from military officers that make about US$1000 A MONTH... yeap ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS- and they have been going on and off strike since last september, now they are planning to popen this to civilians, bt nothing concrete has been settled. las week our Turism and Travel Minister, Martha, said in a press conference- "well you know you are going to be delayed.. so just RELAX and ENJOY"- this statement obviously became the new catch phrase in brazil for anything that goes wrong.

THE PLAN:
tomorrow- saturday, we will rally as many people as possible and act out a "liberation movement" we will attack both airport in sao paulo, distributing clowns nose and whistles to the "clowns" waiting to get on a plane.

ill let u know how it went!

ive finally learned the upper hand!!!

at the ripe age of 30 i have finally learned "THE UPPER HAND"

ive always been excepcionallly free, so i would and could only understand the meaning and concept of freedoom once ive taken EVERYTHING away from myself...

today was the first time I walked away from something... something that i wanted, well even if momentary, i had the concept that i SHOULD leave and LEFT...

its really hard to overcome your own hurdles... this is mine.. MAN... i dit

im home

oooh i wish it wold rain now
down on me

so i could dance in it naked!!!!

NUMBtertainment

radio used to bring news from wars, local information, music and a few plays a week in its good ol' days. Tv took the same road when it frst started, but as humans absorb information, television started many programs to keep the telespectators glued to the little screen.

today it is completely possible to spend a full 24hrs directly in front of this tube with moving images... as i have jst accomplished! a full 24hrs in front of the televison, never being bored for the exception of being completely NUMB!

who else is tired of paris hilton?????????

one of the heiress' of the hilton empire has been the "talk about town" since she was 15 or 16. to tell u the truth "paris dos" has lost its glamour to me for a long, long time now. with the "head to head" competyiion with pamela anderson lee, and now shes running over my darling robert downey jrs DUI record.

what really gets me mad is that she has commited a crime and GOT CAGHT! by the system!!! the same system that has put wrong people in jail, has now let paris go, because she was sick (????) how many convicts die in jail? without seeing their family, of neglect from doctors and nurses- BECAUSE they are a convict!!!!!

from experience- those who commit crimes must be punished and carry out the sentence. my father got a DUI in florida a few years back, besides drinking im sure my father was probably high, as he showed me he hid half a kilo of pot in his car. he was sentenced to x days in jail, he pleaded that he could stay for the whole term in ft lauderdale so they gave him the famous ankle bracelet. on weekends i had to drive 400 miles from ft lauderdale to port charlotte, pick my father up and drive back to ft lauderdale. the anckle bracelet didnt stop him from drinking and he still got around on his bicycle (still very able to CAUSE accidents). one day i picked him up and he was stoned out of his mind, drunk and glueing acid (LSD) to every part of his clothing they wouldnt check... underwear and tshirt tags, and seams...

i guess if i ever need to smugle acid i know how to do it.

"Then some of her friends suggested going to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to seek a pardon. One of them even wrote Arnold a letter, claiming Hilton should go free because “she provides beauty and excitement to most of our mundane lives.” I don’t know if it’s possible for a governor to veto a letter, but Arnold should have looked into it in this case."

and yet... i wait... must be nice to have that much money to make new laws fr yourself... that would sure come in hand if say... i needed to make a new law about immigration... dont u think....

seing that the third world country only had drugs, whores and soccer my dad should had been a drug lord!!!!!

In my own words

The smell of clementine brings me back to childhood. Advertising. Taurus. I've jumped out of a moving airplane, white water rafted on the other side of the world, but I never glided. I always wanted to live in London. Sun and wind hitting my face. Persistent. Recognizing a person by the way they hug. I laugh when I'm nervous, and defensive when I'm mad. "In" jokes (when I'm in) and making fun of the "in" jokes when I'm out. Breathe. Photography. Miles Davis, Vinicius de Moraes, Bossa Nova, Metamorphosis. Enough friends to count on one hand, but friends that will always be there. If you can't handle the heat...
Summer.

I'd rather sound ignorant for a second than go the rest of my life being lightless. I have one dimple on my left cheek. Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. My unbearable lightness of being. I sleep in the middle of the bed so there are no empty spaces. Rebecka Törnqvist track 8. I like seeing the seasons change. Extremist . Mom's cooking is always the best. Winter. Big slice of watermelon, the flavour dripping down the side of my mouth- seed spitting competition. Media. Melancholy. Rubens' Women, Van Gogh's Orchids and Picasso's Blues. Tin cans. O+. Pain is to miss. I still look for a bunny in the clouds. Winter. Military Brat (without the military part). I've made promises I couldn't keep, wrote letters I didn't post, lost friends i said id hang on to and said I Love You when I didn't mean it. To miss someone is the best feeling in the world. Things change- sometimes it's a good thing. My best friend is afraid of needles. Rain beating on the window- blanket- sofa- falling asleep. Rock 'n' Roll, Jazz, Saaaaaamba! 2 left feet. Somethings are always the same. Maybe one day I'll get it!

legal immigrant

i arrived in the usa at the ripe age of 13 in a back of a truck, along with my mom and 2 suit cases containning 101 pairs of shoes, purses and clothing... my clothing ocupied about .5 inch of the bag. 2 sweat suits from Print Rip, one low top Nwe balance and 4 tshirts from Print Rip- the other new balance (high top) i was wearing....

11 year later i arrived sao paulo with 4 peices of luggage- one filled with books and purses, the second with shoes, boot and hats, the theird with clothing and last shadow- my cat.

i found myself again in a different country, fortunate enough i knew the language, but was a comlete foreing when it came to costums..i was nicknamed the "gringa" in school, and people still call me that... even though this is where my passport says i was born.

however i think my birth came 2 years ago in london. again... i found my self in an airport with 2 pieces of luggage, no friends no family... jst me.

in less than a week i had found myself a place to live and a job. i love london- its different than all other places. i believe london is only LONDON because it recycles every few years- aou of everyone i met, there was no one there that actually wanted to stay. it a transient place. a place where people go, stay for a while then leave- and more people come and stay and leave...

and now im back in brazil. 2 days ago my mom got a letter from immigration, saying that my papers had arrived brazil... so soon i will find mtself back in a plae with a few pieces of luggage- including the cat... im finally going home!

Finally!

so ... ive been engaged 3 times...

ring on finger, date released.. really engaged. oh yeah, we also lived together...
"pominha branca o que estas fazendo?
lavando roupa pro casamento...."

the first:
brett/ blue eye devil
me while i danced at godfingers...
i told him i would not go out with him unless he stoped comig to see me dance... ( young and naive)
we dated on and off 5 years

when i met him i only alloed myself to have a relationship with him because i found out the blue eyey devil ( the manager of GOLDFINGERS at the time, was engaged to be married

by the way.. stage name : GOLD
PURE GOLD

anyway... i dated brett while i was trying to get over the fact the love of my life.. he had shown me the house wed live in after he divorced- that never happend- (he married and staued married)

so, on one late afternoon my sort of other love of my life 2nd part teresa proposes we take off to florida- an asterisc is needed *** she needed to go to florida to conquest the LOVE OF HER LIFE...

so blue eyey devil gets married, i fall into a deep depression sleeping for days, having all sorts of allergic reaction- the worse i big lump on my left eye.. i go back for the second or third time with brett.. we travelled to florida, satyed at his parents... dated for 4 years on and off **NO SEX***

really! i think he was the only man i could hold out to... the blue eye devil in a phone call said: "look at him... hes gotta a big head... doesnt he???"

the best way rto describe my relationship with ricci.."the blue yey devil" is GOODFELLAS- if u know it u know it if u dont.. watch it, memorize it.. imagine... except there is an extra- THE STRIP CLUB AND THE STRIPPER

we broke up- back on... broke up.. back on- till finally imoved back to ny, my parents were back in FL, and brett left me stranded.. for a few hrs...

ricci and i are mended at the heart.. always will be

2nd/ 3rd
joe
fl
truck driver
drugs
raves
party time
BAD girls go to after party (daddys advice)
pregnancy
abortion
more drugs
more vodka
more drugs
and more drugs

got cleaned 1998
1999 met the GREEK- everything i wanted in a man... bt i wasnt who I AM


SO FINALLY!!!!!!
i know what to say!

sorry babe...... i can stay up 3 or 4 nights in a roll-NO DRUGS needed... after that i could probabaly have about 15 beers... and still not be sleepy.......

so I NEED MY OWN PLACE... =)

**I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROCK STAR!!!!!!!!**

AFI's 100 in 100

so for the movie buffs here is the list.. i will try to post my comments on the 100 best movies in 100 years...

100 movies in 150 days

taken in account that I can only download 20gb a mth I will have finish the list in 5 mths


The Complete List:
1. CITIZEN KANE (1941)- COMPLETED 13/5/2007
2. CASABLANCA (1942)
3. THE GODFATHER (1972)- COMPLETED 2005 KNOW ALL THE LINES
4. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
5. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962)
6. THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939)/
7. THE GRADUATE (1967)
8. ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)
9. SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993)
10. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)
11. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)
12. SUNSET BOULEVARD (1950)
13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957)
14. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)
15. STAR WARS (1977)
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17. THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
18. PSYCHO (1960)
19. CHINATOWN (1974)
20. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)
21. THE GRAPES OF WRATH (1940)
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
23. THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)
24. RAGING BULL (1980)
25. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982)
26. DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)
27. BONNIE AND CLYDE (1967)
28. APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)
29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
30. THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)
31. ANNIE HALL (1977)
32. THE GODFATHER PART II (1974)
33. HIGH NOON (1952)
34. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962)
35. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934)
36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969)* GRT MOVIE
37. THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES (1946)
38. DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)
39. DOCTOR ZHIVAGO (1965)
40. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)
41. WEST SIDE STORY (1961)
42. REAR WINDOW (1954)
43. KING KONG (1933)
44. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)
45. A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951)
46. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)
47. TAXI DRIVER (1976)
48. JAWS (1975)
49. SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)
50. BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)
51. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY (1940)
52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953)
53. AMADEUS (1984)
54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930)
55. THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
58. FANTASIA (1940)
59. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955)
60. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
61. VERTIGO (1958)
62. TOOTSIE (1982)
63. STAGECOACH (1939)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)
65. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)
66. NETWORK (1976)
67. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962)
68. AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (1951)
69. SHANE (1953)
70. THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)
71. FORREST GUMP (1994)
72. BEN-HUR (1959)
73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939)
74. THE GOLD RUSH (1925)
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
76. CITY LIGHTS (1931)
77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78. ROCKY (1976)
79. THE DEER HUNTER (1978)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
83. PLATOON (1986)
84. FARGO (1996)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933)
86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935)
87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951)
93. THE APARTMENT (1960)
94. GOODFELLAS (1990)
95. PULP FICTION (1994)
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
97. BRINGING UP BABY (1938)
98. UNFORGIVEN (1992)
99. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER (1967)
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)

101 in 1001

cant really say im doing that, bt this seems the lates craze in the blogsphere... well i dont have 101 thing and i dont plan to do it in 1001 days, bt i am creating a list of things i want to do, own, lear etc... funny i thought it be easier to come up with a lot more than 50 in one sitting... bt i was wrong... ill keep adding to it- and remembere ...
"THE SECRET"!!!!! a little homage to wan whom i saw the movie with...

the secret is not why i am creating the list bt i do know and have know u need to tell the universe what u want... so "hello!!! universe... read my list!!!!!!"

i am ready to start receiving what i want from the universe!

the list

1. live a season in paris with a open view to the Eiffel tower
2. live a season in amsterdam in the red light district and a boat house
3. live a season in a villa tucked away in spain
4. become an expert skydiver
5. travel to indonesia no time to get back...
6. make one great movie
7. become a jewellery designer and take the family business to a profitable, marketable place- started august 11, 2007
8. make a recipe book
9. take my mom to a nice 2 week vacation every year
10. learn how to pilot a stock car
11. travel to australia
12. travel to japan
13. live for a season in the north pole
14. work with medics without frontier in africa
15. visit morocco
16. start a lingerie collection
17. find a really eccentric "style" and use it for as long as i like (not dress up sometimes- bt really wear it)- includes hair, make up, clothing, vocabulary, literature, music etc- something like the 20's maybe?
18. have a black tie party on mud- "forgetting" to tell guests theyll be stepping in mud-
19. own a t- ford in working conditions
20. have a purple vespa
21. an apartment in ny
22. have a hot dog at Coney island
23. watch sunrise at the brooklyn bridge
24. watch sunrise at the Eiffel tower
25. watch the sunset in tahiti
26. go to egypt
27. clean out the back rooms- done JUNE 2007
28. a house in the mountains for skiing
29. a house at the beach for the summer
30. (beach and mountains anywhere in the world will do as long as there is snow/sun)
31. a farm- all rustic with a round ground fire place in the living room
32. horses
33. go on a cruise
34. get a life insurance
35. spend a weekend in a retreat
36. live in London- COMPLETED FROM NOV 2005 TO FEB 2007
37. build and fly a kite
38. learn to golf
39. start yoga DVDs mom gave me
40. Get my Ph.D. In INDUSTRIAL DESIGN
41. revisit playcenter and childhood memories
42. kiss someone i love under the mistletoe
43. a store in ny
44. a store in paris
45. a store in london
46. a store in sao paulo
47. learn to surf
48. read the 42 "Banned books"
49. learn to play the piano
50. plant a tree
51. sell the old ohouse

52. throw away anything I don’t use in the house
53. a relatively decent long stay in nepal
54. learn how to skate
55. learn how to listen
56. complete the 101 in 150 LIST- started may 20th 2007
57. start wine tasting around the world
58- go to patagonia
59- visit antartica
60- Bolivia's Salar De Uyuni
62- South America tour 3 mths
63- CHANGE MY BLUEPRINT
63- open up a foundation
64- doctors without borders
65- BE GREEN

66. be a millioaire, so i can make a difference in the world

the famous brownies....

no one ever believes me when i say i dont smoke pot.. i cant.. i simply do not function... i have smoked when i was younger, bt then again i would only smoke to bring the "rolling" from the "e" back up... but smoke a joint and hang out... simply impossible.. my eyes go japonese, i get a silly amiles and it takes me 15 minutes to put a phrase together and another 15 to say the words.. by the time i expressed my thought whatever the conversation was is no longer... which in a group of people smoking pots can only cause ONE reaction... laughter... so the the paranoia sets in... are they laughing with me or at me... words are distored as much as faces and everything becomes very disconforting... then i get very, very hungry... and after i eat i pass out....

this is why i dont smoke pot... and if i did i could probably smoke a joint in the house, and after dinner while watching tv with my parents... and im sure id always get the "good stuff" from my dad.. as he alternate cigarret and pot... all day... i grew up with it around me.. i love the smell of it... i jst cant do it...

my cousin not believing me, rolled a joint a offered it to me.. and i told him... trust me ONE hit and im out flying as high as a kite... "oh c'mon... ur a looney!!!! u r the craziest, wildest person i know... u gotta smioke with me...." all righ... fine... bt forget me for the next 4 hrs... case in point... i layed in the sun... sipped my drink, and listened o my ipod .. he tried to have a couple of conversations with me.. to what my reply was " ", so he believes me now....

and for those of u who likes the "famous brownies"

provoked

a few mths ago i received an email for a job in london- a feature film, unfortunately i was aleady in brazil, and it was a low budget film in which they could not pay me.

i exchanged emails with the production people, and they gave me all the info for the first feature of the director... PROVEKED, couldnt find it anywhereso i finally looked it up on isohunt and downloaded it... its amazing, its about the true story of an indian woman who was abused for ten year by her husband untill one day she burned him while he was asleep.

amazing story telling. worth having a look!!!

while we wait....

so here i am ... time schedule all messed up, i slept 2 days straight, i get rashes everytime i eat and the imigration & naturalization office takes their sweet old time to give me my immigration status....

i havent seen my father in 7 years, and i see my mom every 6mths fora couple of days.. this could easily be fine for most part of the world"a dream", bt i am very close with my parents and miss them both so much it takes part of my heart everytime i think of them.

ive been told ive developed a psysomatic allergy- havent really figured out what i am allergic to specifically yet.. so till then i guess i have to be a victim of "1/4 jolie lips" again...

its funny that a country which prides itself in "culture" - non- existent, and "family" - best when far, does not recognize how tearing a family appart is bad...

so, the oh so dreamed land of the free and the home of the brave, will still be in my dreams when i sleep and im my dreams when im awake- for now i jst zumbi my way through days and night waiting for them to remember me and stamp the papaers.....

another clock conversation

so... u r 30!
yeap... feels great!
and u have a boyfriend right?
nope, no boyfriend...
oh... bt u r looking right?
nope.. ive actually taken a celibacy vote last year
oh (with a how-should- i- react- to- this - information" look)
i decided that i had enough of jst sex, so im going to be some what picky with the next person im with..
oh... bt U R 30? right?
yeap
dont u want kids?????
nope
reallllly???
im not saying ill never.. bt i dont want to have kids
oh....
never really had that craving for gettig pregnant, giving birth... cleaning poop... dont think its for me...
oh.....
im sure ur time will come... every girls clock is diferent...

so i guess my clock must be digital because i hear no ticking....

sometimes porn is GOOD!

youtbe really does have evrything!!! thought this was pretty cool!

this is democracy in brazil

first news of the night tonight:

"the dollar has reached for the first time in 6 years the lowest exchange rate: 1.976" the last time the dollar was this low FHC was president, and the twin towers were still standing"

on another note still bout the president: Lula says he is not going to run for a third mandate. cut to VT "i will not think about, worry about even thinking about running for a third time, i didn't want the second- i don't want the third" i bet u he runs- and i bet u he wins! however in addition after saying he will not run, we get the news of inflation being the lowest and all exports Brazil are involved in- cut to VT of [president saying.. " there is absolutely no wrong doing in electing a president who has served his country right, again, for be it a second or third time"



could we say... CUBA??????
or biased???
induction???
dictarship via democracy???????????

update on THIS OLD HOUSE

shower is fixed!!!!

i tried changing the shower the other day and ended up breaking it more... so today i went to the DIY store and bought the stuff to fix it... after a small tiny shock i remembered i had to turn the electricity off... so downstairs i go.. and back up to work in the dark... knives to unscrew and screw in had, white tape, black tape... 15 minutes later... voilaaaaaaaa nice very very hot shower!!!

as mummy always says this is what happens in houses that are no man present!

hahahaha
when i was about 11 i think, we had one of those 1980's antena up on the house to get better reception... one day after a nice big waters of march rain, our reception was shut, so my moms climes up on the roof telling me that woman are jst as good and we can DO ANYTHING man can... to illustrate she says holding the antena... see who says we need a man in the house for the little "fix it" problems... jst as she is finishing the sentence she slips and fall on top of the dogs cannil!!!!

so there we go... some fall off roofs others get electrocuted- that is what happens when there are no men around!

"im back w/ my ex" no longer

4am my phone rings... jst when i thik ive finally fixedmy sleeping schedule

"im back with my ex" calls me to tell me hes lonely and how about he comes over for a cuddle.. hmmmmmmmmm

sorry nope im too much of a woman to be the second or the "other" ... oh please dont be mad at me.. im vulnerable today, he says.. right and i should worry about u being fragile after u've dumped me via text, i should still be understanding of ALL UR lifes turmoils???????

long story short, i said if he wanted to talk over coffee the next day it would be fine, "bt no u cant come over"

the next day he sends me an email about how nerds are better than the bad boys... did he not notice that he had me and chose not to be with me... i guess not!!!

tarantino decifrado

meu idolo!!! aki vao as tesis tarantineska

another one bites the dust

one more mothers day, that i cant be with my mo goes by, so borrowed other peoples mom... im getting good at that!!!

first i went for lunch with my japonese family, aunt laura and auntie helena and grandma naka, beto minoru and ale were ther but no monica... she had a fight with ant laura so she is avoiding her... so im told... i havent spoken to her in about 3 years... she is very rude, and i got tired of running after her... we had misoshiro and sukiaki with rice... very yummmmy, then as always we had pomkan- overgrown clementines.. very yummy, very japonese... coffee a couple of cigarrets on the front stairs, and off i went. i brought grandma naka a nice orquid... and that was the only present she got... hmmm

then as i got home i saw wans car outside and rang the bell so i could say happy mothers day to mrs suzana, andthey were about to go off to dinner, so i went along... we finally went to a restaurant wan and i pass by hundreds of times, and we always say we should try it... so we went... it was very nice, i had the stake and wild hearts of palm... deliciousssss... wan had some kind of fish which she shared with marcelo, mrs suzana had shrimp- one of the few things she likes... ive been trying to make them dinner as im always hoing over there to scrap meals... bt she is a very very picky eater... suzi had fish and so did her husband and gigi had salad as she has become a vegetarian...

halfway thru the meal, i feel my left upper lip very heavy, i thought it was a blister, after finishing dinner i went to the toilet and found out i had just become half angelina jolie!!! have no idea what is going on with me... bt everytime i eat i get some kind of rash... usually on the arm or legs, bt this time i had one quarter of a very plump kisser!

i guess i cannot run away from the doctors now.. of to testin i go this week!

so i did what i always do in the hours of need, i called mommy to get some consolation, she turns on her i chat i shouts: "oh my goshhhhhhhh... oh my!!!! that looks horrid!!!!!" gezz thanks mom! i was going for "oh honey.. it doenst look that bad! " bt then again, what could i expect... the first time she saw me she thought i was ugly... all ears and nose.....

i guess i now know what i could look like with full plump lips... hehehehe

escrever por escrever

Escrever , simplesmente escrever, sem contexto não tem valor algum. Precisamos elaborar idéias, servir verdades como um gourmet com seu cardápio.
É mais fácil falar, sem dúvidas nascemos doutrinados aos sons. Escrever se aprende com o tempo.e quão grande se faz esse tempo, muitas vezes o tempo de uma vida.
Em minha vida escrever virou vício desde o primeiro diário, colecionei agendas ilustradas com poemas, trovas e versos de amor. Faz-se assim o meu amor pela escrita.
De tanto praticar meu amor virou talento. Ou será que o talento veio antes? Não sei. Porém com tempo fiz questão de especializar-me na função escritora. Que não é simples, sofremos julgamentos por idéias e opiniões, mas o importante é persistir.
Hoje escrevo romances, algumas crônicas certamente ainda por reflexo das minhas primeiras influências. Todavia mantenho meus textos secretos como os diários que escrevia, não mais por medo de relatar o mundo que vejo e sinto, mas com medo da transparência causar dor aos olhos do meu espectador.
Escrever em minha vida é exaltar o amor, aonde quer que ele impere e tudo o que mais lhe acompanha; alegrias, lágrimas, tristeza, dor. É o remédio de minha alma, ilustração de minha dor. Gostaria de expressar-me em outras artes, todavia o que fazer se me apaixonei pela arte das palavras?
Escrever é espelhar o seu íntimo margeando com tinta e transparecendo a alma na folha de papel. Se seu conteúdo interno é complicado seu texto vai ter esse reflexo, se você é simples, direto e objetivo, bem, creio que assim terá o mesmo caminho que o meu: retratar a própria alma.

this old house

so this is what happens when u live in an old house... everything BREAKS... first the shower went... in brazil hot showers are provided by "electric" showers, yes u actually have wires running right alonside ur water... not sure that would be aproved in the US, bt here is the only way... inside the shower there is what theu call the "resistance"- which is what makes the shower turn o and off.. anyway my shower was broken when i got back to brazil from london, bt it was summer so i didnt bother to change it. last month staeted getting cold so i fixed it, bt for some reason it was not working propperly, so i went to get a new shower, bt before the shower the toilet downstairs was busted... i dint mid as i have 2 other, bt the one upstairs broke too... and the other one is in the studio outside.. so i had to fix it... as if that wasnt enough.. the fridge went as wel!!!! now all i need is for the florr to fall from right under me.. and im not kidding... the house is sinking... so note to the wise... LIVE IN NEW HOUSES!!!!!!

macarrons, macarrao, pasta and massa

my time schedule has completely changed... i stay awake nights and sleep during the day... a few hrs here a few hrs there...

been researching a few things for my Media Convergence Thesis, along with a design study.. for what could be my first collection. its funny how im very extreme, i always said i was either 8 or 80, bt never really believed it... and now looking at the drafts ive done, i have extremely organic forms and very geometric forms- i guess ill have to construct my library of images in order to deconstruct it again and come out with a result. ill post the drafts as sson as i find my scanner.. i think its up in the closet somewhere...

tonight ill be studying a "pasta" its all rolled up in a bunch... opefully something eill come out of it...

thats it for now.. im downloading citizen kane and grinhouse (tried this for teh past 3 wks and all iget is nothing!!!)

quickie

so i stuffed my page with pics and stuff... finally learned how to do that.. there is even a video!!! granted not the best yet... bt i will post better things... maybe some of shadow chasing her tale.. that always gets a laugh!

im downloading the new hereos, only 1 more hour to go!!! yupiiieeeee! lost comes out tonight... and i get to see dexter all over again in june!!! one of the networks here are going to be broadcasting it!

as expected i was up until about 10am this morning and slept all day... really gotta stop beng a vampire... it cant be good!!! oh yeah... more new...

dardo the infamous with the letter wanting me to work my butt off for free send me another email::


>>Oi Gia,
tudo bem com vc?
Preciso bolar uma capa p/ o DVD do IHSP, vc toparia fazer comigo?
bj
Dardo


scene from IHSP
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRANSLATION::::: HELLO GIA, HOW ARE YOU? I NEED TO MAKE A DVD COVER FOR IHSP (IHATE SAO PAULO- HIS FILM) WOULD LIKE TO BE INVOLVED?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
to which i replied::

oi dardo,

td bem?

sim logico...

o meu orcamento para um trabalho de design pra o cd ficaria em torno de R$580.00

com 2 capas de arte final para sua escolha. o prazo para entrega da
arte final dia 15/05

entrega da atre em pdf e 1 impressao final.

c vc estiver interessado eh so avisar!


bjs
gia
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRANSLATION:::: HELLO DARDO? HOW ARE YOU? SURE OF COURSE! MY ESTIMATE FOR A NEW DESIGN FOR YOU DVD IS OF R$580 (REAIS)- CLOSE TO 240 US$, THATWILL INCLUDE 2 FINAL DRAFTS FOR YOU TO CHOOSE FROM. DELIVERY FOR FINAL DRAFT: 15/05. LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

now he cant really be expecting me to this THIS for free to?? is he??? i mean a graphic design degrees gotta count for something??? since my marketing and advertising didnt! dont u think????????

how cool it really is to have so much technology?????

"im back w/my ex"

so i met a boy a few weeks back. i actually met his sister through a friend... who i hadnt seen in almost 2 years... she got everybody excited about a "feijoada" or something on a sunday, we made plans to meet- she said shed give me a ride... bt i know tuca, i didnt wait.. on the way the sky fell onto sao paulo... the streets got flooded and i ended up being 2hrs late... needles to say there was no more lunch.

by the time i got to the restaurant, she said she was about to leave, introduced me to a couple of friends and shipped me off with them, with the excuse that she be there- where ever it was that we were going- so i hit it off with tata, we are somewhere in the same place in life right now, and she passed my phone # to her brother- telling me he would be interested in the "viralchart". he called me the next day, we ended up going for a drink.. we hit it off instantly... he is jst as wacky as i am... i had a great time.

we spoke on the phone a couple of times, and then i had my bday on the weekend, after my bday party was over i invited him. the party was a family thing...

he came over we hang out for a bit, hang out with a couple of my friends and we cuddled.. awwww

we were supposed to see each other that sunday, bt his "ex" came by his house for something, and we ended up not seeing each other... the whole week was kind of crazy, we didnt meet. on saturday i had class and then off to the Virada Cultural... and he went off to skoll beats.

we spoke sunday, bt since i went to bed at 10am, i ended up sleeping till monday... monday night comes along, he calls me up and asks if i want to do anything, and i say yeah sure... he never picks up the phone....

this morning i get up and there was a text message... "im back with my ex"

and so ive been dumped by SMS!!!!

hey there is a first time for everything!!!!



Ps*** the screen has been broken for a long long time... it had nothing to do with the sms!ironic isnt it???? hahahahahahaha

so here we are again!

another 2 am goes by and im still up. for a while there i had my times organized and now its gone to shit again....

since i am up, i might as well write... let me tell you what happened in the last couple of days....

about a month ago in one of our sunday movies, my friend wan told me about an event that happened last year in sao paulo called "virada cultural". basically the city is on for 24hrs full of cultural events. djs, music, theater... u name it they have it. i thought it was unbelievable, and made sure to find out when the next one was... turns out it was going to be in jst a few weeks. we all prepared, made lists of who we wanted to see and geared up for the great event. there were more than 350 attractions!

we got there at abut 11pm and watched a rap group called "nacao zumbi", ive heard OF them since i got to brazil, bt never actually heard them, after about an hour we started venturing off... there were more than 80 stages through out the city, it was incredible!! the whole downtown sao paulo had turned into one great big show. there were people from all tribes, mixing in smiling at nothing... there was young and old, rockers and rappers, families together all walking through the city at 2 am. it was a beautiful site.

we walked around a bit, ate a bit, drank a bit... walked around a bit more... 6 am rolling around and we had plans to watch the 8 am band, that wan liked. so we stopped at the dance stage to see a dj and an african dancer with drums... amazing!!! right before the show was over i heard a very, very loud bum, and innocent as i am, i looked up to the sky looking for fireworks (!!!) little did i know the military police's trope of shock was about to attack us.

the show stopped, the artists were removed, and we see the troupe walking and stopping right in front of us and taking aim (!!!!!) people running everywhere, parents protecting their childresn, it was horendous! one guy walked up to the police with his arms raised saying "there is no threat here!" - upset they aimed to his left and shot a gas bomb, almost hitting this little old man who had taken refuge behind the bushes.

they huffed and puffed and shot, and shot, and shot again! there was nothing there! bt this is a country that is istill controlled by dictatorship in some units! and the military police is still in the dictarship regime.

they walked up a street and kept huffing, puffing and shooting... we walked the other way. as we walked i taked to people to try to find out what had happened: apparently the last show in the praca da se was a rap group called "racionais"- they are really hard core, and fuck the pOlice and all of that... so tehre were a couple of kids on top of the newspapers hut, somewhere in the middle there was something and the police came in shock troupe in hand and started shooting. this led to vandalization of public property, and lots and lots of chaos.

geographically speaking, this happened in the very top north of the map, i was at the very south of the map, the police instead of containing the rage, and controling it, dispersed these mad lunatics all around, and as they dispersed, so did the shock troupe, bringing the whole celebrating to a sad but very abrupt hault.

on sunday our very own and only source of BIASED information REDE GLOBO, said that it all happened because of a song this group sang, but youtube.com will tell u otherwise. in the middle of all the rage the band stopped, asked the people to stop otherwise they would not continue, so the public complied, once all had stopped you can hear the bombs go off for absolutely no reason, and hence havoc started!

its a shame that this event had such a bad outcome, as i was so happy i could be part of it. since i lived abroad all my life, i would always say "in ny we have..." , "in london...." , "in paris...." - and this was my chance to tell people from other parts in the world about one of the BIGGEST cultural events ive ever been!

it was a great event and i hope they continue. i think the big mistake was in the schedules for these particular bands... if i know this group/band/ singer- whatever... might cause trouble, then i would simple open with them at 6pm... there is no need to take them out, bt jst rethink the startegy... now u know this will cause trouble and u place them at 4 am in an open space... the "chaos kids" probably startaed drinking early and u keep them there the whole time... u are asking for trouble!!!

if you want to find out more go to
www.youtube.com search: virada cultural 2007

or www.viradacultural.com.br



thats it for now.........

visual poluition in sao paulo

pois eh...

in the year of 2007, brazilian government prohibited visual poluition in sao paulo...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonydemarco/sets/72157600075508212/comments/#comment72157600176561253 - to see the pictures of a naked sao paulo

we must remember one thing: brazil was a dictatorship until the 1980's! my mom voted for the first time when she was well over her 30's!!! we had the DOPs which was a part of the government to protect what was being said and written in the newspaper, tvs and radio station... we must not forget the hundreds of thousands that died during this time. many more were sent away to somewhere in europe, to come back after the dictatoship had ended.

power like this for a government, in a country where the population is : ESTIMATE FOR 2006- 188,078,261, and only 2% of that actually have the chance to attend an university is DANGEROUS. a country that elected a similar president to represent the people... our president does not have the 5th grade!!!!!!!

my comment on flicker

"it is a shame to see the naked city left behind. i agree that there was too much visual poluition, bt there are 20 million other things that need to fixed in a city like sao paulo, and the evryday advertising is one that could be fixed later. its not jst taking out billboards, they are not even allowing store owners to have the name of their stores in front!

we have more problems such as sidewalk sellers, including FOOD which is by no mean up to code with hygene.. why dont we fix that first???

the buses let out a great big black cloud of poluition that is not doing anyone any good in breathing it! our buses are 10 years old, they fall appart as they drive to the city...

can u imagine japan or time square without its adornments??????

we must be very careful...

the wood that burned the fire

bom dia dardo!

espero q vc tenha tido um otimo feriado!

acabei d chegar d viagem, devo estar chegando por volta de 11am. vc
estara na produtora?

gostaria tb que vc agendasse um minutinho para podermos conversar
sobre o nda, contrato, salario e email da intuit filmes, pois gostaria
de aproveitar essa semana q ja eh curta ao maximo. tenho uma lista de
pessoas q pesquisei que ja gostaria de entrar em contato o mais rapido
possivel.

tb entrei em contato com o pessoal de recife, esta rolando umas coisas
legais la da parte cultural, quem sabe possamos fazer parte.

abraco

gia

DISCLAIMER

I NEVER SIGNED AN NDA AGREEMENT

this is only my perception of this man who i gave 5 days of my hard wrk for free... in hope that he was a corret man, with a good running company, who gave me an NDA agreement to sign to cover his ass, which i come to find out it is not. he owes his assitant 2 mths salary- R$800 ( 400 dollars)- a man who wants to open a business and have people working for him.

we had never discussed salary, or payment, this is why i sent an email, that will be posted, asking to: DISCUSS SALARY.

all i want to do is to remember this, so i learn, and if someone passes by, and reads i hope this will be a lesson for them to learn from me without having to go through it!

the email

Oi Gia,

Tomo a liberdade de enfatizar que se nao nos focarmos nas prioridades – acoes/atitudes – (as quais definimos em nossa primeira reuniao – ver "Lista de Prioridades") que tem por objetivo obter resultados concretos de fluxo de caixa positivo no curto prazo, voce se sentira desmotivada para qualquer outra atividade e em breve estara a procura de outro emprego que te remunere condizentemente para o seu sustento.

Como disse desde o inicio, nao podemos te pagar um salario, nem mesmo ajuda de custo no inicio de nossa colaboracao, porem colocamos a sua disposicao nosso conhecimento da atividade que exercemos, nossa rede de contatos, e nosso patrimonio: 10 filmes que produzimos, e quase outros 40 filmes que temos a disposicao para distribuicao.

Se voce assim optar, em trabalhar conosco, voce faz seu cronograma de trabalho, usa seu proprio computador e telefone, voce trabalha onde voce quiser (– obvio que se trabalharmos no mesmo ambiente a sinergia do grupo e os resultados serao obtidos mais rapidamente, e seremos mais produtivos.)

Gostaria tambem de enfatizar que nao procuramos "empregados", e sim "socios" (partners), pessoas empreendedoras, que acreditem na sua propria capacidade intelectual, e dispostas a correrem o risco de se tornarem socias de uma empresa, na qual exercam atividades que escolheram de livre vontade, e que as executem com prazer e nao "como obrigacao". Nao acreditamos que "mau-humor" colabore num ambiente de trabalho onde se encontram pessoas que decidem por si proprias (que ninguem decidam por elas) o que querem da vida. Estamos reunindo um grupo de pessoas que decidem seus proprios destinos.

Felizmente e privilegiadamente fazemos aquilo que gostamos, sentimos prazer – portanto nao "trabalhamos", apenas vivemos nossas vidas na sua maxima intensidade. A vida e curta e passageira e e um prazer e um privilegio apenas saber estar vivo.

Portanto, desculpe-nos pela franqueza, se nao for este seu objetivo, delicadamente sugerimos que nao venha trabalhar conosco, nao queremos nunca – jamais – tomar nada que seja seu – seu tempo – suas expectativas, sua capacidade de realizacao, assim bem como nao queremos ter entre nos pessoas que tirem o que e nosso – nossa credulidade, nossa confianca, expectativas, nossa capacidade, nossa rede de contatos, nossos filmes realizados e a realizar - repetindo, sugiro delicadamente – procure outra empresa onde possa realizar seu potencial e conte sempre conosco como seu amigo.

Abraco carinhoso,

Dardo

its not always what it seems...

may 2, 2007
23:03
taaaa
e o auau???
taaaaaaaaaa
hahaha
vc nao sabe!
nao
hahahaha
ele tinha o chip
obvio!
ahhh q bom!!!!!!
achou os donos entao>
?
encontrei o numero da pessoa e dentro de duas horas o cara disconnected his phone
huh??????
como assim????
ele jogu o cachorro fora?????????????????
nao to entendendoooooooooo
i called the ASPCA, i called animal control
and they told me to bring the dog in
ihh nun aceitou?
aceitei!
nao ta indo
it syas connecting
agente nao falou outro dia
de novo
manda de novo
nao ta abilitado pra ligar
nos nao conversamos outro dia?????
desguiouuuuuu
tenta d novo
connecting....
nao
desligpou desse lado.... qndo eu aceito a ligacao cai
23:10
ta mais e dai eles nao tem endereco do cara??? nada???
falando que voce nao ta mandando video

eh q oseu eh pc ne?
bom checgeui no aspca and it ends up that the guy adopted him on april 14th, lost him, came back and now LOST HIM AGAIN!
c tem q baixar o skype
www.skype.com
what do u mean lost him 2 times????? is he on heavy drugs or something?
who knows
but i made sure they do not give him the dog again
meu deus nao acredito
of course obviously he cant take care of him
ai q dooooooooooooooo
yep
anyway he is very sweet so he will find a good home
i hope so
o shelter eh akele q mata em x dias ou eles ficam com os auaus la???
nao
23:15
?
its humane
ahh ta
isso eh bom
vai la falar com a mamis
ela vai sair ja
eh ela ta cansadinha
23:20
eu tb... minha cabeca esta zureta de tanto rodar
rodar?
c baixou o skype????
nao
grrr
to trabalhando

ahhhhh
amanha promess
ok so...
?
vou te contar a estorinha do comeco.........
ta conta!!!
ah algumas semanas atras fui ver um filme low budget, de um brasileiro q mora em ny, fiz contato com o cara e ele disse q estava abrindo uma filial da produtora aki, e me convidou pra ir tomar um cafe e conversar com ele na "produtora" - le- se: 1 sala, 1 mesa, 4 cadeiras- 1 telefone VoIP q so faz ligacao pra ny
sentamos pra conversar ele perguntou o q eu fazia eu disse produtora de set, mas no momento estava involvida com uma ferramenta de rastreamento de campanhas virais pela internet..
ah legal--- sim legal...
ta
ok, eu entendi... entao como vc sabe estou trazendo a minha produtora d ny pra sao paulo, e tenho muito trabalho a fazer, estou realmente precisando de uma pessoa "all around" como vc- preciso fazer distribuicao d + ou - 50 filmes, preciso tb de uma coordenadora de producao pois estamos fazendo um piloto pra tv series, q comecaria aki no brasil e deposi c passa em ny
nossa q otimo
vc esta interessada???
...
sim logico! q legal... e como seria entao... ah ok, eh melhor q vc venha aki na produtora- Le-se: mesa retangular com uma cadeira baixa... para q tenhamos uma "sinergia" legal
ah ok...
oh oh
i smell something fishy
go on
legal... no fim d semana/ feriado ele entupiu minha caixa postal com 60 emails eu trabalhei o feriado inteiro fiz contatos, markei reunioes... mas ate entao nao tinhamos falado d salario...
entao hj d manha mandei um email pra ele dizendo q gostaria d discutir algumas coisas com ele inclusive o NDA, meu contrato e salrio
chegando la, a assistente dele chegou e me contou q ela nao recebe ja a dois meses, o cpf dele nao esta valido aki no brasil e a firma d ny ta com problemas d taxes
hmmm can we say "oh- oh!!"""
no we may indeed say ohhhh shit
OH MY GAWD
MOFO
qual o email q ta mais facil pra vc receber agora???
gmail
tatiana.ricano@gmail.com
so i sat with the assitant... novinha 2nd ano de faculdade- fazendo filme.. bla bla bla- super esperta e super meiga, e ela me contou todos os podres- ou pelo menos os q eu precisava saber...
o cara eh um looooooser total
to lendo
esse email q eu te mandei, ele NAO me mandou- ele escreveu no word, pediu para q eu sentasse na frente do computador dele e lesse
QUE>
eh q ele deu uma escapada e eu me emailed
QUE??
JURO
ele e louco?
hahahahahahahahahaha
to lendo
vc devia ter mandado da caixa dele!
tava no owrd nao tinha tempo pra ficar procurando programa
arghhhhhhhhhhh
la foi 5 fias d trampo sem um puto e colokei a mairo correria nos meus contatos... eh isso q eu fico puta
agora o pior eh q como vc pede uma Exec Distributor / Production Coordinator com experiencia e nao paga????????
e o que vc falou???
qual foi sua cara pra ele?
what the fuck?!?!?!
vai dizer que ele vive de que prazer?
como oagas as contas dele? o custo de vida? BULLSHIT!
eu disse q eu era experiente e tinha bons contatos, mas a nao ser q ele pudesse me remunerar d alguma forma, nao iria poder ajuda-lo pois meu gasto diario so d transporte e comida eh d 25 reais-
ele que pessoas vibrantes com ideas novas e fresh, roba e depois da essa carta
i have a feeling this is his game and its not the first time
sem contar celular e dispesa d tranporte para reunioes etc... entao desculpe...
pois eh
its easy for him to build his business like this, stealing people's vibrancy and thats why they are so "vibrant"
o bom eh q eu sou macaca velha
of courrrse
cancel everything you did
all the meetings, undo all the contacts fuck him!
seriously don't let him get away with it
e da pra ver q ele so quer tirar vantagem... pq teria diversas coisas q ele poderia me oferecer- tipo ah td bem trabalha em casa e distribui os filmes entao- c fechar contrato com um cinema t dou x % do box office
23:40
ah sim mas nao dei nenhum dos meusa contatos pra ele
isso
seria uma reuniao de apresentacao dele
quer dizer o nome dele ja esta na merda com o pessoal d producao e distribuicao d sao paulo
sem contar q as panelinhas aki sao foda
como em todos os lugares
make sure you clear your name and any association with thim!
now all i want to know is this: where do these scavengers crawl from??????
send that letter to all the contacts you made and say unfortunately the deal XXX i contacted you about will not go through, fortunately for us we will not lose anything by finding this out early on
ja mandei
they come from everywhere, every race, color.. tis is the worls
world
next time, contract first, work later!
and u move on, this is another experience you gained
eh q producao eh foda... eu estou acostumada a lidar com pessoas corretas
UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!
u have to blog about this!
e o q eu falei eu sou macaca velha... enato nao foi nada pa mao dele... gaora sinto pena do proximo "estagiario" le-se ESCRAVO q vai fazer um monte d coisa esperando mundos e fundos e o cara eh um looser
i will

this is how the world does business... can we change that???

beware!

if i ever...

get married, it will be a very small reception
have kids, i will fill its tiny brains with useless information and cultures, because its only useless if you never use it...
find myself in a stable financial situation, when people come to me i will never take advantage

i will always let my heart guide me, bt my mind will make the decision

... my living testament of me

a poem by mummy

Thamara, my 30 years wonder!


It's very easy to say Happy Birthday!
Hard is to feel what is said!
So, I want you to receive in you heart
The meanings of what I say!

It's a wonder to me
that the little baby you were
30 years ago
now is this wonderful person that happens to be
my little baby of 30 years ago!

I followed every step you gave
With wonder and amazement
While your little feet took you
Sometimes in strait lines, sometimes
in mazes!
Sometimes still,
they did't even hold you at all!
But, I was there to catch you
If and only if
You couldn't hold yourself upright!
and every single time
you surprised me
getting up e getting around!

Playful, joyful, happy reason of my life!

Wowwwwww!
Wonderful baby!

Wowwwwwwww!
Wonderful child!

Wowwwwwwwwww!
Wonderful teenager!

Wowwwwwwwwwwww!
Wonderful woman!

I'm the proudest mother,
alive or dead,
this Universe has!

I'm sure so many applied
and I have no idea
what you found on my resume
but,
that you choose me
for this job
it's beyond !

Thank you for the chance you gave me at Motherhood!
Your birth and life made me complete!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I love you!

Mummy

it is official

im am officially 30 today... have been for a few hours now... it was a grrrreeeeeat birthday!

in my post graduate course we are studying the convergence of medias... my grandmother is from 1923, unfortunately blind, but it was still a kick to watch her speaking to my mom on ichat, i wonder if she could see what she would understand of it. brazil firts television set was in the 1950's!
i think this bday party was the best ive ever had. and the one that will be strongest. i wore my mom's 30th bday dress. my mom from ny could see my 84 year old grandmother via internet.

i had old friends, borrowed uncles and aunts, real uncles and aunts, cousins and new friends, possibly a soon to be new boyfriend also made his mark towards the end of the party... we sang happy bday as i sat on my grndmothers lap, and mom sang along in ny.

i always had a problem with bday parties. my bday is right next to a long bank holiday, so people never came to my parties. only one person who i really wanted to be here dint show... im still pretty mad about that as he chose do go to another party after promising me hed be here... ill get over it!


so this is it... im finally here! ive been waiting to be here for a long time.. im sure i will enjoy the thrities to its full potencial!

and so it is said to us, since we can understand the meaning of words mouthed by someone with age "one day u will understand"- and so i do... with less than 2 weeks for my new revamped, updated version 3.0 i do understand... not much, but it unveiling itself... life

it seems to take forever, the oh so wanted "age 30". finally here. finally an adult, finally responsible to eyes of the world... does that really mean anything??? i guess well see!!

empty grey

today is grey, grey and wet
full of smog
a lonely day

i watch the rain wash the streets, as i think of a lost day

my cat sleeps on her back, paws outstreched and her white and grey belly

wow! just saw a movie based on play called "bang, bang you're dead". had no idea what it was, bt i saw the high school scenes and got sucked me in. i hated high school... i hated the clicks, and the jocks, and the school band... i hated everything about high school. girls that got up 2 hrs ealier just so they could curl their hair (heheh funny times- 90's). i hated lunch in the cafeteria, i hated gym in the gymnasium, i hated home room, i hated the theater, i hated it. i hated so much i quit 2 mths before graduating. nobody understands the growing pains of high school, unless u felt like me. no one could understand the pain of having to face those people everyday... until u give up. if u were not part of something u must have felt jst like me. there are many ways to give up, and this play/ film is exactly about that. its about "outcasts" jst trying to make it thru the day.

everything was upside down, it was extrememly hard for me then, even though i never noticed. my parents had jst separated, i had moved to a new city started a new school, where i knew absolutely not one person in the city ANYWHERE!!!! i was completely oblivious to all this- obvious- as i was jst trying to make it thru the day. my mom had a really hard time getting me out of bed, so i went and id usually hang out in the delli right in front of school, eat pizza, drink coke and smoke cigarrets. then the bell rang and id go home. funny how the simple act of crossing the street and going into school was just sooooo hard.

i ended up finding a 'whole" in the system. we had what they called "mini- school" which was for "...students who have the intelectual ability to achieve but who have dealt with daily stressors..." furthermore "... Mini-School offers an opportunity to turn past failure into futer success. -(and this is my favorite part)- Its staff is commited to supporting these extraordinary individuals" hahahahahahahahah... my only reason for joining is that i would only have to endure that place from 7am to 12pm, because they would take away library, homeroom and luch.... thast a whole 3 hrs!!! that i didnt have to withstand the pain. bt even that way, couldnt make it thru.

isnt it funny that at the ripe age of 15 you can already be called a failure????? and how funny is it that when we become adults, there are no more things like outcasts... we have excentric people... and this is a kicker- THEY have a click, and if u r "normal" and have the new hair do, and wear the new stiles... u r probably not part of their click!

i spent 3 years at my high school but i cant remember one single person... except tati and fernada both brazilians and im sure we would have met somewhere else- queens is really not that big- everyone else is jst a blur, a complete blur 3 years of my life blured. no fond memories, no moments... nothing! i did learn my study method there, but it was only because i was caught cheating and had to memorize the whole test for the next day, so i finally came upon the way my brain wrks. its not like i dodnt try... i wanted to be a part, i tried out for the wrestking team, thatw as pretty fun, but i coulnt compete because tehre wasnt another girl anywhere in the state. i tried running, but they wouldnt let me sprint... there was no pool so i couldnt swim, and no gymnastics- that wasnt cool anymore... so i became the so feared outcast. i do remember one great moment that i almost got suspended or maybe i did.. i have to check with my mom...

ive always been a tshirt, jeans and boots kind of girl, and back then i was the female version of james dean- without the drugs/alcohol ( taht came later)- so i wore a white t, 505 levis and lugz combat boots plus jeans jacket, always! i hate bras, i have always will, so i never wear them, unless its extreeeemely necessary. i had one home ec teacher, that pulled me out of class, and said that if i did not wear a bra for her next class, i would not be allowed in... hahahahaha that was all the amo i needed, i got really mad at her, said something about womens right and the burning of the bras... so the following week i wore my bra outside my shirt, this is the part where i may or may not have been suspended... hey... she never said how i should wear it, all she said is that if i was not wearing one i wouldnt be allowed in... hmm i guess ive never been easy on the teachers! i should really reevaluate my thinking of becoming one...

its again 6am and yes im still up... and im felling a little off on the writting... so good morning, good afternoon and good night!

thoughts on technology

i read a book a couple of years ago about digital cinema, it talked about how it would be a great change and how everything was set to wrk, bt people were reluctant about itbecause they would have to change the way of distributing and viewing... or something like that, it was pretty technical, bt very intersting. and it seems that the future is closer than we think.

its amazing how fast things are online nowadays. last year my mom told me about the new series DEXTER, and i ended up seeing it all online, from downloads. this year things are even easier, HEROES has already made it possible for people living in the US to download the show after its been on tv, i guess with all the tivo fever they are not really missing much, as a matter of fact they end up reaching even more people, because u can always download it, put it in ur ipod and watch ur favorite shows on the subway on ur way to wrk... so u no longer need to be in front of the tv set to watch tv... tv is now on everywhere...

i just recently found out how to put the videoson my ipod, i have a trip coming up and im saving a couple of things to watch on journey... that should make the time go by fast and easy... as opposed to have to pull out my laptop, ill sjt sit there with the ipod and be fine. i live in brazil at the moment, its not like we can walk around with these gadgets without calling attention to ourselfs, so the ipod is a great option. in london i used to work on my laptop in the tube, on my way in and when i came home, i had an hour to kill and it was best to do it on the tube then when i got home... i guess the worse part of all this is that now u really dont have the option to jst relax anymore, because u can virtually work from anywhere... and this last mention being also the positive side of it. whats to come??? who knows.....

30 in 30

its oficial... in 30 days i will be 30!

finally my age is becoming me! i cant wait!!!!! i think the last time i was so happy to have a bday was my 21st. i longed to be able to go to bars and order a beer, or go to clubs and actually be able to get in because I COULD, and not get in jst because the hounds at the door would let me in in hopes of gettin' a little sometn' sometn'...

30! wowooooooow!!!! and jst to think that ill have a whole 10 yeasr to be 30!

30!!! this will be great, i think from 30 on people tend to look at u and either like or dislike as opposed to trying to mold u into what they want, so its either: "she is cool, in her 30s, does this, has traveled there..." OR its: "shes 30, traveled, lived in different countries so she is a bitch and thinks she knows it ALL." it was only this past new year i decided to cut off advice from people.

i decided that i have acumulated enough wisdom from everyone else on how to be ME, and from now on i will jst be. not that i think changing is wrong... i love changing, i think changing is great! there was a song in the nineties that said something like this "jst when u think u got me figured out, the season is already changing" ( wow u really r getting older when u quote things fand say i.e seventies, nineties!)- bt wait!!! i jst realized i can make that sentence even better: in the last millenium we had a son that said... hehe thats cool!- anyway back to the brain spasm. so seasons change. i change as the season do, bt before i use to worry about what everyone thought of me, because i wante dto please everyone, so people would say i was loud, and id would agree that indeed i am, and i would try not be too loud aorund them. other said that i was agressive, so id try to me a little less agressive around them. my last straw was this crazy (really... she was not right in the head) portuguese girl i lived with in london.

after i moved in with her i realized that no ONE had the right to judge and say anything about me, because they had no IDEA who i really was, and whenever they judged me, they would always judge from THEIR perspective, from the little tid bits that they collected, so how could this be a true judgement? and when i say judgement i dont mean it in a bad way, because i really did listen to most comments about my behaviour, bt i believe that now my character has been formed, what i will do from now on is jst "fine tune" it.

anyway, this girl was 37, married twice, divorced twiced, said she had a degree in philosophy and one in administration and yet there was not ONE single book... not even a cheap soft cover daniele steel novel laying around the house... i never even saw her read the neighborhood paper! i never saw her diploma anywhere in the house... and i met her in a brazilian bar in london while working ilegally as a bartender, because that was the only place that would hire me without papers. being subjected to £20 a shift of almost 13 hrs- i kid u not!- plus 5% of the cash u rang in the night, not counting tips, there were none to be counted, im sorry to the british readers but u guys have no concept of of what tipping means! i would make 16 caipirinhas in 3 minutes flat for £40 (2 for 1 happy hour) and they would not leave one penny!!!! so of course i had to learn how to cheat the register if i was going to be able to pay rent (£600), transportation (£90) and food for the mths to come. oh yeah and the funny part, they also deducted taxes, even though i had no number for that money to go into... hmmmmm- so a red flag should have really went up there... because why would a philosophy/ adm EUROPEAN graduate put herself in that position?

anyway, after i made that decision, i think my brain has been working a lot more, because as it was before i would simply let people tell me things and work on it, and now i have to pay attention to the feedback im getting in order to change things. and i guess that is what happens when ur baggage starts to get heavy... u have to leave some things behind.

anyway... its 5.30 am again, and im still awake, again!

ammendment to american dream

i jst checked wikipedia again for america dream.. and it been re- written

The American Dream is a subjective term usually implying a successful and satisfying life. Perceptions of the American dream are usually framed in terms of American capitalism, its associated purported meritocracy, and the freedoms guaranteed by the U.S. Bill of Rights. The term is not easily defined, and has subjective meaning to many who claim it. The term is used by many modern Americans to signify success in life as a result of hard work (as in, "living [or pursuing] the American Dream").


hmmm... do u think someone revolted agiand drug sex and rock n roll?????

seek and you shall find it

if all present girlfriends of men i dated, fucked, had sex with and made love to satrted calling me to find out where i knew their boyfriend/husband/ fiancee from i probably wouldnt have time to be writing on this blog. but that is exactly what happened today, i met with the present girlfriend of an old affair.

she found my contact in his "stuff" as explained in the email she wrote to me 3 weeks ago. at first i read the email and thought to myself... oh god, look at this looser.. i didnt even remember who the guy was and she had obviously looked very hard in all the odd places to find me an ex affair from 2005... i wasnt going to write back, bt for some reason i did, and assured her i had nothing to do with him for a long time, we exchanged our msn names and started chating online, which led to todays meeting. it was brief bt it was nice... i still cant imagine what she was doing with him, as an old friend used to say i have terrible taste in man, i can pick out a looser from a mile away. i only went out with him a couple of times and he had led me to believe he wanted a girlfriend, when he already had one- her- so one morning i got up earlier, went to the bakery and bought a feast for breakfast, and i thought wake him up with a breakfast worthy of a king, have a little quickie and id be off to school, and him off to work. alas, bt he did not answear... worse the doorman called he answeared and told the doorman to tel me "he is not home"

i was livid!!!!!! what?? did he not know i was standing right there when the doorman rang? so i kept calling him ever 2 minutes until he answeared, finally at 11 am, he tells me "well talk about it later" then i incarnated the psyco... u know... we all have guy friends that tells us the "psyco girl" story, so in this one i was the psyco. i was so upset! i must have really sounded like a crazy woman... i remember i even threatened him.

so here is what i take from it, on my end ive always been very impulsive, i do first think later... in this case if i had not had the impulse to surprise him, this guy could have led me on for weeks... even mths! it was a great relationship, we saw each other during the week a couple of times and on weekends id take off to the beach, so he never had to worry about the saturday date.

on her end: i think she did the right thing, she found a lead and researched and proved her suspicions. i think more girls should take her inniciative.

ten years ago

i was uselessly surfing the net and came upon an article with this title, and it got me thinking... where was i 10 years ago... my parents had separated, i had been in the states for a couple of years and was now behaving as a regular american teenage girl. i had moved from the windy city to the big apple, i had already had my first puppy love with aaron from michigan, whom i met at six flags great adventure, who used to drive to chicago every weekend so we could walk hand in hand and go to carnivals...

i had a long term boyfriend and lost my virginity, i had cleaned offices with a friend on weekends for 20 bucks so we could spend it all in one afternoon in the city, i had scooped summer refreshment in your nearest 31 flavors, i had already gotten drunk for the first time on 40 ounces driving around new york city with a girl i met at the pool hall i used to go to when i cut class. i had worked for a perveted brazilian man- a brazilian general i think, owner of "brazil update", who would "grab my ass and tits"** and try to kiss me, i had finally realized that to study for a test i had to use the repetitive study system. i had given up on the american system and droped out of school- to my mom's great displeasure.

i had worked as a bartender and dancer in a topless bar in queens. i had bought my first car: a used white jeep wrangler, 1988- license plate GOLD, same as my stage name. and i had fallen completely in love with the bar manager, whom i used to tease with a raggae song "im love with a man who is nearly twice my age". i had rented my first apartment and furnished my way. i went back to school.

10 years ago... i had never thought of the future, 10 years ago i wanted to be an adult... i rushed so i could get there. i paid my bills, i worked, i fell im love and i was reckless. 10 years ago...

10 years ago i was 19.

sometimes it feels like more, most times it feels like yesterday... as time goes by whole years are just moments. once second that you blinked.. gone, now it belongs to the PAST, this entity that takes control... and now, 10 years later im still looking to the future with the same wide eyes, the same hope, the same childshness i hope never to loose!


** the reason for that term is because that exactly what it felt like.. dont know what it happened to him, i never denounced him because i was in the country illegally and was afraid theyd find out and ship me back, so i didnt want to say anything...

1st day of class

i had enrooled in a class for a post graduate course that had NOTHING to do with me.. international commerce... jst so id find something to do while i wait for my immigration.. i went to 2 classes and felt completely lost.. i felt like an alien!!!! stuffed up suits and people talking about filling out 300 forms to get something imported and exported... huh???? no idea what they were talking about... so i found out there was a new course in communication and media opening and trafered.. today was the first day.

class was great i was back in my enviroment, about 10 people, the 2 professors we had today were great, completele out of their rminds, just how a professor such be, i say!

i tried to follow my moms life long advise to be invisible.. i arrived early, sat outside for a bit listening to my ipod, found out where the class was, smoked my cigarret and went in to the buildng. when i arrived i knew instantly i was in the right class, a tattoed guy sitting in the back, a couple of people chatting away excited everyone mingling. i sat down still with my ipod on, and tried to jst take everything in and observe my class mates, the professor walks in and starts talking... it wasnt too long before i started putting in my two scents... well it ends up I AM in the right place, the professor asked for each of us to say who we were, what we did, and what we expected of the class... he left me for last!!!!! what an exercise of inner patience! although i dont think i did very well as i did but in on everyones bio... but sindce we all belong to the same "tribe" they were all pretty nice with me...

the second professor was really great, she instantly called me anxious.. and well shes not wrong, but we hit it off, i explained to her what my plans are for the class and it seems like she will be a great help... bt its 2.30am and i got up at 5 am... so i going to pass out...

the new beginning

my mom enrolled me in a grammar school, after waiting patiently for 3 weeks for this lady who was supposed to be a friend. she would tell us the holloween was VERY dangerous and not to let me go trick or treating, she would also teach us to bathe with dove DISHWASHER liquid.. at that tme the liquid soap didnt exist, bt i dont think dishwasher liquid was intended for body use... from what i remember our skin cracked like fine china.

i started in 7th grade, somewhere between september and ocober of 1990. my homeroom teacher was mr blackman. i loved him! he looked like gemini cricket from pinoquio. he was this tiny sweet little old man, who loved teaching science. he took us to a lab called fernilab, somewhere in the outskirts of the city. my first day of class was horrible... he sat me down next to herminia who was mexican, because he thought she could help me thru the class, bt i remember she was a CUNT.. she would give me the wrong home work, and ignore me when i asked her what he was saying... i wonder what ever happened to her.

i soon found other people who were kind to me, and werent bothered that i couldnt understand everything they said, they were happy to gesticulate and say the words slowly, spell them or write them out to me to make sure i understood... with those people i still keep in touch. funny enough i have been finding them all over the internet.

the first friend i made was irina, she was from russia and lived in the next block from me, we were sort of in the same situation, immigrants from immigrant parents living in a small apartment and trying to adjust to the changes... its funny, now that i look back in movies of kids trying to "survive" high school... they had no idea how hard it really is... then there was kelly. she was the crossing guard, so i became a crossing guard to hang out with her, wed get up ealier than everyone else, get breakfast at school, help with a few duties in the cafeteria and go off to the street to help the little kids cross. she would teach english while we worked. i remember one day being realy cold, and i didnt know "freezing" i knew cold, and i said something to the effect "im ice" and she couldnt stop laughing, and then she nicked named me rudolph, because my nose would always get very red when we were out. and last but not least carmen. we met in 8th grade, she was from the other class, she was portuguese, the first person from another country i would meet... besides all the americans.. they didnt count because i was living in their country... anyway, carmen and i were really great friends, we were like sisters sown at the hips, where ever she went i went. it was us against the world and the fact that we spoke portuguese helped alot, whenever we wanted to say something wed say in portuguese, not to be so rude, sometimes wed speak pig latin in portuguese with some english words thrown in, or vice- versa... we had a lot of fun... i met aaron with her at great adventure... ahhh first love

maps and train schedules/ live cargo

my mom was trying to figure out how to get us across the border, now that our visa was officially denied. when we went to the consulate in canada they stamped our passports "DENIED ENTRY TO THE US", and said that the reason was that if u r planning to vist more than one country u MUST apply for the visa from ur HOME country.

dad had rented an apartment and was working in a jewellery store, while mom sat night on end, burning the midnight oil, looking for ways we could cross the border- yes, ilegally- she had studied the times, the distances, the track, the masp, the geography... the plan was made, i guess my swimming could be incorporated as "resistance trainning". somehow my dad found someone, who knew somebody else, who had a cousin, that had a brother that brought their son with a "coyote" across the border. $1500 a head, like cattle.

its not like we had a choice... we had nothing left in brazil, our life was in the states. we would cross the border n a lonelly starry night with 10 other heads, we would separate into different cars, and we would be dropped off in our doorstep in the newfound land!

..."O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man's avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!"...

so here i am 13, in a country that is not mine, hearing sounds that i cannot speak, in a 1 bedroom apartment. frozen with curiosity and the cold winds of a city that needs no introduction. everything was foreing to me and yet i was called the foreigner, my posessions: 1 hight top new balance, 1 low top new balance (both grey and pink); 2 sets of jogging suits- end of the 80's i was stylin'; 3 t-shirs. the rest of the 2 sutcases were moms favorite pairs of shoes and purses and a few outfits... including one funky royal blue overcoat that i loved!


we never expected to go home. america was now our HOME.

the american dream...

"The American Dream is a subjective term usually implying drug overdoses and a sex filled life. Perceptions of the American dream are usually framed in terms of American capitalism, its associated purported meritocracy, and the freedoms guaranteed by the U.S. Bill of Rights. The term is not easily defined, and has subjective meaning to many who claim it. The term is used by many modern Americans to signify success in life as a result of hard work (as in, "living [or pursuing] the American Dream")."


wikipedia is turning out to be one of my favorite sites... only loosing to google... when i was little i used to say my mom was a walking encyclopedia, she jst knew all sorts of "seemingly" useless information.
there is a song that a great singer interprets, ellis regina, brazilian- death by overdose 1982- the song is called "como nossos pais" translated to "like our parents", wanting it or not that is what we are, the best the worse, bt we are.

after finding that definition to the amrican dream i guess i can prodly say we were by definition a brazilian family living the american dream. all of this happened in the eighties, so by definition is completely true. my parents brought me up in a very communicative household. my opinions always mattered, i always participated in family decisions and we always had an open communication to all subjects- i had no idea what taboo meant until my teenage years- little did i know my WHOLE LIFE was taboo...

mom never hid from me that my father used drugs, bt she didnt actually come out and say it, she also never, NEVER in any moment in time spoke ill words about him (love that... ill words), bt she did make sure i understood, and that i never judged. in doing so she was able to help me create the relationship i have with him today. my dad was never a DAD in the sense of the word. he never sat me down and petted my head and told me everything is going to be all right" - jst the opposite. i remember one time in school i did something bad, i think i threw a ball of paper at the teacher while he was turned around, and he threatened the class with zeros if the culprit didnt "appear", we had till friday to tell him who it was.

nobody in class liked the teacher, we all made fun of him, we all hated him, but when push came to shove they were all dying to say it was me, telling me i HAD to apologise. towards the end of the week one of the kids went by my father, as he waited outside to pick me up, and warned him that i should wear the helmet (my father always had motorcycles) to class because they were all going to throw rocks at me if i didnt come forward. so on friday, as i got off the bike, my dad hands me the helmet and wishes me luck!

i grew up with all sorts of people and cultures in the house. on my mom's side they are very strict, no cursing, very religious. on my dads side: YES SIR! my house was a mess... the doorbell would ring, and it was someone coming by to hang out and smoke a joint made out of the newest weed on the block with my dad. or my moms kookie friends that made "natural" clothing- hemp. these were pretty much my friends throught my young years.

so isnt it funny that we were already IN the american dream before actually going to america???

Def: Epiphany

Epiphany
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Epiphany may refer to:
Epiphany (feeling), a realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something or someone
Epiphany (Christian), the Christian feast commemorating the revelation of Jesus to humanity, specifically the visit of the Magi
Epiphany (browser), a web browser for Unix-like systems
In television:
Epiphany Johnson, a fictional character on the American soap opera General Hospital
"Epiphany" (Angel episode), an episode of the television series Angel
"Epiphany" (Stargate Atlantis), an episode of the television series Stargate Atlantis
"Epiphanies" (Babylon 5), an episode of the television series Babylon 5
"Epiphanies" (Battlestar Galactica), an episode of the television Battlestar Galactica
An episode of War of the Worlds (TV series)
An episode of the television series Spaced
In the arts:
A song by Bad Religion from their 2002 album The Process of Belief
A song by Staind from their 2001 album Break the Cycle
A story by author Connie Willis
A painting by Dutch painter Gerbrand van den Eeckhout


** i thought this was quite amusing- "a song by bad religion"

from one end of the stick to the other

so i realized, if i had the tiniest if tiny chances of actually doing this religiously i gotta be able to write at least "hi.. still alive" everyday, and since i had my epiphany recently i cant sleep i will take the time and do a short version of the last couple of years, later on ill do it in details... but for now here it is...

jst realized what i am going to do with my life.. i have decided, by my own sane (is that possible? ) mind, that i will follow on my parents footsteps- yes the hippie ones- my mom started at the praca da republica when she was a teenager, she used to make boxes covered in copper. she used to get to the art fair the night before so she could hold a good spot, shed crash there for the night with her bags tied around her body, so in the morning shed get the opening street to the fair... where all the "gringos" would come through first.

my dad used to wake up late on sunday morning walk around and finally get to my moms spot, a little chit chat here, a little chit chat there, and he would "make" my mom offer a space for him to showcase his things, flutes and totems made out of wood and bamboo.

more often than not officers would come by and confiscate her things. in those days there werent any legislation, laws or permits for showcasing on public streets, so it was illegal, she would drag herself to the station and plead with the police to return her belongings, saying that was how she made her money, and that she wasnt doing anything wrong, explaining to them how much money she had invested in it... so theyd make her pay a fine and she would have her stuff again. of course the fine she paid was based on a percentage of the material she had, they made a fortune off of her until she got smart and started telling them it was jst junk... worth nothing...

when they finally legalized the street/art fair my mom held a permit #4... and from then on they could never take her things again.

so here is how my epiphany happened: my parents worked at home, so i always had them around. my fathers studio was always at home, and we owned jewelery stores as well, so my days and nights were always spent with them doing things, cutting silver into shapes, rolling play- dough for my dad to set the stones for future pieces, polishing finished pieces, selling the pices at the store and the art fair. in the store i was in charged of making and serving coffee to the clients and always making sure the ashtrays were clean. for this i was paid, and i also got a percentage of the pieces i sold. all this i was still around 12!

my father ran his business like a general, and i was a hyper-active ADD(H) kid, so he would bark out orders to cut 100 leafs, moons, stars or whatever and i would get bored after about 10 of them... bt i couldnt stop, so i started loosing interest. as time went on i yearned for a normal life: a dad that would GO to work and COME home at a certain time, i wanted regular weekends, instead of waking up at 5 am to drive to the art fair. i wanted to play with my friends when i was vacation from school, and not be polishing the NEW COLLECTION pieces!!!

we lived on what the market brought us, sometimes it was really good and sometimes it was reeeeaaaalllyyyy bad, bt we survived, and i decided at some point that i didnt want to survive, i didnt want to be an "artist" i dint want anything to do with what they did! i was going to go out and be an executive, id wear a suit and punch a time card... i dondt want to worry about money all i decided i wanted was to do "a" job and get paid.

i couldnt run away from the "arts" so i graduated with a major in advertising/creation, 1st minor in marketing and propaganda and a third for graphic design. bt what i really love is film. last year when i went to london i wanted to be a director, so i packed my bags, with £200 in my pocket and the universal "Bank of Mom" on my side i bought a tkt to london and took off.

2 mths in london and i was "running" in productions, in the middle of all this i noticed id be a much better producer than i would be a director, so my focus changed.. and i was happy about it, i even got to produce a music video for a small time oxford band called "fell city girls" the song was "February snow"- and the guy who hired me never paid me for the job...

but ANYWAY..... 1 year went by and PLOFT! we get a letter from the US IMMIGRATION SERVICE, the long awaited response that i would be finally get an interview so i could return to ny- all this will be better explained in chapters to come- so back to Brazil i come to sit and wait. as i explained before i am hyper active so i cant really jst sit and enjoy the relaxing times, i NEEEEED to be doing something. i worked with the video production of viral commercials, and the production company i worked at is interested in bringing the business to brazil, viral are jst starting here and people have no idea of what it is, bt i believe in 2 years things will be very good here for the viral market... but anyway, i started looking for future clients, and while watching tv one day i saw an university offering "MBAs" in 6 mths... so i thought... hmmm how bad can it be? and enrolled in international commerce. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!????? first week ok, 2nd week homework, in order for me to understand 1 paragraph of the text i was reading i had to do a 3hr research on wikipedia and Google!!!! so i looked up in the guide and chose another theme, so now im studying communication and the media post graduate course.

**(my parents separated/divorced/ split-up (they were never married) when i was 13. my dad never once thought of doing anything else besides jewelery, and my mom went off to find odd jobs to make money- needless to say she had to give up who she was to have me with her, and she did. 14 years later she tells me she is starting a jewelery course 101, to learn the theory so she could return to her roots.)**

my younger cousin danilo is a bio-medic, he is jst finishing his masters, and he has a beautiful baby girl, i went to araras for her 2nd birthday party. there i met a boy (i use the term loosely) he must have been 20, who claims to be a "goldsmith"... im sorry, i dont think at 20 u can claim to be anything bt 20, unless u r a prodigy and started something at 5... bt thats jst my opinion. he says hes been in the business for 2 years.. so for me that is still apprentice stages, and he says hes going to italy to study more...

hmmmmmm......

2 days ago, my friend wan invited me to go a store opening at the mall. she worked for the owner for years and they still keep in touch, so we went. she introduced me to daniele, who studied "industrial design" which in Brazil is about drawings and working of engines and pieces... or something like that... and she has been working with jewellery for 2 years as well... so wan and i started thinking... all these people who have absolutely no background in this are going after.

the more logical thought: "my grandfather was a lawyer, if my father and uncles followed his career, it is very possible that today i would have been a lawyer, and would have inherited an office to run" my father IS a goldsmith, with tools, information, know-how to teach, if he doesnt teach me (only child) who is it going to go to?

that was the last time i slept... my epiphany had finally come to me. i traded the waters of the world, went off the beaten path, only to come back to the house i walked my first steps as a baby and will walk my first steps as a woman. the house where my parent set up their first studio in the back, the house that welcomed me during my university years, the house i came back to a few mths ago, after living in other peoples houses, sleeping in bed that werent mine, rooms that i tried to make mine with little pieces of me. the house that has my things, my pictures my memories is now also the house that will hold me up in my first steps of the new journey.

the idea is simple i will learn the basic stuff while im here... waiting... and once i get back we are going to do what we always did, wrk as a family- even though my parents are no longer together, they are very close, always have been always will be... I'm all they have, they are everything i have.

once im there, my dad already has a store space in soho, with a bench and tools. i have the discipline university thought me about how to put a project in action, mom is great with the accounting and managing, and we all create. i start my jewellery classes next week!

fast forward 1989

what i call: year of the dog

In 1989 Collor defeated Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva in a two round presidential race. He won in the state of Sao Paulo against many prominent political figures. The first democratically elected President of Brazil in 29 years, Collor spent the early years of his government allegedly battling inflation, which at times reached rates of 25% per month.
Shortly after taking office, Collor launched the "Collor Plan", which attempted to reduce the money supply by forcibly converting large portions of consumer bank accounts into unspendable government bonds, while at the same time increasing the printing of money bills, a contradictory measure to combat inflation. All accounts over 1200 Cruzeiros were frozen for 18 months. He also proposed freezes in wages and prices, as well as major cuts in government spending. The measures were received unenthusiastically by the people, though many felt that radical measures were necessary to reduce the constant inflation. Within a few months, however, inflation resumed, eventually reaching rates of 25% per month.
This strategy, many economists say, was in fact a cover-up for lowering the high public debt bill. The "confiscated" money had negative real interest rates while in the government's hands and this negative difference was indirectly used to significantly lower the Brazilian sovereign debt. Those economists state that lowering the high inflation was never the real first objective of the plan.
* information from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fernando_Collor_de_Mello

at this time i was 12, so i wasnt much into all this politics mumble jumble- not that i am now- but i remember it was very turbulent times... later on i would find many kids whose parents committed suicide, and went bankrupt because of Collor.

my father is a goldsmith, our economies would always be invested in dollars, gold, diamonds and rubies... i grew up with these stones laying around the house, and never really liked jewellery... most of our costumers were international, so my parents decided to tread other waters....

my dad went to canada right after my 13th birthday, mom and i stayed behind to finish things up, while dad set everything up on the other hemisphere of the americas.

i was in 6th grade, dad and i had been to canada in 88 i think- hahah.. that is a whole other post, that i will post but not now...

1989 from what i can remember was very confusing, and fast it feel like i woke up in brazil and went to sleep in chicago.

all of our asssets were tied up, i remember endless trips to the bank with my mom try to get money out, bt it was impossible. we ended up selling pur "worldly possessions", furniture in the house, cars, my fathers bench and all his tools, and still going to the praca da republica on sundays and trying to sell the jewellery my dad left behind.

and so it was time for the visa... the "oh so feared US VISA" which in our case, meant fear with capital letters, because of all the problems brazil was having, most tourist visas awarded that year ended up "not returning" so the consulate was now requiring all sorts of paperwork, to prove the petitioner for a TURIST visa was actually coming back to their country- hence fear- we were NOT in any way expecting to come back... i guesses that showed in our faces as our visa was denied within less than what a minute, it seemed!

since my godparents were in canada and i had already been to canada, my parents decided that wed go there and try another time from a consulate there.... WRONG on the money ... again!

we arrived in canada, and i remember my mom being completely in awe of the "automatic" gears, and the car SPOKE!!! in english no less!!!!!

at that time it was very hard for anything "imported" to get to brazil, so we were still living with all that was built on the "what the future will be idea" from the 1950s dictatorship era. canada was amazing!!! everything so clean, so pretty, so tall... buildings covered on glass- architecture in brazil is very hard looking, building with lots of cement, sort of art-deco, art noveau condensed. a large amount of buildings went up in the 1950s in sao paulo, and the most famous arquitect is to this date oscar niemeyer, who had great appreciation for all that u could do with cement. one of my favorite buildings by him is the COPAN in the downtown area of sao paulo.

it was now october or september 1989, my mom and i were "borrowing" my godparents apartment, they had gone ओं a vacation... my mom tried to keep me busy, and never let on to any of the problems she was having with trying to get us to the us. we found a "public pool" close to the apartment, and after i swam wed go to the mall and walk around and window shop, once we got back to the apartment my mom would dive in maps and train schedules, i played nintendo and watched tv.

my favorite show was "growing pains", my english wasnt very good but i remember that was the first time i actually had a crush in a boy.. little did i know we would see him in movies all over the place in the next 10 years- one of my favorites "basketball diaries" im not even going to mention the big blockbuster- lost all respect for him during that time- bt now his gaining my respect again...

back to 1989... we were still trying to find out how to get "the american dream"....

praca da republica

my parents were part of the hippie movement in brazil, every sunday we would go to sao paulo to showcase their products- handmade jewellery- we all worked on it it was a family business. but this story i was still to young to actually handle anything, so basically i just showed up.

this art fair happened in a public "park" in sao paulo. many great artist came from there. i must have been 2 or 3, and one of our friends had a daugter about my age. there was a duck pond near by and paulo the dad was going to take sabrina there and i wanted to go... but as it is commom of all male species, he wasnt very patient so he took off with sabrina before i returned from telling my mom where i was going. since i knew the place like the back of my tiny hand, i went off on my own looking for them and for the pond... hours later my mom yells across to them to ask about me and paulo pops his head out saying theyve been back for hours... u can imagine what happens next! mom tells me she was so worried and nervous that she ouldnt even remember what i was wearing! it was very commom in those years for people from the us and the uk to come to brazil and buy babies and children, my mom says she was offered all kind of money for me... obviously everything worked out fine, i found her or she found me, but later on a friend of ours mitty moved to the same street as us, and when he saw me he told my mom that i was walking around a few months back asking everyone "have seen mommy?" but he had no idea that she was the mommy!

mitty was our neighbour for next 10 years, and i grew pretty close to his crates... he made pocketbooks, wallets and belts, and i always fell asleep inside the crate he transported the ieces... i always loved the smell of leather!

today mitty sells his products in the shopping malls around sao paulo... the art fair no longer exists, but when i remember those were the happiest sundays!

younger years

i had all sorts of allergies, we jumped from doctors to doctors, until we found dr. luiz, a homeopathic doctor, at that time homeopath medicine was considered mumble jumble, but mom swears its what saved me. we had to move to a less poluted place because my organism couldnt process polution, i always had problem breathing... so we moved... all these years are kind of hazy as time goes on each year seems like one brief moment in time... but i do remember the first "bad thing" i did. we live in sao jose dos campos, close to where i was born, and i had a friend tatiana, i was always a tomboy.. instead of dolls i had remote controlled cars, and i was never delicate! tatiana on the other hand wore pink dresses and not only had barbies she had a barbie doll house! wow!!!!! so we were playing at home one day, and we decided we were going to tatianas house, we lived a couple of blocks away, so my mom would watch us leave and her mom would satnd guard at her house waiting for us to get there... we lived in an area that was still being built, so most houses were still under construction, and as with anywhere in brazil.. not very safe... so we went and played a bit then we decided to go back to my house... on our way back to my house we found one of those sand piles in front of one of the houses that were being built, so we decided to play.

the sun was setting but we didnt notice, not until i heard a very long and very far away yell... "thaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaaaraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" yes, it was my mom, we forgot about the time, and both our moms were roaming the neigborhood looking for us. i was always very tiny, when my mom finally reached us she was foaming at the mouth... she somehow grabbed my ancles, turned me upside down and hit my bottom a couple of times. and that was the first time i was grounded: no bicicle, no tv!

ever since that day anytime i heard that kind of yell it meant i was in trouble...

April 28th 1977- 11:55 pm/ Jacarei- SP/Brazil

so this is where it all starts!

my parents were hippies and they lived in a rural aarea about 1hr away from the city of sao paulo. im told i was a lazy baby and it took almost a whole day for me to want to come out... mom says it was a hard birth, the nurse had to prop herself on top of moms belly to help push me out. i had lack of oxygen and i imagine i must of came out looking pretty green... my thought i was going to look like a "johnson baby" she said awhen the nurse showed me to her she started to cry saying i was an ugly baby... well at least one mom in the world can be thruthful about how babies actually look!


i was a much awaited baby. first born to both families, first girl on my dads side for 4 generations... and that was the beggining of me as people know it!

1977 RETOSPECTIVE

Research LIFE

Almost 30
March 21, 2007

What happened that year in the world:

. Deng Xiaoping, purged Chinese leader, restored to power as Gang of Four is expelled from Communist Party (July 22)._

. South African activist Steve Biko dies in police custody (Sept. 12)._
Nuclear-proliferation pact, curbing spread of nuclear weapons, is signed by 15 countries, including US and USSR (Sept. 21). Background: nuclear disarmament_


US Economics

US GDP (1998 dollars): $2,026.90 billion
Federal spending: $409.22 billion
Federal debt: $706.4 billion
Median Household Income
(current dollars): $13,572
Consumer Price Index: 60.6
Unemployment: 7.1%
Cost of a first-class stamp: $0.13


Sports US:

Super Bowl
Oakland d. Minnesota (32-14)
World Series
NY Yankees d. LA Dodgers (4-2)
NBA Championship
Portland d. Philadelphia 76ers (4-2)
Stanley Cup
Montreal d. Boston (4-0)
Wimbledon
Women: Virginia Wade d. B. Stove (4-6 6-3 6-1)
Men: Bjorn Borg d. J. Connors (3-6 6-2 6-1 5-7 6-4)
Kentucky Derby Champion
Seattle Slew
NCAA Basketball Championship
Marquette d. North Carolina (67-59)
NCAA Football Champions
Notre Dame (11-1-0)


Entertainment:

. The TV miniseries Roots draws an audience of 130 million.
. Star Wars hits theaters--for the first time--and will go on to be the second highest-grossing film of all time.
. Saturday Night Fever sparks the disco inferno and the popularity of movie soundtracks.
. Elvis Presley dies at Graceland, his Memphis, Tenn. home. He was 42.
Movies
. Saturday Night Fever, Star Wars, Annie Hall, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Julia
Music
. Various artists, Saturday Night Fever soundtrack

Books
. John Cheever, Falconer
. Joan Didion, The Book of Common Prayer
. Stephen Jay Gould, Ontogeny and Phylogeny
. Kenneth Koch, The Duplications
. W.S. Merwin, The Compass Flower
Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon


Science

. The neutron bomb is developed. Background: nuclear weapons
. The space shuttle Enterprise makes its first test glide, from the back of a 747. Background: US Staffed Space Flights
. Paul MacCready (US) develops the Gossamer Condor, the first successful human-powered aircraft. Background: Famous Firsts in Aviation
Lasers are first used to initiate a fusion reaction. Background: nuclear energy


Deaths

. Charles Chaplin_
. Bing Crosby_
. Groucho Marx_
. Vladimir Nabokov_
Elvis Presley



**information from: http://www.infoplease.com/year/1977.html#world


TOP 100 MUSIC FROM 1977

1. Tonight's The Night, Rod Stewart
2. I Just Want To Be Your Everything, Andy Gibb
3. Best Of My Love, Emotions
4. Love Theme From "A Star Is Born", Barbra Streisand
5. Angel In Your Arms, Hot
6. I Like Dreamin', Kenny Nolan
7. Don't Leave Me This Way, Thelma Houston
8. (Your Love Has Lifted Me) Higher And Higher, Rita Coolidge
9. Undercover Angel, Alan O'Day
10. Torn Between Two Lovers, Mary MacGregor
11. I'm Your Boogie Man, K.C. and The Sunshine Band
12. Dancing Queen, Abba
13. You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, Leo Sayer
14. Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffet
15. Telephone Line, Electric Light Orchestra
16. Whatcha Gonna Do?, Pablo Cruise
17. Do You Wanna Make Love, Peter McCann
18. Sir Duke, Stevie Wonder
19. Hotel California, Eagles
20. Got To Give It Up, Pt. 1, Marvin Gaye
21. Theme From "Rocky" (Gonna Fly Now), Bill Conti
22. Southern Nights, Glen Campbell
23. Rich Girl, Daryl Hall and John Oates
24. When I Need You, Leo Sayer
25. Hot Line, Sylvers
26. Car Wash, Rose Royce
27. You Don't Have To Be A Star, Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr.
28. Fly Like An Eagle, Steve Miller Band
29. Don't Give Up On Us, David Soul
30. On And On, Stephen Bishop
31. Feels Like The First Time, Foreigner
32. Couldn't Get It Right, Climax Blues Band
33. Easy, Commodores
34. Right Time Of The Night, Jennifer Warnes
35. I've Got Love On My Mind, Natalie Cole
36. Blinded By The Light, Manfred Mann's Earth Band
37. Looks Like We Made It, Barry Manilow
38. So In To You, Atlanta Rhythm Section
39. Dreams, Fleetwood Mac
40. Enjoy Yourself, Jacksons
41. Dazz, Brick
42. I'm In You, Peter Frampton
43. Lucille, Kenny Rogers
44. The Things We Do For Love, 10cc
45. Da Doo Ron Ron, Shaun Cassidy
46. Handy Man, James Taylor
47. Just A Song Before I Go, Crosby, Stills and Nash
48. You And Me, Alice Cooper
49. Slow Dancin', Johnny Rivers
50. Lonely Boy, Andrew Gold
51. I Wish, Stevie Wonder
52. Don't Stop, Fleetwood Mac
53. Barracuda, Heart
54. Strawberry Letter 23, Brothers Johnson
55. Night Moves, Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band
56. You're My World, Helen Reddy
57. Heard It In A Love Song, Marshall Tucker Band
58. Carry On Wayward Son, Kansas
59. New Kid In Town, Eagles
60. My Heart Belongs To Me, Barbra Streisand
61. After The Lovin', Engelbert Humperdinck
62. Jet Airliner, Steve Miller Band
63. Stand Tall, Burton Cummings
64. Way Down, Elvis Presley
65. Weekend In New England, Barry Manilow
66. It Was Almost Like A Song, Ronnie Milsap
67. Smoke From A Distant Fire, Sanford Townsend Band
68. Cold As Ice, Foreigner
69. Ariel, Dean Friedman
70. Lost Without Your Love, Bread
71. Star Wars Theme-Cantina Band, Meco
72. Float On, Floaters
73. Jeans On, David Dundas
74. Lido Shuffle, Boz Scaggs
75. Keep It Comin' Love, K.C. and The Sunshine Band
76. You Made Me Believe In Magic, Bay City Rollers
77. Livin' Thing, Electric Light Orchestra
78. Give A Little Bit, Supertramp
79. That's Rock 'N' Roll, Shaun Cassidy
80. Love So Right, Bee Gees
81. The Rubberband Man, Spinners
82. I Never Cry, Alice Cooper
83. Nobody Does It Better, Carly Simon
84. High School Dance, Sylvers
85. Love's Grown Deep, Kenny Nolan
86. Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman), Joe Tex
87. I Wanna Get Next To You, Rose Royce
88. Somebody To Love, Queen
89. Muskrat Love, Captain and Tennille
90. Walk This Way, Aerosmith
91. Whispering-Cherchez La Femme-C'est Si Bon, Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band
92. Year Of The Cat, Al Stewart
93. Boogie Nights, Heatwave
94. Go Your Own Way, Fleetwood Mac
95. Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word, Elton John
96. Don't Worry Baby, B.J. Thomas
97. Knowing Me, Knowing You, Abba
98. How Much Love, Leo Sayer
99. Star Wars (Main Title), London Symphony Orchestra
100. Devil's Gun, C.J. and Co.

INFORMATION FROM: http://musicoutfitters.com/topsongs/1977.htm


FILMS 1977


. A Sunday in Hell
. ABBA: The Movie
. Adavi Ramudu (1977 film)
. Aika hyvä ihmiseksi
. Airport '77
. Alexander: The Other Side of Dawn
. Allegro non troppo
. Amar Akbar Anthony
. The Amazing Howard Hughes
. The American Friend
. Andy Warhol's Bad
. Annie Hall
. Audrey Rose (film)
. La Aventura explosiva
. Las Aventuras de Pikín
B
. The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training
. Bare Knuckles
. Bhumika
. The Billion Dollar Hobo
. Billy Jack Goes to Washington
. Black Sunday (film)
. Breaker! Breaker!
. A Bridge Too Far (1977 film)
C
. Candleshoe
. The Car
. Chacha Bhatija
. The City (1977)
. The Clones of Bruce Lee
. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
. Come Back, Little Sheba (1952 film)
. Confessions from a Holiday Camp
. The Confessions of Amans (film)
. Contract On Cherry Street
. A Cosmic Christmas
. Le Crabe-tambour
. Cross of Iron
D
. Daana Veera Soora Karna
. Damnation Alley (film)
. Death bed: the bed that eats
. The Deep (film)
. Demon Seed
. Desperate Living
. Dharam Veer
. Dinner for Adele
. Dot and the Kangaroo
. The Dragon Lives Again
. Drôles de Zèbres
. The Duellists
E
. Eaten Alive
. El Pez que Fuma
. Empire of the Ants (film)
. Equus (film)
. Eraserhead
. Executioners of Shaolin
. Exorcist II: The Heretic
F
. Fight for Your Life
. The Finishing Line
. For the Love of Benji
F cont.
. Fun with Dick and Jane (1977 film)
G
. The Gauntlet
. Gizmo!
. Golgo 13: Assignment Kowloon
. The Goodbye Girl
. Grand Theft Auto (film)
. The Grateful Dead Movie
. Greased Lightning
. The Greatest (film)
. Gulliver's Travels
H
. Handle With Care (film)
. Hardware Wars
. Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo
. High Anxiety
. The Hills Have Eyes (1977 film)
. The Hobbit (film)
. L'Homme qui aimait les femmes